The 5 Weirdest Sex Scenes in Movies

If you’ve ever questioned the power of movies, try your best to forget Naomi Watts and Laura Harring in bed in Mulholland Drive, Diane Lane and Olivier Martinez in the bathroom in Unfaithful, or even Deborah Kerr and Burt Lancaster rolling around in the surf in From Here to Eternity.
Sex scenes come in different categories. Some are crazily sexy (Gael García Bernal, Diego Luna, and Ana López Mercado’s threeway in Y Tu Mamá También), some are hilarious (the puppetry sex in Team America: World Police), some are memorably romantic (Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams all wet and passionate in The Notebook), and some, like scenes in last year’s Blue Valentine and the just-released Shame, are gut-wrenching.
Then there are scenes so weird they just sit there, lodged in your memory like a bad entrée at an overpriced restaurant. Some of these moments are shrewdly crafted and well-acted, but others were just mistakes from the very start. Whether intentional or not, these are the scenes that stick in your mind for all the wrong reasons, and may cause minor psychological damage to your erotic health. Maybe by airing them out we can get past then and learn to never have sex like this, ever.

Here they are: the five weirdest sex scenes in movies.

5. Jerry Maguire

Everyone quotes “You complete me” and “You had me
at hello” and “Show me the money,” but the other memorable line of this
film is “Oh, oh, never stop ****ing me!” screamed by Kelly Preston
playing Tom Cruise’s scarily ambitious girlfriend in the opening scene
of Jerry Maguire.
Her orgasm is 100 times the intensity of a normal person’s, even in
porn. Of course, it’s intended to be over the top, but along with Meg
Ryan in When Harry Met Sally…
(not to mention those Herbal Essence shampoo commercials), the scene is
definitive of 1990s depiction of female sexuality, as if the female
orgasm had suddenly been invented. 

4. Sex and the City 2

What do you do
with a character that was already way over the top? Kim Cattrall’s
Samantha had always been a caricature, but her final scene in Sex and the City 2
has her doing it on top of a truck, in the middle of a desert
landscape, howling operatically in orgasm. The entire movie is a parody
of itself, but this scene acts as the cherry on top of an opulent
sundae, the aesthetic apotheosis of our recent Age of Excess.

3. Love Actually
John (Martin Freeman) and Judy (Joanna Page), meet as body doubles for the sex scenes in a film-inside-the-film in Love Actually. John asks Judy out on their first date as they shyly get to know each other
while miming a series of hilariously cliché sex positions. (They end up
happily married.) It’s hilarious, well-written, and a brilliant send-up
of all the awkward sex scenes in movies before it. Consider it a palate
cleanser.

2. Demon Seed

In the 1977 scifi film Demon Seed, Julie Christie is
impregnated by a computer. Her orgasm is depicted in a gorgeous display
of early video animation, further proving that depictions of sexuality
are impossible to disentangle from their cultural eras, no matter how
futuristic they try to be. The computer’s name is Proteus IV, and it’s
sort of a mix between Hal from 2001: A Space Odyssey and Kit from Knight Rider.
When it has trapped Susan (Julie Christie) on a gurney, it says, “I
can’t touch you, Susan. I can’t touch you as a man could touch you. But I
can show you things that human eyes have never seen.” Try that line in
bed tonight!

1. Splice

The takeaway from Splice
is: Don’t have sex with your experiment. In this “scientists go beyond
the laws of nature and create a monster” scifi flick from 2009,
scientists Elsa and Clive (Sarah Polley and Adrien Brody) splice
together DNA from different animals to create a new hybrid, ostensibly
for medical research. They produce Dren, who looks like Sinéad O’Connor
if you were to see her in a fun house mirror. Before spontaneously
changing sex, growing a penis and raping Sarah Polley, Dren has sex with
Adrien Brody, who suddenly gets all turned on by her bald head and
wide-apart eyes. They do it in a barn.

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