Blogger Stacie Ponder's horror columns appear every Wednesday.

As you're well aware by now, I live the entirely fabulous life of a horror movie blogger. I know what you think that entails: I jet off to the premiere of One Missed Call, uttering witty bon mots about Night of the Living Dead 3-D whilst swathed in diamonds and pearls. It's true, the life of a horror blogger is indeed wicked glamorous, but I'm about to reveal a fact about myself that may come as a bit of a shock to you, so hold on to your mama and prepare your fainting couch: I don't own any property. I'm not a home-owner, I'm a home-renter.

I appreciate your pity, but I assure you it's entirely unwarranted. I own a copy of Killer Workout on VHS, and that's all I really need. Besides, who wants to own a house? Houses get haunted, yo. I mean, have you seen House on Haunted Hill? Or The Legend of Hell House? Or The Haunting? Or The Haunting of Hell House? Even if a house isn't technically haunted, you can be sure it's nicely stocked with corpses, in numbers ranging anywhere from Seven to 1,000. Consider my case rested!

I'm not here strictly to warn you folks about the dangers of the houses themselves, though. Oh no, I care much more than that. I'm here to let you know that there could be evil lurking within your house right this very minute within the most innocuous of places: In your furniture and other assorted household items. If you've ever thought to yourself, "Hmm. Is my fork lookin' at me funny?" I'm here to tell you, yes. Yes, it is. Your fork hates you and it's just waiting for you to drop your guard before it thrusts itself into your knee.

Continue reading "Houses Can Be Haunted, but True Evil Lurks Inside Our Furniture" »