Fantasy has a lot of monsters. Sure, they turn up in science fiction from time to time, but nuclear mutations aside, enormous beasties are typically the result of imagination -- and fantasy has the lock-down on sheer ferocity. Monsters make a ready conflict for the hero, and raise the stakes in ways that no mere human villain can. The question remains: Which beastie is the most deadly?

10. Mulgarath in The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008)
This shape-shifting ogre -- voiced by Nick Nolte -- is terrifying precisely because he can appear as anything. His plans for world domination start with fairy kind, but he's not thinking small: The only thing standing between him and victory is his need for the Book. Though he has the possibility for widespread destruction, he doesn't live up to his potential and actually kill anyone on screen, which is why he's stuck in the 10-spot on our list.

9. Kali in The Golden Voyage of Sinbad (1974)
Brought to life by the magic of the evil Koura, (Tom Baker) the six-armed idol of Kali gives Sinbad (John Phillip Law) a run for his money. Against any other opponent, she would win the day without even thinking -- which she doesn't, being an animated statue and all. She gets points for style but the execution is lacking. Literally: To be deadly, you need to execute people.

8. Grendel in Beowulf (2007)
Ogres and trolls run through fantasy the way magic runs through a wand, and the archetype starts with Grendel (Crispin Glover). Ferocious and a deadly killer, Grendel can rip apart dozens of trained Viking warriors. And let me tell you, having lived for a year in Iceland, the Vikings are tough, tough people. Even missing an arm, Grendel's still a match for most men, and the only one who can defeat him is, of course, our hero Beowulf (Ray Winstone).

Continue reading "Mary Robinette Kowal - The Ten Deadliest Monsters in Fantasy" »

A few weeks ago I wrote about children's books that would make great movies, after which I received a flurry of e-mails from people expressing their horror at some of the current adaptations of their favorite childhood tales. I understand -- I've spent twenty years working in children's theater, film and television, and there are times when I look at children's fantasy adaptations and just shake my head. Let's talk about some of the common missteps Hollywood makes in bringing these books to life.

Combining multiple books into a single movie
I don't really understand why Hollywood does this. They find a fantastic property like, say, Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004), and then cram several of the books into a single movie. The problem is that the plot has to be so compressed that you lose almost all character development. Sure the movie is fast-paced, but why should you care? The same thing happens with The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008) although somewhat more successfully. The difference could be that in Spiderwick, the scope remains confined to a single family in a single house, which means there's still time for character development. In Unfortunate Events, the sheer range of characters from the multiple scenic locations deprives any one of them from getting enough screen time.

Continue reading "Mary Robinette Kowal - The Five Most Common Mistakes When Adaptating Children's Fantasy" »

The recent news that Marvel will be spinning off one of Spider-Man 3's chief baddies, Venom, for his own movie stirs up troubling questions: Will Topher Grace reprise the role? Do fans really want to see Venom as an anti-hero? Most importantly, which character will be next? With Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and director Sam Raimi only signed on for one more installment, you can bet Marvel's looking for other ways to extend the franchise. So let's take a look at a few Spider-man characters who could carry their own movie.

Aunt May (Rosemary Harris)
Who: Peter Parker's beloved aunt and provider of home-spun wisdom and flapjacks
Supporting Cast: Peter, Uncle Ben (in flashbacks), obscure ear-wiggling comic book paramour Willie Lumpkin
How to spin her off: It's Murder, She Wrote meets the Marvel Universe when May turns amateur sleuth in order to learn Spider-Man's secret identity. Will she uncover Peter's secret and get her award-winning apple crumble ready in time for the neighborhood bake sale? And is that Stan Lee, reprising his role from Fantastic Four as May's mailman suitor Willie Lumpkin?

Continue reading "Venom Is Spider-Man's First Spin-Off. Who's Next?" »

There are two types of anachronisms in fantasy: intentional and accidental. The former -- when a modern item is introduced for comic effect, as when the audience sings "We Will Rock You" at a joust in A Knight's Tale -- often amuse me. The latter type amuse me in a much different way, because many of them could have been solved by having an intern check dates. There's fantasy, then there's just plain forgetfulness. Today we'll look at the eight biggest offenders.

8. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
When Indiana Jones is flying around the world, the lines on the screen show the world as it appears in 1981 when the movie was released -- not the 1930s when it was set. Really? It would have killed someone to take a period atlas and check? I mean, it's not like we don't know that borders got moved around back then. This minor snafu with the movie's travel plot device earns it the eight spot.

7. The Green Mile (1991)
Set in Louisiana in 1935, The Green Mile shows a series of executions in an Electric Chair. It's dramatic and horrifying, and also five years too early. In 1935, convicts were executed by hanging. On the other hand, prisoner Eduard Delacroix (Michael Jeter) has the November 1937 issue of Weird Tales, so maybe 1935 isn't a firm date.

Continue reading "Mary Robinette Kowal - The Eight Worst Anachronisms in Fantasy" »

Last week I was noting the uphill climb scifi will have in winning the "Best Picture" Academy Award, but it's worth also noting that while it's hard for scifi to nab that prize, Oscar-winning directors don't have any problems directing science fiction. Last year's Best Director, Danny Boyle, made 28 Days Later, a science fictional look at zombies, while Ang Lee (who won the 2005 statue) tried his hand at Hulk. Peter Jackson has Bad Taste in his background, and Steven Soderbergh attempted a remake of Solaris. Other Oscar winners who directed scifi include James Cameron, Robert Zemeckis and of course, Steven Spielberg.

That said, there are a number of interesting and influential directors who have yet to direct in the genre. Which naturally made me think of a column. Below you'll find my list of the ten directors I really think should make a scifi movie. In no particular order:

Martin Scorsese
He's the ultimate gritty urban portraitist, which makes him an unconventional choice, but also remember that Scorsese has some surprising works in his canon: The Last Temptation of Christ, The Age of Innocence and Kundun all suggest he's not afraid to stretch out and surprise viewers and critics. I literally cannot imagine what a Scorsese scifi would be like, which is the best possible reason for him to try one.

Clint Eastwood
Eastwood came tantalizingly close to scifi with 2000's Space Cowboys (I disqualify it because the science of the movie is contemporary, not futuristic), so it's not a huge leap to having him in the genre. Eastwood would likely prize character struggle over technology and make a scifi flick grownups could love.

Continue reading "John Scalzi - Ten Directors Who Really Need to Make a SciFi Movie" »

In this column we've learned a lot about the tremendous impact video games have had on Hollywood, but what about the gamers themselves? You see, we gamers know what we're actually like, but filmmakers are still a little unclear about how to portray our ilk. When they sit down at their typewriters, we usually come off as either more charming and interesting than we are in reality, or we're condescendingly insulted. Need proof? Here are the most egregious offenders in science fiction.

The Movie: Stay Alive (2006)
The Gamers: Incredibly hot and stupid
With a cast made up of startlingly good-looking actors like Sophia Bush, Milo Ventimiglia, and Samaire Armstrong, much of this sub-par movie feels like a feature-length Nintendo Wii commercial -- admittedly, one that's full of decapitations and slit throats. The characters in Stay Alive are indicative of everything gamers simultaneously loathe and envy; we Cheetos-eating, over-or-underweight lot wish to be the type of people who could swap spittle with Sophia Bush, but we also never want to be the kind of brainless morons who get killed because we weren't smart enough to stop playing a video game that decapitates its players. Decisions, decisions.

Continue reading "Don't Play Me Like That! The Worst Depictions of Gamers in SciFi" »

Let me start with a confession: Despite the fact that I write horror and sell it, I can't read or watch it. Let's just say I'm a screamer. Popcorn flies. But the distance I place between myself and horror puts me in an ideal position to talk about the fine line between supernatural horror and dark fantasy. The genres cross more often than you would think, and sometimes, the distinction comes down to a simple question: How badly does it scare you? But in addition to that subjectivity, there are a few factors that can help you decide which genre a fantasy/horror hybrid best clings to. Let's look at some candidates.

Edward Scissorhands (1990)
One could make a strong argument for Tim Burton's movie as a horror, partly because it's a take on the Frankenstein story and partly because Tim Burton is always dark. But Edward's scissor-hands introduce tragedy to the tale -- he can't touch anyone he cares about without hurting them. As such there's an element of sadness and longing that runs through the whole movie, so it tends to lean it more towards fantasy.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
On the other hand, so to speak... this movie features a character like Edward, in that Freddy Krueger has blades for fingers, but he stands firmly in the realm of horror. What's the difference between Freddy and Eddie? Body count: Freddy Krueger maims and kills throughout the franchise, making it painfully obvious that no one is safe. With Edward, there's the risk he might hurt someone; with Freddy, it's a promise.

Continue reading "Mary Robinette Kowal - Is Carrie Horror or Dark Fantasy? Depends How Easily You Scare" »

Quelling a deadly space-bug riot or facing down an army of droid mechas is not a job for your average thespian. Actors for the most part are a cowardly, squishy lot. But there are a few, proud exceptions -- men that go above and beyond the call of duty on the movie screen, time and again returning to serve our country, the world, and sometimes even the whole galaxy. These are the Soldiers of SciFi, and let's show them a little respect, maggot!

Jean-Claude Van Damme
Rank: Seargent
The debate over genetically engineered soldiers has divided our troops, and the public. But one man has shown that those half-lives cause more trouble than they're worth, and that man is Van Damme. Through three Universal Soldier movies, Van Damme's resurrected Vietnam soldier Luc Devereaux has been a thorn in the side of the U.S. Army. Create a program to resurrect troops? Devereaux will take it down. Evil computer tries to destroy the U.S. government? Devereaux can't help but get involved. At least in this year's Universal Soldier 3: A New Beginning, he teams up with our boys to stop an evil nuclear cloud. Oh, and the less said about Van Damme's army leader in Street Fighter (1994), the better.

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Rank: Lieutenant
The T-800 is the most ruthless killing machine we've ever seen. And though we don't have to like them, we do have to respect their prowess. Schwarzenegger has portrayed the T-800 in four Terminator movies (well, three plus a computer generated head). But it's not for his misdeeds that we honor the Governator today. In Commando (1985), John Matrix alone stood against an army of evil. In Predator (1987), he was the only man to survive an alien hunter. Time and again, Schwarzenegger has served this country, with only a moderate amount of collateral damage. OK, a significant amount of collateral damage. So what, punk?

Continue reading "Putting Together a SciFi Military Squad? You Can Count on Kurt Russell and Dennis Quaid" »

As Columbus Day approaches, you'll hear people talk endlessly about the Italian mapmaker and his discovery of America. Of course, such talk ignores the fact that people had been living here in thriving civilizations for thousands of years before he arrived. To honor the holiday, let's take a look at how fantasy movies treat the folks who got here first.

Native Americans as Injuns

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
When I was a kid, we played cowboys and Indians with no understanding of either group's culture. That's not really surprising for a bunch of 8-year-olds. Hollywood producers, on the other hand, are still content to turn out movies that portray Native American as savages. Hence the hilarity that ensues when Johnny Depp has to stage an improbable escape from being served as dessert to an island full of them. Thanks for perpetuating that bloodthirsty stereotype.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
This movie heads down South America and fiddles with Mayan culture. Then it tosses in warriors from the invented Ugha people, so that our five heroes can have someone beside Nazis chasing them for a change. Inventing a tribe doesn't absolve one of perpetuating stereotypes. Just ask Depp's Captain Jack about the Pelegostoans.

Continue reading "Mary Robinette Kowal - Attack of the Stereotypes! Native Americans in Fantasy" »

There's this progression where someone comes up with a new idea, and then someone else copies it until it becomes cliché, and then it becomes a trope and then a genre. Today we're looking at the fantasy movies that started it all -- the ones whose ideas were so groundbreaking they spawned the atmosphere that Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings would come to dominate. A word of warning: If you watch some of these today you'll think they are cliched -- but just remember who invented it.

The Thief of Baghdad (1924)
This is arguably the very first fantasy feature. The second title card in the classic silent says, "Verily the works of those gone before us have become instances and examples to men of our modern day..." How true! The movie's cutting edge special effects, casts of thousands, and story with a sweeping epic sprawl made audiences fall in love with the genre. Thief of Baghdad spawned two remakes and, in many ways, Raiders of the Lost Ark is its descendant -- the story of a clever thief fighting the forces of evil.

King Kong (1933)
The 50-foot ape is so iconic, it's hard to picture the Empire State Building without him. This landmark movie introduced the world to the idea of giant monster flicks, but more specifically, giant monsters wreaking havoc on New York City. You can see its descendants in everything from Ghostbusters to Cloverfield, and its enduring influence on today's fantasy directors. (There's a reason Peter Jackson went straight from Lord of the Rings to a Kong remake.)

Continue reading "Mary Robinette Kowal's Guide to the Real Classics of Fantasy" »