I've got a bad feeling about this...

You could at least put a Class 2 Beverage Alert at the top of this, rather than leaving unsuspecting folk expecting a spot of critique to spray their coffee all over the monitor. Tsk.

Two words: General Grievous.

Are you frakking kidding me?

That was the Jar-Jar Binks of the Dark Side! I know. Grievous was supposed to be a person who was nearly killed, so they put his heart, lungs, and brain into a droid body. OK, I accept that any society that can build light sabers and not one but two Death Stars - I assume the Empire was comfortable with deficit spending - can save a man by building him a droid body, but dude! EXPOSED heart and lungs?

How about yanking his brain out and putting it into something Cylon-like, totally enclosed and, at least in the reimagined BG, more agile than the organics?

Oh, wait. They actually thought things out on BG. My bad.

Imagine a translator/"protocol" droid (C3-PO) that can't use sign languages or non-verbal communication effectively.

Rabid

Ease off, John: when your society has gone, like, 20 thousand years without any significant technological advances maybe you start designing things poorly on purpose just to spice things up.

George Lucas: The Blind Droidmaker

Mostly good points. Two quibbles about weapons, though: I've always thought that both blasters and light sabers aren't using actual light as their destructive mechanism, but plasma. Blasters shoot globs of it (and generating it might be that noisy); light sabers use it encased in a force field (and if we accept that, then the constant regeneration of the plasma accounts for the sabers' hum). YES, they should have shaped hand guards of the same force field; my guess is that the storyteller is trying to imply that the Jedi have such mad light saber skillz that they don't need them, even against such a maneuver as you describe.

Also, to quote Galaxy Quest about the central shaft: "It makes no logical sense; why is it here?"

I've been saying R2D2 should be able to talk for years, I'm glad I'm not the only one.

One more thing about C3P0. He says he is "human cyborg relations", but we don't really see any cyborgs in the movies. Do humans and cyborgs have trouble relating with each other?

in regards to the sarlac, I've always thought it was a slightly less mobile (and larger!) version of the "antlion" insects that we have all over the place here in florida:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antlion#Sand_pit_traps

I'm no great fan of Lucas and I'll give you most of these, but in R2's favor, it is possible that the people who build these things actually talk like that. Also, his jets somewhat negate your comment about stairs. As for seatbelts in vehicles, let us not forget that Lucas is a product of 50s car culture. Drag racing, chicken, etc. all without any sort of seatbelt.

But you also forgot what I consider the most egregious bad design of them all: the walkers in their various forms. Yeah, let's build a military vehicle for uneven terrain and give it a center of gravity so high that teddy bears with hand-made ropes can tip it over. Obviously, most things in the SW universe were designed by committees of 13-year old boys.

"Oh, right, you can't get the memo because someone threw you down a huge exposed shaft in your Death Star throne room."

About lost my coffee on that one.

How about star destroyers with navigation systems so bad they constantly ram each other, or, in the later (earlier?) movies, battle droids with heads that pop off if someone sneezes on them.

Is it bad design to clone an army from a dude who can't hit a target?

Oh, trust me, guys, this is just a starter list.

Why do x-wings have wings? Er, I'm sorry, "s-foils"? And why do we have to lock them in attack position? It's not like wings A, B, or Y needed them.

Also, sorry to be that guy, but you want ordnance, not ordinance. Although I like the idea of a gun that can fire The Law as ammunition.

Will fix.

If R2 spoke, they would have gotten an R rating. I believe that most of the time, he is screaming obscenities at all of the other characters.

You could make the argument that the designers of the R2 units never intended for the robots to be able to speak. The R2 line also seems to be pretty sassy and maybe the designers/users got tired of the sass. The robots could have created their own language from the various beeps and whistles they could still emit.

Forget about stormtrooper armor being useless against blasters - the people inside were beaten up by fun-size monkeybears wielding wooden sticks.

But maybe the Ewoks were using the power of the Bolgi bomplexes and shmendoplasmic shmecticulums in their bloodstreams! Lucas, you're a genius!

As I recall, Lucas' original conception for C3PO's character was a more Peter Lorre-ish interpretation. The mincing, gay man approach was all down to the actor.

As to seatbelts, I feel the same about American cars. Why do none of the American cars I see in the movies and on TV have seatbelts? What's that? They do, but the actors choose not to use them? Well, how am I supposed to know that if I never see them?

The slow light beams or plasma or whatever-the-hell it is, I put down to cinematic convention, like bullets striking sparks wherever they hit. Yeah, it's silly, but it's not a design flaw, it's a cinematic one. Also, muzzle flash, gunshot sounds, tracer rounds, etc.

Limitations on the design of the droids are also more down to the limitations of Hollywood's special effects workshops than necessarily anything to do with the SW universe. In the original concept artwork for Star Wars, R2D2 is shown to have much more flexible locomotion. And C3PO has to have a flexible waist that won't torture the actor inside's belly without looking as though there's an actor's belly inside it.

The Star Wars galaxy itself is goofy. Let's say we grant homogeneous desert planets, volcano planets and forest planets. At least they're natural. But a "city planet"?

Coruscant is the center, capital and most populous planet, we're told. So either there exist vast factories pumping out nitrogen and oxygen, or its life thrives on a hearty stew of carbon dioxide, ozone and heavy metals.

It has to be the former, right? Jedi leap and run wherever they go, and there doesn't seem to be a chronic problem of visiting senators and dignitaries flopping around on Coruscant streets like Arnold on Mars at the end of Total Recall.

NelC:

"The mincing, gay man approach was all down to the actor."

You're saying that as director, George Lucas couldn't have told his actor to try a different interpretation? As in "No, less mincing, more Lorre?" I'm unconvinced.

Also I'm not entirely convinced that real world practicalities required Lucas' folks to design a droid suit that wouldn't, for example, let Anthony Daniel unflex his arms. And the issue isn't the flexible waist, it's the design decision to mask the flexible part with exposed wiring. And so on.

Minor correction:

Scalzi: "But Luke's X-34 speeder on Tatooine? The Yugo of speeders, man. One hard stop, and out you go."

Actually no. Just one look at the photo you've included leads one to the inevitable conclusion that one hard stop, and you lurch forward and violently decapitate yourself on the throat-level windscreen.

-- MrJM

Note: Ralph Vader campaigned to have the vehicle recalled.

Maybe R2 used to be able to speak, but his audio output was damaged by a droid that mistook it for an input.

Just saying.

"Although I like the idea of a gun that can fire The Law as ammunition."

Ask and ye shall receive, cisko. Witness the Lawbot 0.92, beta version:

http://www.nukees.com/d/20000904.html

If inclined to justify the Sarlacc you could say that it used to be ant-lion sized, and Hutts have been feeding it and beefing it up for a very long time.

I believe the man you're looking for is Nardo Pace

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/nardo-design-empire.php

Church:

Finally, a scapegoat! GET HIM!

Ahh, the truth of the matter is that 1970s design is the true culprit in all of these design flaws. Take a look at Barbarella or Buck Rogers or Sargasso Planet and you'll see this stretch away from 50s sci-fi hamstringed by 70s fashion and imagination. It's easy to say post-Blade Runner and Aliens how things should have looked but a lot of these design "choices" are simply out of necessity.

http://www.sargassoplanetfan.com/

I'm going to be a computer nerd here and point out that R2-D2 is an astromech droid, likely designed primarily to communicate with computers on starships -- so it would actually make sense for R2 to communicate in beeps and whistles only understandable by a computer. He's basically a modem on wheels. :)

Um. I think it's fairly clear that blasters shoot some kind of projectile. They're demonstrably not beams of light. Maybe magnetically enclosed plasma? Not saying you can't take that apart pretty easily, too.

Um. I think it's fairly clear that blasters shoot some kind of projectile. They're demonstrably not beams of light. Maybe magnetically enclosed plasma? Not saying you can't take that apart pretty easily, too.

I've studied a bit of kenjutsu (Japanese sword), of which it is not uncommon to see blades without hand guards. While it might look cool to have two sword fighters straining against each others' blades staring menacingly at each other, and where as John described it's easy to get your hands and/or fingers loped off, one does not try to actually block the opponent's blade by preference. The goal instead is to deflect it past you, as this presents an opening to attack.

I'd also like to point out two things regarding the hand guard idea: First, if the hand guard was made of shaped plasma as the blade is, it would probably be a higher risk to the user than not having a hand guard at all. Bad enough to have to concentrate on never touching your own blade, but accidentally bending your wrist the wrong way and loosing your hand...? The second, given that the first point kind of kills the idea of a light hand guard, is to use Coriolis (sp?) fiber, which is mostly resistant to lightsaber damage. Not perfect but if you screw up and let someone actually slide their blade down at your hand it would probably save you the first time...

Re: Asteroid Worm.

The worst part is: it never gets a spaceship, never. It never gets anything!

- yeff

So what about the operators of the Death Star super lazer?
Why exactly is their work area INSIDE the firing chamber of the weapon? Are you going to tell me that thing does not generate any heat or radiation?

"Welcome to Super Laser control TK421. Here is where you'll be sitting"

"WHAT?!...ah ....no. I think I'll take the job in hangar security instead thanks."

STAR WARS IS NOT SCIENCE FICTION IT IS FANTASY!

I mean seriously, are you getting paid to waste your time writing idiotic articles?

I would just like to say "Who cares?"

It's Star Wars! I have awesome memories from 1977 (I was 10) and the follow-up films.

Next up, why do the bad guys let James Bond hang around...

Isn't discussing logic and physics flaws in Star Wars sort of like discussing individual water molecules in the ocean of your choice?

I'll give you the landspeeder, but seat belts on vehicles that can achieve supralight velocities, and thus require the ability to achieve kilo- or even mega-gee accelerations and decelerations? Very bad idea. Epically bad.

STAR WARS IS NOT SCIENCE FICTION IT IS FANTASY!

I mean seriously, are you getting paid to waste your time writing idiotic articles?

<rant>
Non-inertial, forward-only weaponry and flight designed into attack craft and drilled into the pilots, for pity's sake!

At the speeds we see during the trench run, an X-wing is going fast enough to orbit the Death Star. Bad guys behind you? Pitch over 180° and shoot back at them, you're not going to deviate off your course! R2-D2 will appreciate having the cockpit between itself and the baddies, and can probably even steer for you if you're so clumsy that you can't shoot and coast (or bob and weave) at the same time.

Or how about those nifty laser(?) turrets on the Millenium Falcon which (we are asked to believe) are optimally controlled by climbing onto the Tilt-O-Whirligun, strapping in and being slung around and about -- do all those gees really improve your shooting ability?

</rant>

Tanto:

"STAR WARS IS NOT SCIENCE FICTION IT IS FANTASY!"

Well, no. This argument is often provided by people who can't stand that Star Wars is (correctly) regarded as science fiction despite the fact that its science is so bad.

But you know what? The failure mode of science fiction is NOT "fantasy," it is "bad science fiction."

Just accept that Star Wars is Science Fiction with far more emphasis on "fiction" than "science." And then try breathing into a small paper bag. You'll feel better.

Hehe. It seems there is a fair amount of nerdgassery going on.

Can't wait for the Trek column!!!

They have handcarts that float along (must be a bitch to steer, let alone stop), but R2-D2 has to use rockets to get off the ground.

And how about the brilliant idea to have your droid army centrally controlled on the mothership where one well-placed blast in the loading dock can knock all your droids out of commission. Now that's some retarded engineering.

And one (of many possible) physics quibble -- your battle cruiser obviously has artificial gravity that keeps everything oriented properly in the ship, so why would that artificial gravity suddenly point in a new direction causing everything to start sliding around when the ship changes its orientation? It's a spaceship, not a boat on water...

What I always wondered is why some Dark Jedi never mastered the Force Power "Turn Off My Opponents Light Saber In Mid-Battle." It can't be more complicated than turning off a lightswitch, and you could totally mow down your opponents if you can manage the timing just right.

Maybe R2D2 can't talk because he plugged his data jack into a power socket one too many times.

For the landspeeder seat belt issue, i suggest that sharp stops are not possible with the landspeeder because it does not have contact with the ground to provide the necessary friction. Think about a speed boat. All you can do is cut the power and do some fancy steering to stop, unless you consider throwing out an anchor at speed a good idea, in which case no seatbelt will postpone your removal from the gene pool very long anyway.

I must say it was hard for me to type because I'm laughing so hard, at both the original article and the comments below it. I also hate to cut into the logic of any point because I really enjoyed the article, yet here we are.

Great post. Enjoyed it much.

I find it funny when some of the commenters have such inadequate senses of humor that they just can't join in on the fun. Dweebs.

But you know what? The failure mode of science fiction is NOT "fantasy," it is "bad science fiction."

Not that I want to side with the obvious troll above, but thematically, and in any other meaningful way, Star Wars is Sword and Sorcery with robots and spaceships. Quite literally, every single part of Star Wars is a S&S cliche. From the "Luke, I am your father" (90% of all S&S have the good guy related to the bad guy), the sassy princess (how many sci-fi stories use monarchy as a valid political system?), the ridiculously impractical weaponry (the walkers, light sabers), obviously the sorcerers with swords (Jedis), the mysterious forgotten society (again the Jedis), the cool mercenary with the strong-silent sidekick who helps the hero despite his better judgment (has there ever been a S&S story without this guy?), etc. etc.

That's the reason why so many fantasy stories (e.g. Eragon) are accused of stealing from Star Wars. Eragon doesn't steal a single idea from Star Wars, it just steals from all the sources Star Wars stole its ideas from.

In essence, the difference between fantasy and science-fiction is that fantasy is more concerned with coming up with lots of imaginative ideas without trying to make sense of them, while sci-fi is more concerned with explaining why its ideas fit its universe even if it requires beating the crap out of the laws of physics and common sense. By this standard, Star Wars is most definitively fantasy.

Matti, I've studied traditional Japanese martial arts, too. There's a reason the tsuba (hand guard) was sturdy and made of pretty thick iron. It's because the Ancient Studly Samurai didn't want their hands cut off. The guardless swords are usually in resting scabbards, not the furniture they'd be in for actual use.

Speaking of weapons, why is do the baddies in TPM have such lame weaponry that it gets ranged by rope-powered catapults?

And don't Imperial Storm Troopers have infra-red imaging that would let them see the stupid Teddy Bears?

Finally, someone shares my Star Wars experience! My dad was a NASA engineer when he took me as a kid to see the film. I remember being red faced as a result of his embarrassingly loud outbursts of scientific criticism throughout the film. As a result, I have never shared the enthusiasm for the films that so many of my peers do. I guess my fondest memory of that day at the theater, so long ago in a galaxy far far... is of my dad yelling at the screen "There's no sound in space!" My only regret was that I got parachute failing Estes Saturn V's for xmas and not Millennium Falcons, because of course, I'd be a rich man now. Thanks John for allowing me to pass this url on to my fanboy coworkers to exonerate myself.

I always figured that the lightsabers had a guard in the form of an electromagnetic field. Just like the field that contains the cold plasma that makes up the blade and prevents the sabers from passing through one another.

They obviously have artificial gravity, so manipulating inertia on a speeder shouldn't be that big of a deal.

R2-D2 is an astromech. He isn't designed to interface with people.

My question is, of all of the droids a boy could build, why the frak did he build a protocol droid? Seriously (yes I remember the line, to help his mom, but really, it's not like she was hosting/entertaining foreign dignitaries). He really could have used an astromech.

Obviously WE care, that's why we read the article and are participating. Why are you? Is your life really that sad and empty, and your ego so fragile that have to go our of your way to cut at others to make yourself feel better?

Like it or not, if it's using technology, it's using science.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fantasy
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Science_fiction

Another little (???) thing I've noticed is the design of Jabba the Hutt. The huge, mean-looking, giant slug creature could never defend himself in a direct attack. He's way too slow! And what is his attraction to puny humanoid girls? Wouldn't a giant slug be more attracted to a female giant slug? Then there's the one puny humanoid girl (Leia) who was able to choke his huge throat with her own chain. Give me a break!

pepeloco, there are plenty of good science fiction universes with plausible monarchies from Lois Bujold to Jerry Pournelle.

The rest of your points are well taken.

My picks - Tie Fighters - no onboard hyperspace module, thus ensuring when an opponent makes the "jump" to hyperspace, the destroyers have to gather up all the fighters, make the jump and then redeploy them.

The Universe itself / physical laws -- sound in space? The first time anything went nova, it would send out a sonic boom that would pulverize anything in its path. Don't want to wait for the nova? Just listen to the sun -- if shooting a little dinky laser cannon off an X-Wing makes a sound, what the hell does a star sound like?

And related to the storm trooper critique - isn't it strange that the planet the rebels choose for their base is the one place (Hoth) where the storm troopers *would* be camouflaged in their white armor?

I'm glad you're on Stargate - Universe. That series seems to do a decent job at getting these types of things right from the start.

The list has several problems.

First, this story was written in the early-mid 1970's, jump ahead 35 years and of course current technology will be different than what was imagined.

Next, its a movie, not a text book. Unless your L. Ron Hubbard, most people can separate stories from reality.

Remember Science Fiction = Science Not True. It's much easier to write better stories when you able to create a universe that you can bend and tweak as you wish.

I remember many scenes with characters using seat belts, he needs to watch the movies again and pay attention. But, if you are able to manipulate gravity, then why do you need seat belts? When the speeder starts you are bound to your seat, when it stops, get up and exit.

If your taking movies as fact, maybe R2D2 is having similar voice problems as BumbleBee in the transformers movie. Also it appears many things he says(beeps) would but censored in a PG movie anyway.

Still, a hand guard for lightsabers is a bad idea. If there was a flexible and lightweight material capable to resist a lightsaber strike, there would be the possibility to make body armors (maybe even prosthetics).

And everybody knows how two-handed sword warriors in every culture love to fight without armors or protective wear (like the Jedis, who like to fight in pajamas and robes).

Also, there would be no sense to make an armor suit for Darth Vader in such material, since he could no get the thrill of almost-naked sword fight.

Except of course the handgrip material, which resists and contains the light-plasma-whathever source.

Great article, John.

I've always maintained (since Episode 1) that Jar Jar Binks should be the true Dark Lord of the Sith. It would have been so awesome to see Jar Jar pull his hood over his face and pull out his red lightsaber in episode 3. The audience would have been cheering, realizing they'd been fooled this whole time, and that this seeming buffoon was really behind all of the machinations that led Palpatine to power as his Sith Apprentice puppet.

The audience would cheer even louder when Obi-Wan and Anakin destroyed Jar Jar, lopping his head off and watching it roll, lifelessly, onto the ground.

Sadly, I knew then what I know now -- George Lucas is just NOT that awesome.

Ok First of all, this was an inventive movie. New ideas special effects etc.

In defense of a few things:

R2D2 is an astromech droid- essential a gps for starships to travel through hyperspace. to help compute a route. They talk full sentences and phrases through computers. They also have basic repair and assist functions for the ships. Primary purpose reached. You want one that talks get an R4 unit...

C3P0 is a translator droid/overseer who was never fully completed.

Lightsabers are intended for force users. (Precognition) The hilts of the weapons are almost a foot long. The hilt makes up for the entire weight of the blade. If you need a hand guard for something thats one foot long and you can sense things coming... There is a substance that resists lightsabers its some special rock material. Gauntlets and armor can be made from it.

Deathstar- everything has a weakness. Many prized art pieces are stolen through maximum security... explain that. Nothing is invulnerable, nothing is completely safe. Titanic, Troy, etc.

Vehicles come equipped with inertia dampners. Give you a hint to what that is- Involves gravity and g-forces.

Sarlacc+Cave worm. Ever heard of the antlion? Hows that for evolutionary wonder. There are a few fish, turtles, and spiders that thrive exactly the same way.

I can't remember who, but some channel did a show debunking or proving some of the science of Star Wars that was quite interesting.

The asteroid worm has long bothered me but a Star Wars nerd told me that in the Star Wars books it is explained the worm feeds of minerals for the most part. Uh, okay, guess that explains why they have teeth and a mouth.

All-Terrain Armored Transport (AT-ATs, from the battle on Hoth) seemed like the dumbest idea to me. Really? Four unstable legs is a better design idea than a bunch of wheels? Ask any kid that bought one of those toys, that is a design just destined to fall apart.

BenBurris:

"R2D2 is an astromech droid- essential a gps for starships to travel through hyperspace."

Oddly enough, my GPS can talk. And it doesn't go through hyperspace or anything!

"C3P0 is a translator droid/overseer who was never fully completed."

Never in the 30 years in which the six films encompass? You would think after a while someone would say "hey, this dude is useful. Let's finish him up."

"Lightsabers are intended for force users."

And they never lose, say, hands or arms or legs to other force users slashing about them with their own sabers? Seems to me if someone else can slice off hands, legs and arms, finger slicing is a distinct possibility.

And so on. There is no doubt that Star Wars fans and LucasFilm have come up with excellent after the fact reasons why everything in the Star Wars universe is designed the way it is for a reason, just like they retconned Lucas' dippy "it did the Kessel run in twelve parsecs!" bit of scripted dialogue into meaning something reasonable when what it really was, was Lucas assuming the audience wouldn't know what a "parsec" was. Doesn't mean it's good design, however.

As to not being able to see out of a Stormtrooper's helmet: remember, Luke was shorter than the average Stormtrooper. They're all clones and the same height and would have no problem seeing out of the eyeholes of the helmet. Luke's eyes would probably come up to about the nose hole.

Namey, when you are imagining reasons why seat belts might not be necessary in a landspeeder, you also need to imagine brick walls.

You spelled "sarlacc" wrong.
Oh wait, you did that on purpose to see how long it takes for some Star Wars geek to correct you.

Whoops...

Well, maybe R2D2 is a GPS without a voice module, maybe for the lack of resources, best invested to make thousands of clones, build Deathstars, you name it.

But Yoda with 866 years and lots of wisdom, speaking like Tarzan? I could understand some kind of antiquated english but Yoda's lack of mastery in syntax is obnoxious.

I know, not a matter of science or fiction or fantasy. Just an idea.

There's no way an 8 year old boy could have built C-3PO. And midi-chlorians? What are you talking about? What is that garbage? You must be referencing some cheap Star Wars knock-off. Writing about that kind of nonsense like it's canon is not cool.

Defend the REAL Star Wars universe!

in response to John Scalzi:
try holding a fencing sword with a foot long hilt. Now imagine the blade weightless. I'm guessing your visualizing a real blade with weight with a standard hilt. Try 3x size hilt. Your hand is no where near the end of the hilt.Your saber would be scored before your hand. Two hand grip is easy enough and still with plenty of room before end of hilt. Lightsabers don't "slide" like swords tend to. This is portrayed obviously in every movie. They bounce upon impact of another lightsaber. The energies repel each other. It takes both people pressing hard to maintain them touching.

in response to ibaldr: yoda isn't human. his syntax is species wide.

The Death Star's my favorite subject.

Start with the superlaser. It's a laser, it's coherent light, right? Real lasers don't merge together at a point and then go in another direction as a single beam. I imagine ILM may not have been able to do six beams at once focusing on Alderaan.

Next point on the laser: It's strongly implied in both Death Stars that the beam channels are in atmosphere, as seen by the hapless officers trying in vain to shield their eyes when it fires down the channel less than 30 feet away. (Many, many, opportunities for practical jokes...)

In real life, the channels would be in vacuum. Or the laser would be all crystal (implied in one story in the EU, where a piece of the laser ends up on Tattooine.) Who knows what happens when it fires through gas with its variable index of refraction?

I give the designers a pass on the access to the second Death Star--it was obviously still very much under construction. There had to be some way to deliver the reactor core at least partially assembled at the site not to mention servicing the massive infrastructure surrounding the core.

Now, it's implied that the reactor chamber and its core is in vacuum. What about the Emperor's throne room? That's open to vacuum, all the way down. It's so far down I don't know how one can hear anything hit. And having the reactor flare up with the mass of one frail human body?? That design's a lot closer to its limits than one would think. Safety margins are nothing in the New Order.

And what about the Executor? An SSD is so big it would have split either Death Star in half when it went out of control and hit. (No auxilliary helm? No backups?)

R2D2 does speak... just not english.... how incredibly narrow minded you are to expect it to speak YOUR language...

About the handguard, Obi-Wan cut one of gral Grievous hand using the move of sliding his lightsaber

Well said, John. You're absolutely correct.

However:
I saw it when it first came out and I loved it.. With a bucket of popcorn and diet coke. in a dark theater. IMHO, it's in the same category as trashy romance novels. Useless, and worthless, but fun.

Here's my beef with C3PO - he's a protocol droid, fluent in a gajillion languages and dialects (I'm counting on a truefan to fill in the proper figure), every one of which - EVERY ONE of which - he speaks with a pronounced British accent.

"You're saying that as director, George Lucas couldn't have told his actor to try a different interpretation? As in "No, less mincing, more Lorre?" I'm unconvinced."

If Lucas had done that he would have been a bad director.

But either way, Lucas must have seen the initial audition tapes for the actor. If he didn't like the mincing then he would have sent the actor home, not put something in his movie that he didn't like. That wouldn't make sense (which isn't really a good argument considering the rest.)

Alex Marcondes:

"If Lucas had done that he would have been a bad director."

I'm sorry, you just made me spit up my Coke Zero.

BuckM, thanks for finally saying it. R2 Spoke what HE needed to speak, and it just so happened that C3PO could understand. might as well go back to before days of Gallileo and Copernicus and assume everything in the universe orbits around our flat planet.

John, you missed one horrible design flaw that no one else seems to have mentioned. Yes, Yes, Walkers have a high center of gravity and weak legs, but at least those legs are set wide enough that they dont topple over without the help of the Teddy Bears.

The Sandcrawler (the Jawa transport) however: it was a feat of design to have something so wide and heavy at the top, and much larger than its footprint with those nice small wheels and thin tracks. And to expect it to ride along sand dunes at varying verticle angles is nuts. Its like putting a 10 story building on top of a golf cart, then going off road and expecting it to stay up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnLiGi5KD4o (and no its not a rick roll)

Thanks for the excellent article. Looking forward to the Star Trek one.

About the moving wings on X-Wings... They would sort of make sense if the engines are more towards ends of the wings thus spreading them out more would result in greater maneuverability while keeping them close while cruising would increase stability.

That is assuming you exclude the simple solution of thrusters for turning.

I completely understand where you are trying to go with this. The things you are saying and noticing have been seen and discussed many times before. The question to ask though is what would Star Wars be without the badly designed universe. The half-ass robots and sometimes silly designs and creatures are what make the movies so great. There are plenty of movies out there with perfectly designed spacecrafts,robots, etc, but thats not what Star Wars is about.

Nothing like some loser bashing Star Wars to bring out every smug twerp's inner moron. Since this page is such a target rich environment, I will only respond to the most mind-numbingly stupid comments. For example:

"Well, no. This argument is often provided by people who can't stand that Star Wars is (correctly) regarded as science fiction despite the fact that its science is so bad."

All the science in all movies is bad. All mainstream science fiction stretches, breaks or obliterates the laws of science. So do action movies, musicals, romantic comedies, biblical epics. The only genre that shows even a halfway accurate depiction of physics is porn.

"But you know what? The failure mode of science fiction is NOT "fantasy," it is "bad science fiction."

So you claim. Why is it the most popular sci-fi movie ever made?

Not that I want to side with the obvious troll above, but thematically, and in any other meaningful way, Star Wars is Sword and Sorcery with robots and spaceships.

So were the John Carter books. And Flash Gordon. And Buck Rogers. And countless others. They are all science fiction as well.

Quite literally, every single part of Star Wars is a S&S cliche. From the "Luke, I am your father" (90% of all S&S have the good guy related to the bad guy),

Forbidden Planet also had one of the main characters related to the villain, Dr. Morbius. I guess that wasn't science fiction, either.

the sassy princess (how many sci-fi stories use monarchy as a valid political system?),

The sassy princess is pretty much a Hollywood invention. Anyway, countless science fiction settings have monarchy. Why would monarchy be any more farfetched than a democracy or military dictatorship?

the ridiculously impractical weaponry (the walkers, light sabers),

As opposed to the practical weapons that appear in what sci-fi films, exactly?

obviously the sorcerers with swords (Jedis), the mysterious forgotten society (again the Jedis),

I guess you never heard of the Lensman series by E.E. "Doc" Smith?

the cool mercenary with the strong-silent sidekick who helps the hero despite his better judgment (has there ever been a S&S story without this guy?), etc. etc.

Has there ever been a western without stock characters? Or a gangster movie? Or a chick-flick?

That's the reason why so many fantasy stories (e.g. Eragon) are accused of stealing from Star Wars. Eragon doesn't steal a single idea from Star Wars, it just steals from all the sources Star Wars stole its ideas from.

And those sources "stole" from others. Or are you really stupid enough to believe there's anything in storytelling that's truly original?

In essence, the difference between fantasy and science-fiction is that fantasy is more concerned with coming up with lots of imaginative ideas without trying to make sense of them, while sci-fi is more concerned with explaining why its ideas fit its universe even if it requires beating the crap out of the laws of physics and common sense. By this standard, Star Wars is most definitively fantasy.

What a steaming pile! Star Wars is no more fanciful than Aliens, Blade Runner, Flash Gordon, Star Trek, Forbidden Planet, Planet of the Apes or any other science fiction movies.

What it really boils down to is the ability to tell a story. If the characters and/or what they're doing is interesting, it was successful. Whether this prop or that set is "realistic" doesn't matter, except for the terminally anal-retentive types who probably shouldn't be watching movies anyway.

I'm still waiting to hear the rationale for making a protocol droid a shrieking coward

Honestly, that's one of the reasons I DON'T like Empire Strikes Back.
Empire took a number of amusing minor quirks from the first movie and exaggerated them into farce. 3PO went from mildly annoying to unbearable. The Millenium Falcon went from something which *looked* like junk into a barely reparable heap. And so on.

Regarding the Death Star, many years ago I started wondering what kind of file would enable the Rebel Alliance to find the weaknesses so quickly? Working in software development at the time, I realized it must've been a copy of their bug database, and many April Fools' ago, I wrote up the bug report. Obviously, the Death Star developers deferred that error as too unlikely and difficult to occur, though they did add further weaponry and shielding.

As far as C-3PO is concerned, Lucas was planning to overdub his scenes with Richard Dreyfuss playing him as more of a smarmy character (like a used car salesman). When that fell through he brought in Mel Blanc to do the voice and re-record the droid's lines, but Blanc said Anthony Daniels' voice and characterization were perfect and made him seem like a prissy English butler.

@ Jelperman

the hilarity is that John clearly wrote this for fun. He didn't take a truly puristic angle on this. He wasnt rabidly accurate like some of the other comments on here. The article was meant to be funny, to point out the foibles of a classic movie. yes, its a movie, yes it doesn't follow reality, yes yes we all understand that. but the real terminally anal-retentive type here is you, for even caring about the argument so much as to really get worked up over it. just enjoy the article and move on. if you cant enjoy, then move on anyway.

It appeared a number of characters understood R2 just fine. Maybe it's just you John...

what about the shoebox-on-wheels droid that needs to reverse in an arc to turn around?

Sorry to jump ahead a few movies, but what drives me absolutely mad about the later Star Wars flicks is when they show carts floating along, held up by some kind of anti-gravity device, being pulled along by - get this - draft animals.

I mean, you can make the freaking thing float in the air, but you can't make it go?

Epic, epic fail.

I loved Star Wars but it was clearly designed to "look good" rather than be good science.
But, if it weren't for Star Wars spawning a video game, I wouldn't have met my husband. (We met in the University of Pittsburgh video gaming room when he put a quarter into a broken Star Wars game and I told him it was broken.)
Still, I can't get worked up about this column, I agree with every point and it was fun to read!

Sorry to jump ahead a few movies, but what drives me absolutely mad about the later Star Wars flicks is when they show carts floating along, held up by some kind of anti-gravity device, being pulled along by - get this - draft animals.

I mean, you can make the freaking thing float in the air, but you can't make it go?

Epic, epic fail.

You've never seen horse drawn carriages in major parks? They could have easily been replaced by motorized carriages, but people have a sentimental attachment to the traditional way of doing things.

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

haha, you've got nothing on Star Trek (or Battestar) man.

What's up with the small fighters where you have to leave your engine in orbit before you can park? Like *that's* going to be there when you get back...

Sorry to be the nerd here but (although I agree with all the "WTF" moments above) something I've always liked about Star Wars was that it had an art direction philosophy. The idea being that while most SF films up to that point had a "it's the future, everything's shiny" feel, the Star Wars universe was supposed to feel like a junk yard - the galaxy had been at war for years and people were using old technology and recycling it, so everything looks cobbled together and dirty.
The prequels were supposed to be the "shiny" ones, although things like the battle droids really make you wonder.

I have to say that I’ve always enjoyed the Star Wars movies regardless of the glaring errors in how things in the SW universe are supposed to work. One thing that has annoyed me more than anything is the design of the myriad of aliens the producers expect us to believe could possibly have evolved anywhere. Particularly those that look, sound and behave like a muppet. Yoda not only walks like Kermit the frog, but he is the same colour, has a similar voice and, at least in the early films looked like he had a man’s hand shoved up his butt. Then we are expected to believe that although Yoda moves like a 900 year old, when attacked he can suddenly outperform any gymnast that has ever made it to the Olympics.

This is one of many reasons that I will always rank Firefly / Serenity above all other space oriented sci-fi – no dumb looking aliens, no leaps through hyperspace, no bouncing from star system to star system, no impossible weapons and no sound in the vacuum of space. Plus a lot of great humour, well written dialog (a mix of old western cowboy-isms, some Chinese and future slang) and a great space ship design (in Serenity herself). Now that’s how to build sci-fi!

I'm not disagreeing with anything. But when you do cover the Start Trek series, could you weigh in on this timeless debate:

Who would win between a squad of red shirted ensigns and a squad of storm troopers?

The WWWF made this a grudge match years ago, but I think the issue is still open.

http://www.grudge-match.com/History/ensign-stormtrooper.shtml

Very good points, John, funny as well.

I remember reading an interview long ago with Lucas where he said that he was basically making a modern-day version of 30s and 40s SF serials. When looked at in the context of Flash Gordon and Crash Corrigan, it's understandable why things are how they are. Sure, the science doesn't make sense, but the science is secondary to the story.

As he made the later movies, he got further away from that feel, but A New Hope fairly screams cheesy 40s serial and in that, I think it succeeds.

Yoda: “Do or do not there is no try” and that’s what George Lucas did. It was 1977! Leave R2-D2 alone - he was cute. Will there Radio Shacks in the future? They need to develop silencers for blasters. In 1977 were seatbelts mandatory? Stormtroopers could have used bullet-proof vests another thing 1977 didn’t have. The second Death Star was built steadily after the first was destroyed – they didn’t have time for a design team. Besides who would argue with the Emperor?

You forgot to mention the part about how people can move stuff with their minds and how spaceships can travel faster than the speed of light. So unrealistic!

Sarcasm aside, if you scientifically rationalized everything in Star Wars, you know what you'd be left with? Real life. Real life sucks. Everybody experiences it enough every day; they don't want to pay to have it reflected at them on the big screen. Yes, there are problems in Star Wars, and there are things that don't make sense, but considering we're talking about science FICTION and the movie is about enjoying the STORY and not nitpicking at the details of every tiny thing, I think we can forgive the mistakes.

And for the love of lightsabers, PLEASE let go of the "JarJar is a racist stereotype" thing. It's just nonsense.

Another funny thing is how the Death Star destorys an entire world, like there's some glut of M-type planets in the real-estate market of Empire.

I'm firmly convinced that Lucas started out making a contemporary version of the old space serials like Flash and Buck (notice I didn't use the term sci-fi) where you probably never saw them in order, hence it all starting with Ep. 4, but it took off so much he had to convince himself that he had some great science fiction opus all figured out when he started it all: Mido chloridians (or whatever they're called) yeah, right...

First of all while you can argue all day about the bad design Lucasart made if the universe was real, you don't really make a point unless you try to argue that the design is bad in the movie point of view.
Star wars is there for entertainment so most design choices were made because of this. So it goes for most movies, and sf movies.

Now in details:

@R2-D2
First the mobility issue: it is an astromech designed to roam on spaceships not on stairs. Besides its movement difficulties have comedy value in the movie. Which is good design: have a sidekick that can advance the plot, look cute and provide comedy at the same time as "some" dramatic value. R2/D2 in that way is a good story design. Probably too slapsticky though.

The fact that he can't talk isn't bad design: everyone understands him for some reason in the movie. The spectator doesn't. That make him an outsider. And thus contributes to the "oddity" of the world. It makes the world look like it is in another world/ planet /age. And that's a goal of the movie. I think that's good design in that regard. Same mecanism for chewbacca.

C-3PO
Movement issues with him are not bad design : he is designed to translate and look vaguely humanoid. Not do rambolike warfare. The fact that he is completly oblivious and a coward is good design for the age. It gives a droid, a personality : something more than simple programmation. A "spirit in the machine" if you want.
It makes the spectator relate to the character even if he is a droid. So : good design for me but overdid it I think for comic relief. A bit too much.

Lightsabers
Have you fenced a bit? With a blade that size and with no curves at all, you wouldn't try to slice the fingers. Or else yours would be too. The fencing style associated with lightsabers is also closer to using katanas which have a very very small hand guard that provide very little protection.
So not a bad design for me: a hand guard is useless so shouldn't really be made.

Blasters
Sound: something for the spectator to ear when danger surprises the character. Silent blasters would not do good on a movie.
Dodgeability: first storm trooper that shoots kills the protagonist. End of the movie. Most movies uses stuff like that, be it dodge the bullet or dodge the light beam. It's the same rule : "the bad guy can't shoot". Not bad "design" for a movie.

Landspeeders and other flying vehicles
Well true, but seatbelts are "unheroic". Safety isn't fun you see :).

Stormtrooper Uniforms
The uniforms are there for a terror point of view I guess. And some amount of protection against blasterless crowd.
The "I can't see a thing" is good design when luke says it : "Aren't you a little small for a stormtrooper?". The eyes probably aren't in front of the "holes".

Death Star
Unfinished super weapon must have flaws. First one is a prototype, second one isn't entirely finished even though it is operational.
The death beam charging up is good show: impending doom is good for a movie :).

Sarlaac
What do the spiders do? They wait in one place that the prey presents itself. Same for the sarlacc I guess.

That Asteroid Worm Thing in Empire Strikes Back
Made me chuckle too. I agree it's bad design, but only because it's not usefull for the plot at all, and doesn't do anything for suspens or whatever.

Midi-Chlorians
Agreed. Bad because it explains something that didn't have to be explained. It's bad for a movie.

Why does everyone assume that just because John has some critical comments on the films that means he hates them?

John please correct me if I'm wrong.

I love Star Wars IV - XI and greatly enjoy/tolerate Eps I - III, but at the end of the day I have cool looking ships and robots, weird alien creatures, awesome space battles, A YODA LIGHTSABER DUEL, and a whole lot of fun that shaped my childhood/adulthood in ways I can't begin to describe.

All that said, I agree with John. There is some major design fail going on here. Doesn't make the films any less great in my book though.

Get over it people!

One thing I have yet to hear mentioned: the two droids need to use a two-way radio to communicate with their owners when they're not in the room. Much hilarity ensues when 3PO forgets (one too many memory flushes?) that he turned off his "Commlink" as Luke, Leia & Co fall into the Death Star garbage masher. And in Episode III, when the squawking radio gives their position away to battle droids. Hey, they're robots! How about a built-in radio?
(For that matter, the battle droids sure waste a lot of time speaking English to each other when a few bursts of binary code like, say, R2 always speaks, would let them get down to business in just a millisecond).

The Phantom Edit version of Ep. II has a nice little bonus showing all the situations in the original trilogy that would have been a lot different if anyone had remembered that R2 has his little jets. Maybe they got broken in the ensuing 20 years, or he lost the anti-gravity device he'd obviously have needed to lift his metal droid self in the air with those teeny jets. I'm sure they'd function fine in space when he's doing his astro-mech duties.

Regards the hand guards on light sabres: That's one of the drinking game events when watching SW: drink any time a character's had or arm gets cut off.

One thing I have yet to hear mentioned: the two droids need to use a two-way radio to communicate with their owners when they're not in the room. Much hilarity ensues when 3PO forgets (one too many memory flushes?) that he turned off his "Commlink" as Luke, Leia & Co fall into the Death Star garbage masher. And in Episode III, when the squawking radio gives their position away to battle droids. Hey, they're robots! How about a built-in radio?
(For that matter, the battle droids sure waste a lot of time speaking English to each other when a few bursts of binary code like, say, R2 always speaks, would let them get down to business in just a millisecond).

The Phantom Edit version of Ep. II has a nice little bonus showing all the situations in the original trilogy that would have been a lot different if anyone had remembered that R2 has his little jets. Maybe they got broken in the ensuing 20 years, or he lost the anti-gravity device he'd obviously have needed to lift his metal droid self in the air with those teeny jets. I'm sure they'd function fine in space when he's doing his astro-mech duties.

Regards the hand guards on light sabres: That's one of the drinking game events when watching SW: drink any time a character's hand or arm gets cut off.

You're doing it wrong.

Star Wars is not science fiction with emphasis on fiction. Lucas is a fan of old mythos storytelling and as such Star Wars is a retelling of the old knights, dragons and princess myths just repackaged differently.

Go over to http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051808/, take a look and then actually watch the film and tell me there's not a disturbingly similar set of characters and story line. Hidden Fortress came out in 1960, Star Wars came out in 1977. I'm not saying that Lucas stole these ideas, he just did a remake with lightsabers instead of katanas with mixed Buck Rogers serial influences. Also many of his characters including C3PO and R2D2 aren't the results of bad design, but of character archetypes. They're supposed to be that way for storytelling and narrative mechanisms, not for any representation of science reality.

"Science fiction is a genre of fiction. It differs from fantasy in that, within the context of the story, its imaginary elements are largely possible within scientifically-established or scientifically-postulated laws of nature (though some elements in a story might still be pure imaginative speculation). Exploring the consequences of such differences is the traditional purpose of science fiction, making it a "literature of ideas". Wikipedia ftw.

I'd argue that Star Wars, though cloaked in what is essentially a technology driven setting, is actually fantasy. Therefore you can peck at it all you want to satisfy your inner geek, but logic really doesn't apply in any form to these movies. The humor is appreciated but its like trying to apply magnets to a plastic surface, curious and maybe amusing but it doesn't really work.

I do look forward to the Star Trek version though, as that is actually supposed to be closer to the science fiction ideal with emphasis on fiction.

You're doing it wrong.

Star Wars is not science fiction with emphasis on fiction. Lucas is a fan of old mythos storytelling and as such Star Wars is a retelling of the old knights, dragons and princess myths just repackaged differently.

Go over to http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051808/, take a look and then actually watch the film and tell me there's not a disturbingly similar set of characters and story line. Hidden Fortress came out in 1960, Star Wars came out in 1977. I'm not saying that Lucas stole these ideas, he just did a remake with lightsabers instead of katanas with mixed Buck Rogers serial influences. Also many of his characters including C3PO and R2D2 aren't the results of bad design, but of character archetypes. They're supposed to be that way for storytelling and narrative mechanisms, not for any representation of science reality.

"Science fiction is a genre of fiction. It differs from fantasy in that, within the context of the story, its imaginary elements are largely possible within scientifically-established or scientifically-postulated laws of nature (though some elements in a story might still be pure imaginative speculation). Exploring the consequences of such differences is the traditional purpose of science fiction, making it a "literature of ideas". Wikipedia ftw.

I'd argue that Star Wars, though cloaked in what is essentially a technology driven setting, is actually fantasy. Therefore you can peck at it all you want to satisfy your inner geek, but logic really doesn't apply in any form to these movies. The humor is appreciated but its like trying to apply magnets to a plastic surface, curious and maybe amusing but it doesn't really work.

I do look forward to the Star Trek version though, as that is actually supposed to be closer to the science fiction ideal with emphasis on fiction.

Hi John.

Clearly, you missed the point of the science of Long ago in a galaxy far, far away. (Unless you're playing, in which case, I applaud you).

Star Wars is now, has always been and always will be a transmission from an apparently alien intelligence - the fantasy of our own "Jungian Wastes" (which Obi Wan clearly states are not to be traveled lightly).

Obi Wan is (obviously) death, in a cloak, and he raises Luke to a new adventure after he has apparently died in the desert... pointing out what it is to live and die, and the difference therein. Once you die, cross over or whatever, you'll get it, would be the suggestion.

A lightsabre is a metaphor, so are ships, blasters, uniforms and everything else you mentioned. It isn't about what you don't bring it, but rather what you bring to the table of the Star Wars mythos that will clear you of your folly. Perhaps you could reinterpret it as you are in receipt of a Jedi vision (framed as a massive Hollywood phenomena called Star Wars) meant to delineate love, dates, reciprocity and power all to a future Jedi (or Sith, depending on your palate), that could be, in fact, you (or however your version of an afterlife might play out).

It's a faith movie, and therefore can't be qualified scientifically. I would suggest the folly of science is to repeat an experiment in a box of fixed variables, assuming the observer is not in the box nor influences it. As some of our experiments with light confirm (like Heisenberg's uncertainty principle), watching a thing influences it (hi, lightsabre) - therefore, the only true way to regard this is you are in fact in the experiment, nullifying your qualitative viewpoint as an impartial scientist. Or, to out science entirely, you have to pick your "force" for viewership as the key influence in your own beliefs.

Since you delve into your own subconscious to discuss faith, I'd point you to a nice trick in the film - things are not as they appear. (If I happen to be revealing a big thing you don't know here, and you can independently confirm it by watching this 2 minute section of the film, then maybe find new things to objectively look at.)

I assume you have the first movie (1977). Check out the moment where Obi Wan Kenobi is about to find the transmission from Leia. Luke ostensibly is working on 3P0's arm, and has switched him off... however, the item he is holding is no ordinary wrench, or screwdriver - but rather, clearly, a remote control (as in, for a TV). It is pointed at R2. Luke clicks the remote and R2's message turns on, then off, as Luke commands it. Then he looks to Obi Wan as if to say "did you get me? I'm making a story here". A little slight of hand, a little distraction and misdirection, and Luke is suddenly revealed to be in control of a larger show, in which the TV (or a holograph) is a part of his plans.

This puts him in the role of the magician, or magical knight who is indeed, more than he appears at all times - in control of his destiny from the beginning of the film, teasing those who would scrutinize details with fun connections.

In this light, one could look at these apparent glaring errors in science as we know it as clues or "tells" a magician might make, intentionally abusing the audience's trust in things are exactly what they appear.

May the force be with you -

Jon

There's quite a lot of fail in this article, most of it seemingly based on fundamental misunderstandings about Star Wars.

Astromech droids are supposed to fix things and work with computers. They aren't supposed to necessarily interact with humans, just machines and other droids. If they do need to talk to people then there are solutions - like the translators that convert R2's machine language into text on a screen as seen in X-wings and Naboo starfighters.

Threepio's design and lack of human-like mobility has nothing to do with being (re)built by Anakin since all protocol droids are like that. There are much more human like droids seen in SW with much better movement, but protocol droids are seemingly a classic design that has endured for a long time in the SW universe.

Seemingly lightsabers do not need hand guards because saber duellists do not fight in such a way that would make them necessary. Regardless, there are materials that are resistant to lightsabers such as phrik, the alloy from which General Grievous's guards' electrostaffs are made.

Blasters don't fire 'beams of light'. They fire bolts of light and plasma, which is why they don't move at the speed of light. That's also one thing which is done for the benefit of the viewer, common to a lot of sci-fi that has some type of energy weapons, which is quite a lot if you think about it. It may be that the bolts are slowed down for the film so they are visible, yet if SW was real they may actually move faster.

Speeders do indeed have tractor-field generators in the seats to hold occupants in place. Coruscant air taxis have them, so Luke's speeder, a civilian craft without seatbelts may also have had such a system. Luke's landspeeder also might not have been top of the range but its major faults were simply its age and condition. It was not an unpopular or badly regarded model in its day. Luke himself refers to his speeder being no longer in demand since it has been superceded by a newer model, implying that at one time it was seen as desirable to a certain market.

Stormtrooper armour is designed to provoke fear in the Empire's enemies as they come up against hordes of identical white armoured troopers as much as it is for protection. It can protect against environment and lesser impacts but it is not actually supposed to repel direct blaster hits. The Empire considers the troopers expendable which is why they do not give them all impenetrable armour, but rather more lightweight cheaper armour that still looks impressive. Luke claimed he couldn't see properly in the helmet, yet he was unused to wearing one. Actual stormtroopers may have had less problems, considering they always wear them, even indoors on the Death Star.

The exhaust port on the first Death Star was not unshielded. It was ray-shielded against energy weapons as explained during the rebel briefing scene. That necessitated using torpedoes, which was altogether more difficult, also explained, since the targeting computer would have difficulty hitting such a small target. The Empire therefore considered it more or less impossible to attack the exhaust port in that way, which it may well have been. Luke succeeded because of his special abilities where the other rebels may well have failed no matter how hard they tried.

The second Death Star did away with the large exhaust ports and instead had many tiny vents spread over the surface. Also remember that the DS2 was not fully built. The holes in the surface were to permit access to the interior whilst it was being built. Once complete they would have been sealed up. That is why it was crucial that the rebels attacked whilst it was still being built since one complete they would have no way of attacking the reactor and thus no way of destroying the station, as was also explained in the ROTJ briefing scene. The Emperor knew the rebels could not pass up the opportunity to attack the DS2 in that state so he allowed them to gain the right information to attempt it whilst laying a trap for them.

The Emperor's throne room may have had pits, but they were less dangerous than some places in SW. You have to consider that the Emperor was concerned with reflecting his power with his architecture, not rigorous attention to health and safety rules. With a throne room in a tower, on top of his battle station with deep chasms would have made him look like he was literally the pinnacle of the Empire, his subjects had to climb up in order to meet him.

It's incorrect to say that the Tatooine desert was lifeless. There are Jawas and Sand People, dewbacks and banthas (a whole herd of which is seen in ROTJ) as well as a host of smaller lifeforms. The sarlacc also digested its food over a considerable time, meaning it did not need regular feeding.

Space slugs can draw nutrients directly from the rock they anchor themselves to. They can also eat other creatures such as mynocks.

The way in which midi-chlorians provide the link between living matter and the energy of the Force is not really understood by those in the SW universe. Being born Force sensitive is something that is the will of the Force and thus cannot be tampered with.

Midi-chlorians are likely bound to the individual with which they share symbiosis. Extracting them would probably break their connection to the Force since the midis are no longer a part of living cell with which they are supposed to share their existence. Putting them into another lifeform would be futile because even if the transplanted midis are still connected to the Force, that connection is not useable because there would be no way for the new lifeform to access it. Midis are like any other part of the body, unique to the individual, yet even more so. Their purpose is to connect their host to the Force, so once extracted that purpose is gone and thus they would no longer work properly, especially if put into someone else's body.

Even if midi transplantation was possible, you would have to inject them directly into an immense number of the new host's cells in order for it to work. But then, the new 'foreign' midis would never bond with the new host, making them useless.

Given the Jedi's position in the PT, this assumption seems valid. Their powers are not understood by the galaxy at large and not regarded as something that can be replicated. No one has ever tried to steal a Jedi's midis, even after killing them, making it implicit that you can't increase your own Force sensitivity by using someone else's midi-chlorians. It's simply not possible to appropriate someone else's connection to the Force, since it is unique to the individual being, that being a large part of the Force's point in the story - that beings are individual but all bound together by the Force.

And I agree about laying the 'Jar Jar is a racist stereotype' thing to rest. It was an insulting and unconvincing overreaction ten years ago and to be still dragging it out now is a mark of incredibly poor journalism.

So in other words, I feel that doing a teensy bit of research, or actually bothering to be familiar with the films themselves would have negated your need to write your list, or at least do it better. There may be examples of bad design in SW (eg jedi always dropping their sabers, no handrails on many of the bridges) but I feel that your examples are very bad since they reflect the common mistakes people make when criticising aspects of it, especially when writing lazy pieces for the internet.

Lots of people consider themselves fans of Star Wars, yet they constantly show that they are nowhere near as familiar with the films as they think they are. Someone who actually paid attention to ROTJ for example would not make the "why does the second Death Star have holes you can fly a spaceship through" mistake.

It is also not wholly necessary for the Expanded Universe to explain aspects of the films since I believe the majority of my explanations come from evidence in the films themselves, or reflect reasonable assumptions that the moderately sophisticated viewer can be trusted to make on their own given the available information on screen about the fictional universe.

It seems to me that the only reason people write such pieces about Star Wars is its popularity and widespread familiarity, thus ensuring that many people will read it. Star Wars has been around for ages and it's been pretty much done to death in the media, especially in recent years. Perhaps it's time to focus on something new and a bit more original than pointing out flaws in things like Star Wars and Star Trek. Some people might feel that reflects a disappointing lack of ambition.

OK, I'm with the people who say it's S&S fantasy in sci-fi disguise. So I can give a pass to some of the goofy "science" stuff. It's not just the scientific logic that's bad, though, especially in the new movies. Anakin turns to the dark side because he had a bad dream? Huh-what? Padme dies after childbirth because she's "lost the will to live?" And almost every single scene involving those two is groan inducing and ridiculous. I admit to chuckling in the theater (and drawing disapproving looks from starry eyed Star Wars fans) during many of the "romance" scenes, including when he put the moves on her by floating some fruit in the air. Sure, she's older, once ran a planet, and is a member of the Galactic Senate, but Anakin's "socially inept junior high school boy" mojo totally wins her over.

Lightsabers: forget the hand guard. How about a wrist strap?

I thought surely you'd mention how ridiculous it is to have a planet like Tattooine—so remote that the Republic's writ supposedly doesn't run there and its currency is worthless—a convenient few hours flight (if that) from a central planet like Alderaan. There's barely enough time for a 3-D chess game or lightsaber training session before you're there. Not to mention that Tattooine is also easily accessible via broken hyperdrive from Naboo, yet another central and civilized planet.

Then there's Mustafar, the Lava Planet, which is apparently as easy to get to from Coruscant as New York is from D.C.

I don't think Lucas really thought the whole "Outer Rim" thing through. . . .

People are getting way too uptight, but since the OP is stating that in CAPS how the design is FAIL I'll bite also and prove him wrong on every count. :)

It's Sci-Fi folks. Anything... ANYTHING - can be explained.

R2-D2.
You never once stated why he needs a voice chip. He can't make ice tea either, why aren't you faulting him on that? Why isn't it that you can't understand what he's saying? Since you want to relate it to Earth - ok... should all French people be required to speak English just because dont want to learn their language?

Lightsabers.
It was never once shown you could slide a lightsaber down the shaft and lop of someones fingers. The lightsaber is designed so that as another saber slides down the shaft closer to the power source it repels it away from the hand. Don't believe it? You can't refute it can you. Welcome to Sci-Fi.

Blasters
Its not a streak of light. It makes a loud noise. Case closed.

Landspeeders and other vehciles
Maybe Luke's seatbelt broke off long ago in his piece of junk speeder. Maybe he's so used to traveling around and hardly ever seeing another vehicle nearly and near zero threat of hitting something hes too used to never putting it on. Maybe he just hates seatbelts.

Stormtrooper uniforms
Standing out is not a flaw. They have various types of armor anyhow, you need to see the movies again. Luke found his way around just fine in it, so obviously he could see in it. Only the most modern armor (General Grievous for example) was developed to withstand a blaster shot. Rebel armor was no better.

Death Star.
Yes, really. The port needed to be that big and it had to be straight. The exhaust particles would destroy the Death Star if it wasn't (can't refute that can you? Welcome to Sci-Fi) The next generation fixed that problem but it was still under construction. You seem to think that under construction = final version. Huge exposed shaft in throne room. His main room wasn't ready yet.

Sarlaac
How do you know he's immobile? Oh thats right - you don't. This is just where he comes for a few months to lay eggs every year.

Asteroid Worm
This asteroid just formed from a planet going kablooie, and the worm was dying (thus the ship got so easily and they walked around without notice). A good blaster shot gave it a wake up call of energy.

Midi-Chlorians
Are bound to a host and cannot be transported to another.

Welcome to the world of Sci-Fi. :)

Yes, it's all for fun I know.

(For that matter, the battle droids sure waste a lot of time speaking English to each other when a few bursts of binary code like, say, R2 always speaks, would let them get down to business in just a millisecond).

That's nothing.

You know the droid control ship up in orbit? The one that controls all the droids' actions, and the destruction of which instantly shuts down the whole droid army?

Why are the droids talking to each other at all?

Midi-Chlorians
Oh, man, don't get me started. Except to say this: If in fact a high concentration of midi-chlorians is the difference between being a common schmoe and being a dude who can Force Choke his enemies, the black market in midi-chlorian injections must be amazing.
Oh, and when forced to think about Star Wars logic (which kind of defeats the purpose of movies as escapism), I figured that midichlorians are actually attracted to a person's "Force potential". Injections would be meaningless as the excess midichlorians would just wander away in search of a greater potential, or die of starvation.

Alot of people are trying to rational Star Wars.

If Storm Trooper armor was only for terror (which it wasn't), why would your clone army be in it? Or another route - so snow trooper armor, bike speeder armor where just different designs for terror?

What gets me is physics - ok Star Wars defenders (And I have every book by the way). Explain how the Tie fighter makes a sound in space that others inside another ship can hear? Or the laser sounds?

How about a Death Star that can move though space but than decides to orbit a moon planet to blow up the Rebel base?

So Leia and Han land on an astroid and put on breathing masks - how come they didn't explode without a space suit? There would be no atomspheric pressure to balance internal pressure.

"Sarlaac
How do you know he's immobile? Oh thats right - you don't. This is just where he comes for a few months to lay eggs every year." Where did they say that in the movies? But more to the point - 1000 years to digress anything. It would be immobile because it takes 1000 years to get energy.

Look Star Wars is nice candy. Trying to defend it is pointless. Just enjoy it if you do.

Alot of people are trying to rational Star Wars.

If Storm Trooper armor was only for terror (which it wasn't), why would your clone army be in it? Or another route - so snow trooper armor, bike speeder armor where just different designs for terror?

What gets me is physics - ok Star Wars defenders (And I have every book by the way). Explain how the Tie fighter makes a sound in space that others inside another ship can hear? Or the laser sounds?

How about a Death Star that can move though space but than decides to orbit a moon planet to blow up the Rebel base?

So Leia and Han land on an astroid and put on breathing masks - how come they didn't explode without a space suit? There would be no atomspheric pressure to balance internal pressure.

"Sarlaac
How do you know he's immobile? Oh thats right - you don't. This is just where he comes for a few months to lay eggs every year." Where did they say that in the movies? But more to the point - 1000 years to digress anything. It would be immobile because it takes 1000 years to get energy.

Look Star Wars is nice candy. Trying to defend it is pointless. Just enjoy it if you do.

For your comments about the second Death Star. I believe that the path to the core large enough for ships to fly through makes perfect sense: The Death Star is under construction, okay, how do we get the materials to the core to build it?

In a world without transporter beams, you're going to use cargo ships and shuttles. With the sheer size of the Death Star, you are not going to land in a shuttlebay and move it along on fancy little hovercarts, you are going to want to get the parts as close to the core as you possibly can, and that way is to fly the cargo ships directly to the core. They were probably not done yet with that section and were trying to stay on schedule, thus the giant starship sized tunnel.

I always thought half the fun was inventing ways to rationalize the inconsistencies. No sound in space? Who says there is? When you the observer are watching a space battle, you must be enclosed in something; so a field of some sort is interacting with whatever you are enclosed in and causing a vibration. The "sound" doesn't have to be transmitted as "sound." With all those force fields around ....

Haven't read through all the responses, but a source of many of the ideas and images in SW is the films of Lucas's hero Akira Kurosawa. That's where he gets iconic images such as the helmets, as well as the swords/light-sabers. Furthermore the droids were inspired by the bickering peasants in "The Hidden Fortress."

Also, I DON'T want to put "the Jar-Jar" thing to rest. People see this in black or white terms (no pun intended). But for starters: Lucas was no racist. Let me repeat, George Lucas IS NOT A RACIST!!

Having said that, it's unfortunate that in his (poor) attempt at a comic-relief character, he drew on early Hollywood character types that were racist. I'm not offended in the slightest by Jar-Jar (other than being such a lame character), but I can respect that some can be rubbed the wrong way such a character. I disagree, but respect that some have a heartfelt reaction that I understand, and think people shouldn't be so strident and hostile, like it's an either/or proposition.

Okay, let's check the obvious: you wouldn't get thrown around by "going to light speed", you'd be stretched infinitely by the tidal forces of the universe and killed in billionths of a second. Faster than instantly.

The Death Star, either edition, does not rotate fast enough for centrifugal force to replicate gravity. There fore the body of the Death Star or the big junker in the sky, must be rotated to make that gravity thing happen, or else everyone floats around looking for midichlorians and stuff. Colossal fail on that. Also, since rotational forces must provide the gravity, the hallways should be at a right angle to the rotating body, so it would look like everyone was walking on the walls. Also the cup of water Vader moves should be sloshing over the side with the shifting gravitational forces within the Death Star...and on and on I can go...Same for the filthy water where they are being crushed in the original movie, the water would not be settled to the bottom of the pit but spun up against the walls or floating...and the idea that the death ray itself is composed of three, count em three rays that meet in mid air but have nothing guiding their convergence into the death ray itself?

And the ridiculous idea of manipulating matter with the Farce, uh, Force, but you can't just shut off Vader's power supply or air supply?

And the idea that his cybernetics were just rammed into place immediately after he was scarred horribly, crippled and left a multiple amputee? No healing time for the guy? Doesn't a Sith Lord get Blue Cross? No rehab? No comp time or medical leave for evil doers?
How does he get his parts out to whiz when he has the need to go?

Jar Jar Binks comes from underwater but he has neither gills nor flippers? Not even a fluke and webbed digits?

Please, I'm using the Farce, uh, the Force to keep from losing my lunch. The science of Star Whores is patently bad, even for Hollywood.

Star Trek...Bring it!!

I have always been bothered that the same aircraft that can make the "jump to hyperspace" still requires "gunners" to sit in turrets and fire at enemy aircraft.

I have always been bothered that the same aircraft that can make the "jump to hyperspace" still requires "gunners" to sit in turrets and fire at enemy aircraft.

I always just assumed the midi-chlorians were just a play on mitochondria i.e. the membranous organelles of endosymbiotic origin which are the major site of energy production within our cells (and without which it would be unlikely that we’d be multi-cellular organisms). The number of mitochondria per cell depends on the energy requirements of each cell, ie cardiac tissue has far more mitochondria than skin tissue. Push that idea a little further, Jedi are predisposed to having more mitochondria, I mean midi-chlorians, per cell, thus their cells have higher available energy etc etc.

Also for the black market transfer idea, you can’t bust open a cell and take it’s organelles without killing the cell, thus you wouldn’t be able get or transfer midi-chlorians, without killing a whole bunch of jedi along the way..

R2D2 - astromech droids are made to talk to and repair starships, and to calculate hyperspace jumps without the aid of a full navigation computer. If you'll look at the full-size diagnostic computer at your local car repair place, you'll notice its a box with wheels. (Note after Anakin took possession of the droid that he heavily modified it with useful things like jets and mad computer skills. He didn't modify R2D2 to speak Basic because Anakin didn't need that to understand him.)

C-3PO is a protocol droid. Part of his functionality is that he has limited mobility and manipulative abilities so that he's totally non-threatening in diplomatic situations. Of course a protocol droid would tend to cowardice. Its deliberately totally defenseless and is made to stick out in front to talk whenever the other side might shoot first and ask questions later.

Lightsaber handguards - Why? Jedi don't need handguards. To make it easier for non-Jedi to steal lightsabers and use them?

Blasters shoot blasterbolts, not light. And if you know how to make a blaster shoot a bolt without creating a lot of noise, tell us all.

There's no seatbelts on motorcycles. There's an element of danger to riding one just as there is to riding a swoop or speeder. (Note in the one movie, Anakin delayed by having to search for an open-canopy craft since its not common.) For larger craft like a landspeeder, it uses repulsorlift technology to push itself off the ground and to hold the passengers in.

Stormtrooper uniforms are kind of silly color scheme for fighting. But they're great for visibility, intimidation, and law enforcement purposes which was their primary use in the Empire era. Also consider we don't know if the armor is really white or not. It could be that many non-human species see outside our visible light spectrum and that its perfectly camo combination with other wavelengths.

As for stormtrooper armor being penetrable by blaster fire, blasters aren't the only weapon in existence and particularly not in low tech battlefields of the Clone Wars, on gun-controlled worlds of the Old Republic or Empire eras. So its vulnerable to blasters, sticks, and rocks...their armor was probably still better than nothing.

I figure a huge exposed shaft in the Death Star throne room served the same function as the rancor pit in Jabba's palace: the guy in charge tossed irritating people into it. Note that the Emperor was still trying to convert Luke even at the end by torturing him rather than trying to kill him quickly or efficiently.

Don't know if a Sarlaac's whole life cycle consists of being large and immobile. (You're trying to tell me there's this half ton carnivore called a "grizzly bear" which sleeps in a cave waiting for large animals to apparently feel suicidal and wander in on it?)

That Asteroid Worm Thing tried to chomp the heroes because Han shot it. No evidence it eats spaceships.

Midi-chlorians are a dumb concept. But its unknown if its common knowledge to the people of the galaxy that midi-chlorians cause Force powers or if midi-chlorians can be isolated or transferred. I'd guess that organ transplants from a Jedi might create some interesting situations though at least temporarily.

Walkers are a dumb concept. I could see how they might wow some primative on a backwater world. But if I were flying snow-speeders at them, I certainly would be going for the sides rather than charging in at the weapons.

TIE fighters don't have hyperdrives for two reasons. 1) Hyperdrives are expensive.
2) You really think an evil emperor is going to draft guys into the army then give them each sole control of a vehicle which would allow them to permanently escape military service?

X-wings have weapons on the end of each of the four wingtips. In theory the others can continue to work even with some disabled.

"Forest moons" and "desert planets" is how they kept everything in the movie from looking like southern california. Deal with it.

[i]What I always wondered is why some Dark Jedi never mastered the Force Power "Turn Off My Opponents Light Saber In Mid-Battle." It can't be more complicated than turning off a lightswitch, and you could totally mow down your opponents if you can manage the timing just right. [/i]

That's why Jedi have to master the Force power "Stop the Other Guy From Turning off My Lightsaber in Mid-Battle".

Just remember that R2 is really just the Kenny (southpark) of the Star Wars universe.

I like to think that the transcripts of everything Rs says would end up rated NC-17.

@ Omaha Lisa:

"I saw it when it first came out .. With a bucket of popcorn and diet coke. in a dark theater..."

Diet Coke was introduced in 1982, five years later.

I think I wrote an “answer” to this about a year ago:

10 reasons why the designs of Star Wars are awesome:
http://essenmitsosse.de/the-designs-of-star-wars/

Jeff Hentosz @ August 20, 2009 10:36 AM:

I think you've missed the most fundamental objection to Coruscant -- or other ecumenopolises in fiction, such as Asimov's Trantor. Where is all the food and potable water for untold billions of inhabitants coming from? If a large proportion of it has to be imported from elsewhere, it sure sounds to me like the supposed political and economic center of the galaxy is rather vulnerable to massive civic unrest and outright chaos if there's any disruption to traffic.

Didn't the Sarlaac take 1,000 years to digest its meal? Seems like an long time. More like a preservative. With all the crap they managed to throw in it one scene, you'd think it would be pretty easy to get out of...given a thousand years to try.

@john scalzi
Yes, SW is not fantasy, but Lucas (c. 1970s) was more like a precursor to Quentin Tarantino than a successor to Isaac Asimov. SW is about re-mixing themes and images, not creating a sensible universe to explore. That came later with the prequels, which is why they suck so much. Criticizing SW for design is like criticizing Kill Bill because the fight scenes don't look like real mob hits and fights.

Re flying into the 2nd Death Star: that was, like, construction stuff. It was unfinished, a key plot point in The Return of the Jedi.

@matti-han
Japanese swords developed for massed battlefield combat, where combatants were wearing armor on their hands and arms and, anyhow, weren't engaged so much in one-on-one duels. Modern kenjutsu practice and the whole samurai sword culture is an historical accident that came about from the rapid transition from battlefield combat training to peacetime in the Edo period.

Anyhow the whole issue of sword guards is a red herring. Any swordsman that relied on swordguards wouldn't last long under any circumstances, as evidenced by the ability of kendo players to strike the wrists despite the presence of tsuba on shinai.

@jeff hentosz
Yup, but see ancient Rome, Alpine water, and Egyptian grain. Like kenjutsu, history is accidental not rational, which is why sci fi can be foolish and have an aura of believability.

@essenmitsosse
Great link!

Whatever. "Star Wars" will be around a lot longer than this blog or AMC. Jerk.

People, the article is a only for fun, not for create rage.

Really, Star Wars never intended be realistic science fiction at all, never, was based in pulp science fiction in cinema and literature from the 1930-1950 decades. Buck Rogers, Flash Gordon, Edgar Rice Burroughts novels, etc. Of course, none of these novel are hard science fiction at all, are classical epic adventures in a space and technologic setting, no more.

Rationalice Star Wars to find some accurate scientific facts under the technology is plainly stupid, these designs are only for visual impact and artistic purposes, only believables in terns of conceptual design. Some examples: the desing for C3-PO is an homage to Fritz Lang Metropolis female robot, is not based in realistic robotics. Precuels Naboo space ships are based in 40-50s cars designs, and episodes IV-VI space fighters are based in 70s cars, that have nothing to do with a realistic technological evolution. We hear TIE fighters in space vacun because is cool, no more. And more, and more.

Some sci-fiction themes how conflict technology-nature are present in Star Wars in a filosofical and visual form, and that put Star Wars near to science fiction, but is not hard science fiction, and never pretend be.

If Star Wars never intended be realistic or scientificaly accurte I cant blame their designs how fails, they never intended not be unrealistic. A serious sci-fi author how John Scalzi must know this fact, for that reason this article is not serious, is only writing for plain fun.

Peace, people.

John is dead-on with most of these (though I might quibble with one or two). Two things: 1) none of this matters if the story works (and the bad science and design doesn't force one to drop their suspension of disbelief). History has shown that's clearly true for the first three movies and just as untrue for the last three (released, of course) 2) all of this pales compared to using sentient AIs as just slaves, plain and simple, with no apologies given. The good guys are just as much into slavery as the bad guys here.

John Scalzi > Have you ever heard about Space Opera or Space Fantasy?!? SW is not science-fiction, no need to argue about the scientific credibility...

If this article is just for fun, well... sorry, but let me say that it's a "most epic fail"...

There was a time earlier this year, when I was thinking: I wonder what a game would be like, that was obviously mocking Midi-Chlorians, by way of harvesting something like jedi, to make your character more powerful...

Then I remembered that this was the very premise of BioShock.

Also: Lucas totally screwed a Star Wars continuity point:

When a Sith Lord dies, they fall down a pit.
Emperor? Pit
Vader? Saved by Luke, thus not a Sith Lord when he died. No Pit.
Maul? Pit
Dooku vs. Yoda? No Pit, he gets away.
Anakin (as a Sith Lord) falls in Lava? Not a Pit, he lives.

Dooku on a BRIDGE! Dies and remains on the BRIDGE? WTF?!?!

Are you ready to be proved wrong?

1. R2D2
As you pointed out, the jets help him to get up stairs. R2D2 is an astrodroid. His main purpose is to fix damaged ships, as he did on the Queen's ship as they escaped Naboo. He doesn't need to talk to anyone. Besides Anakin didn't seem to have trouble understanding him in Episode 1 as Anakin took off from Naboo with the other pilots to take out the droid control ship. Anakin just read what R2 said.

2. C-3P0
He is a protocol droid. He doesn't need to have to move fast. As you said, he was built by an 8 year old. I don't believe that it was even fully explained how he was completed. What does it matter if he is a coward or not. It just brings some humor to the movie.

3. Not a bad point. I've always though the same thing, I'd just slice the hilt. Still, not an EPIC failure. I totally agree, having everyone just slice everyone elses hilts up would have made the movies so much better.

4. The blasters may be a tactical nightmare, but do you really think that any government would pass up the chance of having blasters? Obvously, the lasers would move a lot faster, but it's not like Lucas could, or should have made them move faster. Would you really want there to be no visible lasers?

5. Landspeeders and other Vehicles
My god. Are you serious? An "EPIC FAILURE"? Really? Just because there aren't seatbelts, it is an epic failure?

6. Stormtrooper Uniforms
Indeed, basically useless. Still, hardly an epic failure.

7. Death Star
I agree, truly a monumental failure in the design. It's still not really an epic failure. It's somewhat cheesy, but still it's not like Lucas unintentionally did this. He must have just been feeling very uncreative.

8. Sarlaac
I suppose it is somewhat true that they would not be fed very often, but the Sarlaac slowly digests it's food over 1,000 years, meaning that it wouldn't need to eat so often. Again, not epic.

9. Asteroid Worm Thing
Yeah, sorta dumb.

10. Midi-Chlorians
How do you know that it's something you can just inject? Besides it's better that they explain it as something real and definite that defines you as a jedi or not. I think its better that there is an actual way to tell, rather than just random people being different.

Really, most of these were just proved wrong, and those that I agree with, were hardly EPIC FALURES. Come on…

Try writing about something you know about.

Are you ready to be proved wrong?

1. R2D2
As you pointed out, the jets help him to get up stairs. R2D2 is an astrodroid. His main purpose is to fix damaged ships, as he did on the Queen's ship as they escaped Naboo. He doesn't need to talk to anyone. Besides Anakin didn't seem to have trouble understanding him in Episode 1 as Anakin took off from Naboo with the other pilots to take out the droid control ship. Anakin just read what R2 said.

2. C-3P0
He is a protocol droid. He doesn't need to have to move fast. As you said, he was built by an 8 year old. I don't believe that it was even fully explained how he was completed. What does it matter if he is a coward or not. It just brings some humor to the movie.

3. Not a bad point. I've always though the same thing, I'd just slice the hilt. Still, not an EPIC failure. I totally agree, having everyone just slice everyone elses hilts up would have made the movies so much better.

4. The blasters may be a tactical nightmare, but do you really think that any government would pass up the chance of having blasters? Obvously, the lasers would move a lot faster, but it's not like Lucas could, or should have made them move faster. Would you really want there to be no visible lasers?

5. Landspeeders and other Vehicles
My god. Are you serious? An "EPIC FAILURE"? Really? Just because there aren't seatbelts, it is an epic failure?

6. Stormtrooper Uniforms
Indeed, basically useless. Still, hardly an epic failure.

7. Death Star
I agree, truly a monumental failure in the design. It's still not really an epic failure. It's somewhat cheesy, but still it's not like Lucas unintentionally did this. He must have just been feeling very uncreative.

8. Sarlaac
I suppose it is somewhat true that they would not be fed very often, but the Sarlaac slowly digests it's food over 1,000 years, meaning that it wouldn't need to eat so often. Again, not epic.

9. Asteroid Worm Thing
Yeah, sorta dumb.

10. Midi-Chlorians
How do you know that it's something you can just inject? Besides it's better that they explain it as something real and definite that defines you as a jedi or not. I think its better that there is an actual way to tell, rather than just random people being different.

Really, most of these were just proved wrong, and those that I agree with, were hardly EPIC FALURES. Come on…

Try writing about something you know about.

Are you ready to be proved wrong?

1. R2D2
As you pointed out, the jets help him to get up stairs. R2D2 is an astrodroid. His main purpose is to fix damaged ships, as he did on the Queen's ship as they escaped Naboo. He doesn't need to talk to anyone. Besides Anakin didn't seem to have trouble understanding him in Episode 1 as Anakin took off from Naboo with the other pilots to take out the droid control ship. Anakin just read what R2 said.

2. C-3P0
He is a protocol droid. He doesn't need to have to move fast. As you said, he was built by an 8 year old. I don't believe that it was even fully explained how he was completed. What does it matter if he is a coward or not. It just brings some humor to the movie.

3. Not a bad point. I've always though the same thing, I'd just slice the hilt. Still, not an EPIC failure. I totally agree, having everyone just slice everyone elses hilts up would have made the movies so much better.

4. The blasters may be a tactical nightmare, but do you really think that any government would pass up the chance of having blasters? Obvously, the lasers would move a lot faster, but it's not like Lucas could, or should have made them move faster. Would you really want there to be no visible lasers?

5. Landspeeders and other Vehicles
My god. Are you serious? An "EPIC FAILURE"? Really? Just because there aren't seatbelts, it is an epic failure?

6. Stormtrooper Uniforms
Indeed, basically useless. Still, hardly an epic failure.

7. Death Star
I agree, truly a monumental failure in the design. It's still not really an epic failure. It's somewhat cheesy, but still it's not like Lucas unintentionally did this. He must have just been feeling very uncreative.

8. Sarlaac
I suppose it is somewhat true that they would not be fed very often, but the Sarlaac slowly digests it's food over 1,000 years, meaning that it wouldn't need to eat so often. Again, not epic.

9. Asteroid Worm Thing
Yeah, sorta dumb.

10. Midi-Chlorians
How do you know that it's something you can just inject? Besides it's better that they explain it as something real and definite that defines you as a jedi or not. I think its better that there is an actual way to tell, rather than just random people being different.

Really, most of these were just proved wrong, and those that I agree with, were hardly EPIC FALURES. Come on…

Try writing about something you know about.

Even as a child I could never get around the fact there were no railings or banisters any where, except in the emporers room (I guess thats what being the boss gets you, horizontal security).

And I can't believe nobody mentioned the gun on Jabba's pleasure barge, who the hell designs a ship mounted gun that can be pointed at the deck of the ship its on? Explain that one to me fanboys.

Maybe they should mention somewhere in the intro that the galaxy far, far away has no health and safety inspectors.

Financial experts have traditionally held that equities belong in a portfolio because, despite involving greater risk than cash or bonds, when held over the long term they offer higher return potential. However, that conventional wisdom has come under fire since the double whammy of the dot-com crash and the credit crunch. If you’re wondering whether it’s time to revisit the amount you’ve allocated to stocks, understanding both sides of the argument can help you make a more informed decision.

"R2-D2
Sure, he's cute, but the flaws in his design are obvious the first time he approaches anything but the shallowest of stairs. Also: He has jets, a periscope, a taser and oil canisters to make enforcer droids fall about in slapsticky fashion -- and no voice synthesizer. Imagine that design conversation: "Yes, we can afford slapstick oil and tasers, but we'll never get a 30-cent voice chip past accounting. That's just madness.""

It is neat how you contradict yourself immediately there. Also, I don't seem to remember anyone having a problem understanding R2, or any astromech droid for that matter.

"C-3PO
Can't fully extend his arms; has a bunch of exposed wiring in his abs; walks and runs as if he has the droid equivalent of arthritis. And you say, well, he was put together by an eight-year-old. Yes, but a trip to the nearest Radio Shack would fix that. Also, I'm still waiting to hear the rationale for making a protocol droid a shrieking coward, aside from George Lucas rummaging through a box of offensive stereotypes (which he'd later return to while building Jar-Jar Binks) and picking out the "mincing gay man" module."

Oh the GL is a racist argument. It is funny that I actually had to have the sterotypes in question actually pointed out to even notice them. Guess that is some insight into how your mind works. And since you haven't actually watched the movies, which is obvious, all the protocol droids we see of 3PO's make move in the same manner, including one that works as a bounty hunter. So it clearly is a purposeful design and not the doings of an 8 year old.

"Lightsabers
Yes, I know, I want one too. But I tell you what: I want one with a hand guard. Otherwise every lightsaber battle would consist of sabers clashing and then their owners sliding as quickly as possible down the shaft to lop off their opponent's fingers. You say: Lightsabers can slice through anything but another lightsaber, so what are you going to make a hand guard out of? I say: Dude, if you have the technology to make a lightsaber, you have the technology to make a light hand guard"

Wow, in a blog rant about tech design FAIL, you suggest a hand guard made... out of a lightsaber blade... something which can cut through pretty much anything. Good thing Jedi never move their hands or fingers on the hilt or adjust the hilt position. Oh wait.

"Blasters
A tactical nightmare: They're incredibly loud, especially for firing what are essentially light beams. The fire ordnance is so slow it can be dodged, and it comes out as a streak of light that reveals your position to your enemies. Let's not even go near the idea of light beams being slow enough to dodge; that's just something you have let go of, or risk insanity."

Oh man, lets not go near that idea. If they were beams of light, they would move too fast for you to see. So guess they aren't beams of light. Guess they are something that moves slow enough to actually see. I also hear that militaries that use weapons that make loud bangs fail tactically and never accomplish missions. Oops.

"Landspeeders and other flying vehicles
Here's the thing: In the Star Wars universe, there are no seatbelts. And maybe if you're flying your hoity-toity vehicle on Coruscant, you have, like, a force field that keeps you flying out of your seat. But Luke's X-34 speeder on Tatooine? The Yugo of speeders, man. One hard stop, and out you go."

Seriously, your powers of observation are ridiculously bad. That or you are akin to a Trek fan that needs a technobabble explanation for everything even though you can see the effects of something clear as day. The people in Star Wars routinely travel, turn and stop at speeds that should turn them into goo. Since that doesn't happen, there must be something in effect that prevents that from happening. Does every single piece of technology in a setting like Star Wars need to be spelled out for you and given a name. Apparently, it does.

"Stormtrooper Uniforms
They stand out like a sore thumb in every environment but snow, the helmets restrict view ("I can't see a thing in this helmet!" -- Luke Skywalker), and the armor is penetrable by single shots from blasters. Add it all up and you have to wonder why stormtroopers don't just walk around naked, save for blinders and flip-flops."

Hey, I hear that modern armor on our soldiers stops bullets perfectly, every time. Oh wait. I also hear that if you randomly grab a helmet that isn't sized to your head, it may not fit correctly? IMPOSSIBLE! It must just not work properly! Looks like the only thing adding up is that you are an idiot.

"Death Star
An unshielded exhaust port leading directly to the central reactor? Really? And when you rebuild it, your solution to this problem is four paths into the central core so large that you can literally fly a spaceship through them? Brilliant. Note to the Emperor: Someone on your Death Star design staff is in the pay of Rebel forces. Oh, right, you can't get the memo because someone threw you down a huge exposed shaft in your Death Star throne room."

On top of not watching, I guess you had the sound down as well. "The shaft is RAY SHIELDED, so you will have to use proton torpedoes." I mean, like only a million to one shot guided by some miraculous force would get into that shaft... Oh... wait. I don't think I need to say anything about the fact that the second Death Star wasn't competed and it's inner superstructure was exposed. I mean, if you watched the... movie... you... Oh... wait. P.S. I hear that no one has ever been forcibly thrown over a railing before. Say it with me class... Oh.. wait.

"Bad design in Star Wars is not just limited to stuff; evolution here seems wacky, too. Three choice bits:"

Oh boy... do I want to even venture forward?

"Sarlaac
A monstrous yet immobile creature who lives in an exposed pit in the middle of a lifeless desert, waiting for large animals to apparently feel suicidal and trek out to throw themselves in? Yeah, not so much. Not every Sarlaac can count on an intergalactic mob boss to feed it tidbits."

Man, maybe you are just stupid. Yes, clearly Tattooine is lifeless. I mean, it's not like it supports tribes of Tusken Raiders, wandering banthas, womp rats, humans, and countless other aliens. Not to mention the Sarlacc itself and dinosuar sized creatures that you are shown the skeleton of if you watched... Oops I forgot. You really do need to have the obvious spelled out for you don't you.

"That Asteroid Worm Thing in Empire Strikes Back
So, large space worm lives in asteroid, disguises itself as a cave and waits for unwary spaceships to fly by so it can eat them? Makes the Sarlaac look like a marvel of natural selection, it does."

The fact that the Falcon flies into the space slug on accident, in a desperate attempt to not be captured or killed by the Empire automatically leads you to the conclusion that the space slugs source of food is space ships and its means of luring them in is disguising itself as a cave? Holy hell. Do you need help tying your shoe laces?

"Midi-Chlorians
Oh, man, don't get me started. Except to say this: If in fact a high concentration of midi-chlorians is the difference between being a common schmoe and being a dude who can Force Choke his enemies, the black market in midi-chlorian injections must be amazing."

It must be... unless... it doesn't work. I mean, if it were that easy, why not just clone an army of Jedi. Why spend what must be an unimaginable amount of money and resources blood screening the countless children born in the civilized part of the galaxy, when you could just inject some Force on into whoever you wanted? In the thousands of years of history in the Star Wars galaxy, surely someone must have thought of that right? Nah, it must have just taken a sharp mind like yours to come up with that idea.
We won't even touch on the fact that midichlorians are in your cells and not just your blood stream like you moronically assume from hearsay, since again, you clearly haven't actually seen any of the Star Wars movies.

It makes me sad that people like you are allowed to interact with the masses.

It makes me sad, too. So very sad.

My actual objection to Jar Jar was his epic FAIL as a part of the story. He seems to have been written into Episode I as a comedy relief character and as the focus of all the cute merchandising aimed at the younger folk. And it's claimed Lucas actually had a bigger role for him through the rest of the trilogy, to grow in wisdom, become a trusted advisor to Amidala, etc. But for the first movie, we had Jar Jar falling over, Jar Jar licking things, Jar Jar getting shocked by charged equipment, Jar Jar getting on everyone's nerves. And this amphibious creature goes to Tatooine, a desert planet? Maybe Qui Gon was hoping he'd shrivel up like a toad. Comedy relief characters are so hard to do right, and instead of Sancho Panza, Jar Jar became the series' Twiki.

I can buy the Sarlaac's getting along fine on whatever tiny animals wander into its pit. There's more life in the desert than we usually see (remember the Sand Worm skeletons?). I suspect, though, that being "digested over 1,000 years" may have been hyperbole on Jabba's part. I would doubt it gets much sustenance from Jabba's yacht.

Since they never discussed how gravity is being created aboard space vessels, we'll just have to assume that artificial gravity is easy to generate in the SW universe, just like it is in the Star Trek universe. On that count, almost all TV & Movie SF is a fail. Except for "Apollo 13," where they simulated weightlessness with 30-second takes on the "Vomit Comet."

Yes, SW is fantasy, I agree. The scene in "Jedi" where Jabba drops Luke through a trap door to fight a dungeon monster? Right outta Flash Gordon. That's why I liked it; that and the way the first movies created their whole galaxy with the same tricks and cheats used since "King Kong," before computers could eliminate sets, Special Effects wizards, matte painting, and even actors.

Oh yeah, and there historical precedent for uniforms meant to look intimidating but be worthless in actual combat:

The British in the Revolutionary War had their bright red uniforms and close-formation marching, which left them vulnerable to ambushes by frontiersmen wearing buskins and furs (hmmm).

The spiked helmet on German officers may have been menacing looking, although it was originally meant to hold plumage for dress uniforms. But in the trenches of WWI, it made the officers easier to spot and shoot at.

And Lucas himself said in the commentary track of Ep VI, he was influenced partly by the fact that for all the technology and firepower the US poured into Vietnam, in the end the Viet Cong rode into Saigon on bicycles.

"Sarlaac: A monstrous yet immobile creature who lives in an exposed pit in the middle of a lifeless desert, waiting for large animals to apparently feel suicidal and trek out to throw themselves in? Yeah, not so much. Not every Sarlaac can count on an intergalactic mob boss to feed it tidbits."

Did you ever see an ant lion larva? That's exactly how it behaves and captures food. See wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ant_lion

E.

hey dude ur totally not making sense

perhaps u should think a little more before u make such a fool of yourself

1... r2d2 there are no stairs ... its not called stair wars .. he is designed to communicate with machines not people ... presumable in the future people didnt want there dishwashers and microwaves talking to them ... i certainly dont ... besides there are too many languages in the universe thats what c3po is for

the charm of r2 is that his memory is never erased there fore he has an opportunity to develop a personality and learn from past experience... he wasnt designed to be your pet or best friend ... hes a functional robot

2 ... C-3PO
Can't fully extend his arms; has a bunch of exposed wiring in his abs; walks and runs as if he has the droid equivalent of arthritis.

again ur dumb ... c3po is a protocal droid ... hes not supposed to do much other than effectively be a polite interpreter in every single language ... again his memory is not whiped ... developes personality ... if he was designed to be functional theyd give him wheels but hes designed to look pretty and be polite

>>

oh no your offended probably because you are stupid

3. Lightsabers

light sabers are dangerous and require above average skill... thats the point... u want it logical but it would be more stupid if there was a "hand guard" ... god have u ever thought about anything

Blasters
A tactical nightmare: They're incredibly loud, especially for firing what are essentially light beams. >>
and if they are why shouldnt they make noise... anything that has to produce a large amount of energy makes noise dumb ass

Landspeeders and other flying vehicles
Here's the thing:

>>

Stormtrooper Uniforms
They stand out like a sore thumb in every environment but snow, the helmets restrict view ("I can't see a thing in this helmet!" -- Luke Skywalker), >>> and the armor is penetrable by single shots from blasters. >>

Death Star
An unshielded exhaust port leading directly to the central reactor? Really?

>>

And when you rebuild it, your solution to this problem is four paths into the central core so large that you can literally fly a spaceship through them?

>>>
Brilliant. Note to the Emperor: Someone on your Death Star design staff is in the pay of Rebel forces.

>>

Sarlaac
A monstrous yet immobile creature who lives in an exposed pit in the middle of a lifeless desert, waiting for large animals to apparently feel suicidal and trek out to throw themselves in?

>>>

That Asteroid Worm Thing in Empire Strikes Back
So, large space worm lives in asteroid, disguises itself as a cave and waits for unwary spaceships to fly by so it can eat them? Makes the Sarlaac look like a marvel of natural selection
>

thats it ... stop being so stupid ... the star wars ideas make way more sense than your existance thats for sure

Got another design flaw - wondering about how Jedis' get more powerful after you kill them. Obi-Wan said to Vader "If you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." After that, and for the rest of the series, he did NOTHING. NOTHING. What power is that? I know he told Luke he'd have to face Vader on his own, but what about lending a hand to the rest of the rebels? I guess my brother in law has the same midichlorian count because he doesn't do anything either!

By Alfetta159 on August 21, 2009 12:03 PM

Another funny thing is how the Death Star destorys an entire world, like there's some glut of M-type planets in the real-estate market of Empire.

You think? I guess you didn't notice all the different planets in Star Wars where humans can walk around without spacesuits.

By Farragut Jones on August 21, 2009 2:11 PM

I thought surely you'd mention how ridiculous it is to have a planet like Tattooine—so remote that the Republic's writ supposedly doesn't run there and its currency is worthless—a convenient few hours flight (if that) from a central planet like Alderaan. There's barely enough time for a 3-D chess game or lightsaber training session before you're there. Not to mention that Tattooine is also easily accessible via broken hyperdrive from Naboo, yet another central and civilized planet.

Another marvel of intellect, I see. I guess the fact that someone can travel a few hundred yards from Mexico to Texas, where his pesos are worthless proves that the real world is unrealistic, too.

Then there's Mustafar, the Lava Planet, which is apparently as easy to get to from Coruscant as New York is from D.C.

I don't think Lucas really thought the whole "Outer Rim" thing through. . . .

He thought it through alright, it's just that so many self-proclaimed "experts" are too dumb to get it. The fact that characters can go from the Outer Rim to the center of the galaxy in a few hours only proves that the ships in Star Wars are extremely fast. This kind of speed would be required for a Galactic Empire to even exist. Without it, a client state could be subverted, overthrown and the plotters could die of old age long before the Empire could so much as hear about it, let alone do anything about it.

By wahoo mcdaniel on August 21, 2009 6:20 PM

And the ridiculous idea of manipulating matter with the Farce, uh, Force, but you can't just shut off Vader's power supply or air supply?

A clever idea provided:

(a) Vader didn't use his own Force powers to block you
(b) Vader just stood there while you tried to turn off his respirator

Since neither A or B seam plausible, I think a more likely outcome is that Darth Vader would grow impatient and choke his assailant, stab them or cut them in half. You might as well try to tie his shoe laces together or throw sand in his face and kick him in the nuts.

By Craig Ranapia on August 22, 2009 8:52 AM

Jeff Hentosz @ August 20, 2009 10:36 AM:

I think you've missed the most fundamental objection to Coruscant -- or other ecumenopolises in fiction, such as Asimov's Trantor. Where is all the food and potable water for untold billions of inhabitants coming from? If a large proportion of it has to be imported from elsewhere, it sure sounds to me like the supposed political and economic center of the galaxy is rather vulnerable to massive civic unrest and outright chaos if there's any disruption to traffic.

I could go into detail about why your point is so stupid, but thanks to astrophysicist Curtis Saxton, I don't have to:

http://www.theforce.net/swtc/astro.html#coruscant

In his personal web site and newsgroup postings, Michael P. Kube-McDowell, respected author of the Black Fleet Crisis novels, objected to the common picture of Coruscant's population and terrain. He expressed disbelief that such a planet could be ecologically viable. He exclaimed that the consumable imports “would turn the skies black with space freighters”. Fortunately this pessimism proves unfounded on closer, quantitative inspection. The worlds of STAR WARS are not closed ecological systems; each can be sustained by superscience recycling technologies and material imports mined and farmed from the countless multitudes of unsettled systems. The problem of freighters in the sky depends on the average size and capacity of cargo ships. Assuming a daily consumption of several kg of food per citizen, the needs of the entire planet-city can be met by either a large number of small ships or a small number of large ships. Even if there was no recycling or indoor agriculture on Coruscant, the daily needs of all residents could be met by the following kinds of solutions:

ships per day/ capacity per ship/ approx sky area (all ships)
1 ---15 km cube ---2 × 108 m²
1000 ---1.5 km cube ---2 × 109 m²
1000000 ---150 m cube ---2 × 1010 m²

The total sky area of the planet is about 5 × 1014 m² (assuming that it is Earth-sized), so even if the daily food freighters are only as large as medium freighters and they all arrive simultaneously by the millions they will still not cover more than a tiny fraction of a percent of the sky. Bigger ships would dominate the sky much less. In practice, ships would not arrive at just one time in the day; recycling technology would be high; many of the imports would arrive via skyhook elevators; and ecosystems would thrive in the dank depths at ground level.

An internet truism:

Sense of humor is inversely proportional to length of comment.

No it isn't.

HA! That's hilarious.

Hi all!
I'm a newbee here but feel compelled to comment.
I've just finished reading Isaac Asimovs' Foundation novels(well, 14 of them so far!).
The similarities between them and the SW films is unmistakable, although the plots are very different.

1. The force = Powers of the 2nd foundation, and Gaia.

2. Jedi's = 2nd Foundation

3. Darth Vader = The Mule

4. Coruscant = Trantor

5. Empire = Empire

6. Hyperspace jump = Hyperspatial jump(Asimov is credited as being the first person to have realised this concept in the 1940's)

7.C3PO/R2-D2 = Daneel Olivaw/Giskard

8. Millenium Falcon(fastest ship in the galaxy) = The Far Star(fastest ship in the galaxy)

Star Wars released 1977
Foundation written 1951

Anyone else noticed these similarities?

PS don't be to hard on the SW films. They are only intended for entertainment, just enjoy them for what they are...good old fashioned fun! Get some perspective please.

Captain Yossarian,
Marry me.

Money quote:
Perhaps it's time to focus on something new and a bit more original than pointing out flaws in things like Star Wars and Star Trek. Some people might feel that reflects a disappointing lack of ambition.

This list was fun to read, but I disagree with John's take on the Sarlaac.

C3PO, during his imprisonment in Jabba's palace, tells the heroes the bad news: You will be cast into the pit of Carkoon where "you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years."

A thousand years. That's how long it takes the Sarlaac to digest a meal. Sounds to me like the Sarlaac is perfectly adapted to life in a desolate desert environment where food is scarce.

As an industrial designer and science fiction author, I really enjoyed this piece. From the first time I saw SW I have always regarded it as science fantasy rather than science fiction--and certainly not science. The goals and constraints of cinematic entertainment are always different from those of design in the real-world, and the resolution of competing design forces is more driven by plot, character, pace, rhythm, surprise, and the like than realism. All SF movies violate real-world principles in one way or another. I love Minority Report, but always find it amusing when Anderton can manage an enormous range of manipulations by gesture but new files or data have to be physically moved on large glass-like plates from one console and slipped into a slot in another. What, no network access? Makes no sense in real design terms, but it breaks up what might otherwise be relentless and boring data-glove conducting. Still, thinking about violations of the laws of physics or disregard for design principles in film can be useful, particularly as it helps build skills in clarifying that all-important border between reality and unreality, something we certainly can use more of in these times of rampant conspiracy theories and multiplying email nonsense.

As an industrial designer and science fiction author, I really enjoyed this piece. From the first time I saw SW I have always regarded it as science fantasy rather than science fiction--and certainly not science. The goals and constraints of cinematic entertainment are always different from those of design in the real-world, and the resolution of competing design forces is more driven by plot, character, pace, rhythm, surprise, and the like than realism. All SF movies violate real-world principles in one way or another. I love Minority Report, but always find it amusing when Anderton can manage an enormous range of manipulations by gesture but new files or data have to be physically moved on large glass-like plates from one console and slipped into a slot in another. What, no network access? Makes no sense in real design terms, but it breaks up what might otherwise be relentless and boring data-glove conducting. Still, thinking about violations of the laws of physics or disregard for design principles in film can be useful, particularly as it helps build skills in clarifying that all-important border between reality and unreality, something we certainly can use more of in these times of rampant conspiracy theories and multiplying email nonsense.

[i]
By Aaron on August 24, 2009 1:23 AM
I can't believe nobody mentioned the gun on Jabba's pleasure barge, who the hell designs a ship mounted gun that can be pointed at the deck of the ship its on? Explain that one to me fanboys.
[/i]

Its a pleasure barge, not a weapons barge. The gun was obviously a retrofit.

As far as mounted guns pointing at the vehicle its mounted on, our first two-man combat aircraft with a mounted gun depended on the crewman to not shoot off the tail, wings, propellor, or pilot.

Also the first machine guns mounted on trains and automobiles could definitely shoot the vehicle they were mounted on. We fought two world wars using that technology.

I don't know if a modern humvee-type vehicle has a machine gun mounted on it that can be depressed far enough to shoot its vehicle's engine. But I'd be surprised if it couldn't since the bad guys which need shooting might be standing close to the vehicle. Anyone with experience in the current military want to weigh in with some facts on that one?

1.) R2D2: R2's capable of getting around (even with stairs) - with the 3 legs and the jets, he's mobile. As far as voice, he's an Astromech droid, built primarily for computation and conversing with computers. So the ability to speak is an unnecessary addition.

2.) C3PO: His ability to move as well as a human or ensure his wiring is protected is not a priority - he's a protocol droid, and as such isn't required to run around all the time and get into battles.

3.) Lightsabers: Not a bad point. That said, though, Jedi have always been against any sort of real defense. When flying into space, they wear no protective helmet or armor (even the minimal - to allow them to breathe in space). Jedi are as a group against this sort of defensive addition.

4.) Blasters: Blasters are really not as loud as our guns today, and no slower. Bullets are dodged every day - not because they were able to see where it was coming from and react before it got to its target, but because if you realize someone's shooting at you, you are more likely to bob and weave a bit.

5.) Landspeeders: Maybe they've got seatbelts, but Luke's just careless.

6.) Stormtrooper Outfits: Luke couldn't see a thing likely because he was unused to their operations. Granted, sadly Episode IV makes stormtroopers look like punks, but that's not the whole truth.

7.) The Death Star: It makes sense that an 'exposed' shaft leads inevitably to a hot-@$$ed Nuclear Core. The second Death Star was, a.) Protected by a Shield Generator, and b.) Functional but structurally incomplete. That explains all the gaping holes.

8.) Sarlaac: Sarlaacs eat very, very little, and have an extremely efficient, very slow metabolism.

9.) The Space-Worm: It feeds on many lesser creatures that can also somehow live in space. Look at all the mynocks in its mouth.

10.) Midicholorians: The Midichlorian test shows that a certain person has force potential. This is likely not because the Midichlorians are little generators for the force but instead that they are *drawn* to the force.

I can't believe Vader's breathing valve didn't make the list.

His survival suit seems to me to be extremely advanced, but the guys in the design department didn't see fit to spend the money on a valve that would allow Vader to sneak up on people.

Had they used a silent valve, Vader would've been able to kill Luke and the entire story would be different.

Those guys should be fired.

Not a design error, but rather an error of common sense: It's established that the Death Star needs to clear Yavin before it can fire on the rebel base and destroy it. Since we have already established that the Death Star is a planet killer (of Alderaan), why not simply blow up Yavin to move the planet out of the way, and provide the precious seconds that would have saved the ultimate weapoon?

And to the poster at the top of the thread who talked about BSG 'thinking things through', I'd submit you're right. It must take real technological sense to figure out how to change gender and skin pigment for half of your key crew members.

Droids--no gripes here. They're stupid.

Lightsabers--from watching them in use it's obvious you can't slide down the blade. Thus there is no need for any protection against an opponent doing so.

Blasters--they obviously shoot some*THING*, presumably magnetically confined plasma. Thus it doesn't move at lightspeed.

Landspeeders--the equivalent of motorcycles. Before you say they make no sense, explain the popularity of motorcycles on Earth even in societies that don't need them.

Stormtrooper uniforms--I can actually see one use for them. They are obviously quite unsuited to actual combat--but since the Emperor controls everything there should be little real combat in the first place. They make the guys inside anonymous (and people are more willing to do dirty deeds when anonymous), there is the intimidation factor and they do provide protection against harassment attacks (kids throwing stones etc.)

First Death Star: The problem is that stuff needed to be able to come out of the port. Any shield that would have stopped Luke would have also prevented the exhaust. The targeting systems of the day that could be mounted on a fighter couldn't make the shot, bigger stuff couldn't get there to shoot in the first place. It was *ONLY* vulnerable to a fighter flown by a Jedi. Sure, you could have redesigned things so that couldn't happen but everything's a tradeoff, you can't make perfection. Since there weren't supposed to be any Jedi about it's not worth weakening it in other ways to guard against them.

Second Death Star: It was incomplete and furthermore it had to *LOOK* vulnerable. Remember that it wasn't a combat ship at that point, it was a big trap for the rebel forces and specifically Luke.

As for the superlaser--I agree with the other posters that laser beams can't just turn like that. But is it turning?? Is that the same beam at all? Alternate hypothesis: There is something at the focus of those beams that we don't see that is actually the true laser. All the beams we see feeding into it are really just exciters for the real laser. Given the power that must be flowing through it it's obvious that it's not a real object there, it's either pure force fields or atoms being confined by forcefields--in either case, it's quite possible for it to be invisible.

Waiting to clear Yavin--What's the recharge time on the planet-killer weapon? And could it effectively fire through the debris from blowing up a planet????

Sarlacc--it's just an ant lion writ large. It's probably a low-metabolism immortal (in the sense of no death by old age) creature that simply keeps growing. (Many lower life forms on Earth are like that.) This one has been used as a means of execution for ages and it's grown *FAR* bigger than normal.

The asteroid worm--it's not beyond the realm of possibility. While it's basically impossible for life to arise in space there's no fundamental reason a space-based ecology couldn't exist if it arose somewhere less harsh. Think of a low-gravity world that loses it's atmosphere over time--will everything die off or will some critters adapt?

Respirators on the asteroid--despite popular misconceptions exposure to space will *NOT* kill you. There is no such thing as explosive decompression. The actual threats:

1) The only one that will actually kill you: The speed at which the air leaves. If your space capsule suddenly blows open you're lungs are going to be shredded by the air's hasty departure. This is probably lethal.

2) Lack of oxygen: An oxygen mask doesn't do it (which would have kept them from merely using respirators on the asteroid) because you can't get the air into your lungs, nor can your chest handle the pressure. If you could take the lungs out of the picture--say, a system that could directly oxygenate the blood {and do it without causing clotting!} then you could live sans suit for a while. In time you would dehydrate, though.

3) Sunburn. Without the atmosphere's filtering you're going to burn very quickly and very badly.

I have seen proposals for spacesuits that are *NOT* airtight. The arms and legs would have nothing more than basically compression stockings, only the head and torso would be encased in a hard, airtight system. (I have never seen addressed how the arm and leg openings are supposed to be sealed.) Such a suit would provide less protection against micrometeorites but would be *FAR* easier to work with.

Tenthreeleader wrote: "Not a design error, but rather an error of common sense: It's established that the Death Star needs to clear Yavin before it can fire on the rebel base and destroy it. Since we have already established that the Death Star is a planet killer (of Alderaan), why not simply blow up Yavin to move the planet out of the way, and provide the precious seconds that would have saved the ultimate weapon?"

You thought of that too, hmmm...?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzoeEdW-EDQ

:-)

OK I'm back. Has anyone even thought of the fact that it should be close to impossible, not to mention obnoxiously expensive, to gather enough raw material to even build the Death Star in the first place? And on to of that they did it TWICE!?

Wish I had owned stock in the mining company that got that contract.

I was always disappointed by human survival in a binary star system. The temperature variance on any such planet would far exceed any human tolerance.

I always assumed they Force Shielded their hands and that they similarly protected themselves with Force shields against a number of different attacks, including the lightsaber being remotely turned off and being Force shoved.

You can have a livable planet in a binary system. If it's in the L-4 or L-5 point of the star pair it will experience a stable climate and not be prone to ejection. Note, however, that in such an environment the angular distance between the two stars will always be 60 degrees.

You can also add other reasonably distant stars to such a system without knocking the planet out.

I can also imagine other more exotic possibilities such as the planet is in a very tight orbit about a very red dwarf, tidally locked at something other than 1:1 so it turns relative to the star. The star is so far in the red that it emits little in the way of light but provides the warmth the planet needs. You could then have other stars in all sorts of orbits, as long as they don't come too close to bake the planet it's fine as when they move away the planet doesn't freeze. This couldn't persist for long enough to evolve life but such a planet could be colonized.

I think you missed the boat on the character of C3PO. It had less to do with design than imitation. The original Star Wars movie was consciously based on and in many ways a copy of, the Kurosawa movie The Hidden Fortress. C3PO and R2D2 were deliberate imitations of the peasant conscript soldiers who served in that movie as foils to the stronger characters. There entire purpose was to make the other characters look even stronger and nobler by providing blatant contrasts. And in developing the way that C3PO behaved, Lucas was deliberately aping Kurosawa.

C3PO's mannerisms, I think, had nothing to do with intimations of homosexuality. It was meant to be more of a Tartuffe than a Bruce. Around the world, all theatrical traditions include stock characters that are cowardly and buffoonish. They are, again, nothing but a self-propelled backdrop to provide a bit of comic relief but mainly to serve to backlight the hero to make him look even bigger.

Yup there were a lot of bad designs in there, but keep in mind this was all designed in the 70`s... The USMC Dropship from "Aliens" is a classic because the designers actually worked to a brief then figured what it would need,
I do have an answer to the "Lock S-foils" query, yes the X-wing is in space so does`nt necessarily need wings. Its engines are referred to as Fusial Thrust, this means that it turns by increasing/decreasing thrust to the seperate engines to steer (Whoo thrust vectoring!!!!!!!, so why did`nt we see luke spin the X-wing round and blast Vader at near point-blank??????) so for combat mode it makes sense that you have the engines apart to spread the effects. Also it has been stated in various guides and technical manuals that the guns have to be a certain distance apart when fired, otherwise it creates some kind of highly ionised field that can be very explosive. I remember seeing this used as a plot point for a graphic novel where an X-wing pilot wipes out a Star Destroyer by firing with wings closed inside the hold.
Regarding Vader`s noisy suit/General Grievous being a ridiculous target, keep in mind that The Emperor was not a complete idiot (okay the first Death Star had the unshielded thermal port, but at least he was not on board when it got stuffed {Tarkin was advised to jump ship when they realised the problem but he stayed on board}). All of Palpatines apprentices where pawns until he could get one stronger,better,harder,faster. Darth Maul was just there to scare the crap out of people, Tyranus was a good manipulator and had money and could be a visible face of "the enemy". Grievous did`nt even have force abilities but was a great tactician. Anakin as soon as he turned Sith was talking about "MY New Empire!!!!!" so pretty obvious that once the smoke had cleared and he had the wherewithal to make Padme live forever then it would not have been long before Palpatines shuttle had an "accident" involving a modified "super-duper-hyperdrive" making the ship enter real space in the middle of a black hole. Palpatine made sure that Vader was a Pit bull, but still one who`s leash he could tighten when needed. Hence why Vader could`nt use lightning, he would have shorted out his arms and legs.

I would say the real achievement is having got the prequels to just about tie up with the original trilogy, I keep hoping that we might get a 2009 Trek "Reboot" of the original trilogy.... but thats a whole different ballgame

Two questions that always got me:

The trash compactor – why was there a light in that room? (For more trashing on the trash compactor, check out McSweeney’s:)
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2002/01/10deathstar.html

And two, how can anyone explain them escaping the Death Star and Princess Leia saying, “I know they’re tracking this ship, so let’s go straight to the secret Rebel Base so they can blast it to crap!”

I've always thought it would be really weird using a sword (lightsaber) made of energy, energy that doesn't WEIGH anything in combat. There'd be no frame of reference for the blade, and all that twirly shit they do you're gonna need it. Otherwise, one wrong flick of the wrist is gonna take your fucking leg off.