John Scalzi - The Science Fiction B-Movie Hall of Fame: Cast Your Vote!
America is getting ready to vote in a presidential election next Tuesday, but forget that -- I've got something far more important to life on earth as we know it today: A poll for your choices for the Science Fiction B-Movie Hall of Fame! Two weeks ago I asked you all to nominate some of your cheesy favorite science fiction flicks of all time, and you came through, with over a hundred comments with suggestions. From these I've culled ten nominees, based on (in no particular order) frequency of nomination, enthusiasm for the movie by the nominator, and fundamental cheesiness of the film involved.
I tried to steer away from movies that, while cheesy, were also major productions -- for example, 1983's Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone, while undeniably cheesetastic, was also relatively big-budget and heavily promoted by Columbia Pictures. And since I limited the poll list to ten movies, I couldn't pick everything for this round. But don't worry. If this goes off well, we'll do this again.
And now: Your nominees -- and selected comments from the nominators. Read the reasons, and then cast your vote. The two movies which receive the highest number of votes will ascend to the Science Fiction B-Movie Hall of Fame. I'm sure their filmmakers would be proud. In chronological order:
Robot Monster (1953)
TioChan:
"The last family on Earth have to contend with man-eating dinosaurs, a
food shortage, and a space helmet-wearing gorilla from outer-space
armed with a calcinator ray and a bubble machine who wants them dead!"
The Little Shop of Horrors (1960)
Elaine: "Directed by Roger Corman and made on a budget
of about $1.98... although Wikipedia claims it was $30,000. I'd say it
qualifies as science fiction: Seymour got Audrey Jr. through
crossbreeding, which is enough science to make it science fiction.
Anyway, it's a classic just for Jack Nicholson's early role as the
masochistic dental patient. I just want to know what they did with the
$30,000...it sure doesn't show on the screen, which is one of the
things that makes the movie so much fun."
Island of Terror (1966)
S'inneth:
"Sand gone bad! The one actor that I am familiar with is Peter Cushing
who battles bone sucking silicates on an island that no one can leave.
I remember watching this as a kid and being totally grossed out about
the 'bag of skin' that was left after the silicates got done feeding. I
also could never shake the feeling that there was some odd relationship
between the silicates and my mom's old Electrolux vacuum."
Colossus: The Forbin Project (1970)
Cag: "Decent production values combined with what were
probably inexpensive sets, since we're talking about offices and a top
secret underground computer facility. Also, the headliners and rest of
the cast are solid reliable actors, but hardly A-list stars: Eric
Braeden, Susan Clark, Gorden Pinsent, William Schallert, Dolph Sweet,
Georg Sanford Brown, Martin E. Brooks and Marion Ross. And the plot is
pure SF B-movie -- computers gain sentience and take over the world."
Dark Star (1974)
Joel Finkle: "Co-written and staring Dan O'Bannon, who used some of the same tropes with less humor in Alien,
co-written, directed and scored by John Carpenter... this piece of
schlock, with crappy effects (shoe-shaped spaceship coming to a dead
stop in space), talking bombs, a beach-ball alien. Sweet sweet schlock,
this is great."
Starcrash (1978)
Starflier:
"Is there any other movie that stars both Christopher Plummer AND David
Hasselhoff? The stars appear to be made out of Christmas tree lights;
the female protagonist's clothing has this tendency to mysteriously
disappear. And of course, nothing beats the climax of the movie, when
Christopher Plummer looks out majestically over the star field and
declares: 'Imperial Battleship, HALT THE FLOW OF TIME!'"
Battle Beyond the Stars (1980)
John Scalzi: "Future
Oscar nominees and winners put on a science fiction show paid for with
the lint in their pockets (OK, actually $2 million, but that's still
not much). John Boy Walton as the film's Luke Skywalker! A sarcastic
spaceship! George Peppard slumming -- and think what that requires! And
'80s B-movie fixture Sybil Danning in hot leather! Truly, the best of
all possible B-movie worlds."
Robot Jox (1990)
Melomel:
"'It is 50 years since the nuclear holocaust almost destroyed mankind.
War is now outlawed and all territory disputes between the two great
alliances are settled by single combat. Giant robots confront each
other in gladiatorial combat, operated by their pilots known as "Robot
Jox."'"
1) It's from that wonderful time when post-apocalyptic movies envisioned before the collapse of the Soviet Union came out after its collapse.
2) It got orbital mechanics right -- thrust behind the robots moved them *up* in orbit, and they thrusted below to increase speed.
2) There was no sound in space.
3) The hero said to the villain, 'Wait! We don't have to do this! We don't have to kill each other!' and the villain (who has been pretty smart throughout the film) thought it over, said, 'Ok, yeah, you're right,' and they walked off for a beer or something."
Six String Samauri (1998)
Thisisendless:
"Post apocalypse, Elvis, spectacular marital arts sequences, great one
liners AND the Red Elvises provide the soundtrack. They filmed the
whole thing in Death Valley without a permit and kept getting kicked
out. I mean come ON."
Pitch Black (2000)
CarrieV:
"Vin Diesel before he was famous. Claudia Black from TV. But the real
draw is the genuinely excellent story, rooted in traditional science
fictional tropes. Slam-bang opening action sequence, moral dilemma for
the main characters, well paced, twists and turns. Fantastic movie by
most criteria."
Now: Vote! (P.S. If you're an American citizen, please also vote on Nov. 4. I was kidding about this being more important.)
Winner of the Hugo Award and the John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer, John Scalzi is the author of The Rough Guide to Sci-Fi Movies and the novels Old Man's War and Zoe's Tale. He's also the editor of METAtropolis, an audiobook anthology on Audible.com. His column appears every Thursday.
Island of Terror: it has to be 30+ years since I saw it, and I have still never gotten over the shock of seeing my mother's vacuum cleaner the next morning.
Mike (and everyone else):
Remember to click on the "Vote in Poll" button to cast your vote. You can certainly talk about which you voted for here in the comments, but your vote won't count unless you actually use the poll mechanism.
Ah I didn't even see that little link icon - was scanning for an embedded poll.
Yup. That's why I'm giving it a shoutout here in the comments.
I'm running out to rent Six String Samurai for it's "spectacular marital arts sequences"! Yowza! (I could not resist. No, I couldn't.)
I'm pretty sure the hero of Six String Samurai was supposed to be Buddy Holly, not Elvis. I could be wrong, though. The events on the screen were causing considerable pain to my optic nerves.
The hero is Buddy Holly, but Elvis does play a role: he's the dead guy Buddy's trying to replace.
Six String Samurai is pretty great, except for the continually grunting kid. Geez, that got annoying fast. Still good fun, though, and a great soundtrack. Also, I didn't realize Space Hunter was such a big movie, or that it even got a theatrical release.
I'll be voting for Pitch Black in the poll, though.
i feel woefully uneducated and at the same time inspired to watch some movies i've never heard of!
Thank you for including Colossus: The Forbin Project. I fondly remember laughing at the computer that was so advanced it could carry a conversation, but could only do so by displaying one line of text at a time. Plus, the text would scroll horizontally into view, accompanied by beautifully meaningless teletype sound effects. Brilliant!
Already voted in the Presidential election =)
But thanks for the reminder anyways!
I'd like to nominate John "Joe Bob Briggs" Bloom for a special Lifetime Achievement Award, even if he's Not Dead Yet. The various incarnations of his Drive-In Theater show are primarily how my circle of friends and I were introduced to the best of the worst in "B" movies, pre-MST3K. I personally can't watch one these days without evaluating it in light of his "Three B's" rating system afterward, or appending "-fu" to any act of filmic violence. Ok, he tended to lean more toward horror and *sploitation flicks, but there was plenty of SF in there, and you simply can't talk about "B" movies without a tip 'o the hat to Joe Bob.
Sheesh...Tough choices. But I have to go with "Dark Star." First time I saw that I was falling out of my chair laughing so hard. Grand fun, that one. Besides, I also have a soft spot for "Colossus: the Forbin Project" and "This Island Sucks Sand" ... er, I mean, "Island of Terror." Thanks for the chance to vote for something truly meaningful and personal. And yes, I plan on voting Tuesday. Just try and stop me!
"Spacehunter" was one my of the first disappoints in my young life. I remember being pumped up to see my first 3-D movie and about half-way through I thought, "this sucks" (the 3-D effects, not the movie).
Don't forget Robot Jox with screenplay courtesy of Joe Haldeman! I'm pretty sure this soured Joe on movie making altogether...
BTW, I think "Pitch Black" is "winning" by a substantial margin at the moment because it doesn't belong on the list - it was a *good*, if low budget, movie. All of the others, intentionally or otherwise, are good because they're *bad*.
Hendel, I maintain that the inaugural Lifetime Achievement Award for B-movies has got to go to Roger Corman. Then we can give 'em out to Joe-Bob, Bert I. Goron, Joel Hodgson, Ed Wood and other such luminaries.