This Saturday, it's July 4, when America celebrates its independence from Britain by blowing things up real good. Nothing says "We, as a nation, aspire to be a beacon of democracy and equal rights" like a truly boom-tastic explosion. Since such outsize displays are on the minds of Americans everywhere, I thought I would give over this week's column to a critical review of explosions in science-fiction movies. Because, you know, why not?

Star Wars (1977)
To be sure, there were explosions before Star Wars, from the cheap exploding space craft in Flash Gordon to the more expensive exploding craft in Silent Running. But it was in Star Wars that the Big Damn Explosion really burst onto the scene as a science-fiction staple. What's more, Star Wars features not one but two really big explosions: the planet Alderaan getting zapped by the Death Star, and then the Death Star itself going blooey after a proton-torpedo enema. Of the two, I always thought the Alderaan explosion was more impressive. But then, the coolest explosion in the whole movie belongs to the last TIE fighter that dies chasing the Millennium Falcon after it escapes the Death Star. Seriously, go look for yourself.
Explosion Rating: A

Superman (1978)
Not content to just blow up a planet, this movie blows up a star and a planet! Not to mention, if you'll recall, unleashing a thermonuclear device on California -- an event that is, curiously, underplayed.
Explosion Rating: B

Continue reading "John Scalzi Rates SciFi Movies by Their EXPLOSIONS!" »

Here's a rather despairing e-mail I received this week:

"I am of the opinion that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is proof of the total demise of the art form known as 'cinema.' Tell me I'm wrong. Also, tell me how a movie based on toys actually qualifies as science fiction."

Continue reading "John Scalzi - Relax! Transformers Is Not the End of Cinema as We Know It" »

Father's Day is this Sunday, which made me curious -- as I so often am when a deadline is approaching -- as to how dads are portrayed in science fiction. Are they good? Bad? Misunderstood? Let's find out with this sampling of future dad-dom.

Darth Vader (Star Wars) -- Father to Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia
He's pretty much the stereotypical bad dad, isn't he? Aside from skipping out on his kids' youth, he tortures his daughter in Star Wars, chops off the hand of his son in The Empire Strikes Back, and chooses work over family for a disturbingly long time in Return of the Jedi. Before you say it, I don't buy the argument that he didn't know he was a dad. Vader knew Luke was his son before he lopped off the kid's mitt. And call me crazy, but the time to stop your boss from trying to murder your only son with electric bolts is before he starts, not several minutes in when your kid is smoking like a grill full of baby back ribs. It's nice Luke forgives him and all, but Luke always was a bit of a sap.
Dad Score: F

Continue reading "John Scalzi - Who's Your Daddy? Rating SciFi's Movie Fathers" »

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about Land of the Lost, arguing that it "has the potential to become this year's Speed Racer." Boy was I right: Its $18.8 million opening weekend almost exactly matches the $18.5 million Speed made last year, which means -- surprise! -- Ferrell's prehistoric comedy will probably go down as the summer's first big flop. My condolences to Will Ferrell, Sid and Marty Krofft, and to sleestak lovers everywhere.

That said, Ferrell's science fiction belly flop shouldn't come as a huge surprise: History has shown us that when you combine Saturday Night Live alumni with science fiction cinema, what you often -- indeed, usually -- get is a big fat flop. Truly, scifi and SNL are two great tastes that go absolutely horribly together. "Evidence!" you demand. I live to serve.

Eddie Murphy
Murphy actually has two science fictiony hits in The Nutty Professor and its sequel, both of which raked in about $125 million at the box office. But no amount of Buddy Love can ever mask the stench of The Adventures of Pluto Nash, which cost $100 million to make and grossed $4.4 million in the theaters, making it one of the biggest flops in the history of cinema. Really, it's a benchmark. And though you would like to, don't forget Meet Dave: $11 million box office for a $60 million flick -- not a benchmark, but still bad.

Continue reading "John Scalzi - SNL Actors Plus SciFi Movies Equals Box Office Death" »

Now, you know that I love me some science fiction movies, and I'm happy to say that scifi does a lot of things well. But there's one thing that the genre does notably poorly, and that is make people cry -- which is to say, to wring genuine tears of emotion of out of them. There are any number of reasons for this, starting with the fact that scifi flicks visually lend themselves to action and adventure, which are notably tear-free genres -- no one will expect you to tear up at the upcoming Transformers flick, for example, unless they are tears of pain.

Tear-inducing science fiction is so rare, in fact, that I sat down to think of which ones have actually made me cry, and came up with damn few. Here are the movies that made me reach for my tissues.

1. E.T. The Extraterrestrial (1982)
I think this one is the obvious choice; I blubbered like a child watching it. Of course, the first time I saw it, I was a child, so I think I get a pass. But I've watched it since then and still get all misty-eyed. E.T. was the movie that gave us the adjective "Spielberg-esque" -- that framing of wonder inside story, direction and cinematography that seemingly yanks tears straight out of one's ducts.

Continue reading "Hand John Scalzi a Hanky - These SciFi Tearjerkers Choke Him Up" »

Hey kids! My ThinkTron 3000 (your people call it a "brain") has melted out of my ears and I can't come up with a topic this week. You know what that means: To the mailbag!

First e-mail:

Why hasn't steampunk hit it big in movies yet? It seems perfect for the movies, visually.

You'd think so, wouldn't you? For those of you not in the know, "steampunk" is a type of science fiction that imagines what the world would be like if we had today's technology, retrofitted for the Victorian era. So, lots of steam-powered technogadgets (thus the name) and groovy waistcoats and ascots. It's visually awesome stuff, and really does seem well-suited for the spectacle of the silver screen.

Continue reading "Steampunk, Star Trek and Salvation - John Scalzi Answers More SciFi Questions" »

Here's a fun question I received:

"Did science fiction films do well financially before Star Wars? It seems like that's when Hollywood realized scifi was big business."

Well, to be sure, no one had ever seen a science fiction movie do business like Star Wars did: It made $300 million in its original release in 1977, back when the average ticket price was $2.23, as opposed to the $7.18 it is today. Adjusted for inflation, its domestic box office is more than $1.2 billion over several releases (as discussed previously here). It's fair to say Star Wars got Hollywood's attention.

However, it's not fair to say that Hollywood never saw science fiction as a moneymaker before Star Wars, either -- quite a number of science fiction movies did gangbuster business from the very start of the industry: The highest grossing film of 1916, for example, was a version of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. That movie made $8 million at the box office, which adjusts to about $160 million today -- a nice-sized hit in any year. For additional perspective, here are the adjusted domestic grosses of several pre-Star Wars movies.

Continue reading "John Scalzi - SciFi Movies Made Money Before Star Wars, Too" »

I watched and enjoyed the new Star Trek movie over the weekend (as did quite a lot of folks, which should make both Paramount and J.J. Abrams quite happy), but watching I was reminded that for every bit of future tech I can't wait to get my hands on, there's some tech I want no part of whatsoever. And what tech might that be? Well, I'll tell you.

Teleportation
In the Star Trek universe, this means having one's self disassembled and then reassembled some massive distance away via an energy beam. Leaving aside the philosophical aspects of this (i.e., is the reassembled you really you, or just a copy?), do you really trust a particle beam to disassemble and reassemble you? Are you aware of just how many particles you break down into? The layman answer is lots, squared. That's a lot of information to keep track of (physicists, don't come at me with "quantum entanglement" -- that's not how Star Trek transporters work and you know it).

The idea that you're going to get reassembled in exactly the same configuration is pretty hopeful, and for something like this, 99.9 percent accuracy would mean you've been turned into a screaming lump of meat. Plus, per The Fly, you don't want the beam to get confused and fuse your DNA with something else, be it a flying insect or the e. coli living in your digestive tract. Really, I'll just take a shuttle, thanks. Speaking of which:

Continue reading "John Scalzi - Future Trek-nology I Can Live Without" »

This week the 11th Star Trek movie hits theaters. And while this new chapter is meant to be a "reboot," you'll still need to know a bit about its predecessors to get the most out of the experience. But if you're dreading the thought of a 20-hour Trek movie marathon, fret not: Here's a cheat sheet (complete with Haiku!) to catch you up.

Continue reading "John Scalzi - The Star Trek Movie Cheat Sheet" »

This past week my brain has collapsed like the proverbial flan in the cupboard, so rather than think of a whole column topic, which is hard, I'm going to answer some e-mails I've gotten from readers, which is easy.

First, a letter from Karen:

"Last week you wrote that you thought the Wolverine film would do good but not great business. I think you're underestimating its potential, because you're forgetting about one large segment of the audience: The women who are going to the film to stare at Hugh Jackman."

Ah, yes, the Hugh Jackman Estrogen Brigade. And, well, who can blame them? When Jackman's all ripped and snarly and bearing the most impressive sideburns this side of the Civil War, even straight men start questioning themselves ("Hmmmm, maybe just this once..."). Don't ask me how I know that one, incidentally. Also, don't tell my wife. Please.

That said, I'm not entirely sure the HJEB is all powerful, because Jackman was pretty much all man-candy in Australia, and look where that one ended up, box office-wise. Maybe the sideburns are the key. In any event, while I don't discount the appeal of Jackman in an artfully torn T-shirt for some people, I'm not entirely convinced that those people will be the key to taking Wolverine's ticket sales into the stratosphere.

Continue reading "Wachowskis and Lucas and Jackman, Oh My! John Scalzi Answers Your SciFi Questions" »