Novelist Scott Sigler's horror column appears every Thursday.

I'm a big fan of monster movies, and I'm a big fan of DVDs with tons of extra goodies you didn't get to see in the theaters. So, you would think that the DVD for the monster movie Cloverfield, which came out April 22, would be a must-buy for my collection... Not so fast.

At this point in his career, producer J.J. Abrams has the keys to the city (that city being Hollywood). You know the name: He's the producer of huge TV hits like Lost, Alias and Felicity, director of MI:3 and soon, Star Trek (2009) and The Invisible Woman (2010). The man can do just about anything he wants. So when the guy who blatantly ripped off the USA Network series La Femme Nikita with Alias, and who made the chick-flick schlock known as Felicity wanted to make a giant monster movie, Hollywood royalty may have scratched their heads in confusion, but they sure as hell gave it the green light.

That green light paid off, to the tune of $80 million at the box office and a sequel slated for a 2009 release. Now keep in mind, that $55 million in profit is before the DVD moolah, which should be significant. Yep, we're back on the subject of the DVD, so let's break that baby down.

Is Cloverfield Worth the Rental?
• If you've haven't seen this movie, absolutely rent it. King Kong (2005) and the excellent Korean flick The Host (2006) have brought the creature feature back to the big screen, and Cloverfield keeps the ball rolling.
• If you've already seen Cloverfield in the theaters, and are a huge fan of "how they did that" special effects segments, the DVD is pure gold.
• If you've already seen Cloverfield, and you don't really care about FX geekery, skip it. On the small screen it's really not worth a second take, and the non-FX special features of this DVD are pure crap. Did I say "pure crap?" Well, that might not be completely true, they are 90 percent crap cut with 10 percent secretions from marketing scumbags. While I call 'em like I see 'em, I'll also back this statement up with a list of the special features in the Cloverfield DVD.

"Alternate" Endings
Yeah, I put this in quotes, but only because you can't see me make air quotes when I say it. You know, air quotes, that thing you do with your fingers to convey sarcasm? There are no alternate endings. The DVD makers have the gall to market two "alternate" endings, when both endings just take the theatrical version and end it before the final monster scene. That's right, it's the same thing you saw in theaters. This is like taking a 350-page novel, ripping out the last 10 pages, then putting a new cover on it and selling it as an "alternate" ending.

Deleted Scenes
Cloverfield is a monster movie... I don't know about you, but I assumed the deleted scenes would have something to do with the monster. Wrong-Oh, Fish Breath. It's four worthless vignettes from the party that opens the movie, people telling Rob to have a grand-ol' time in Japan. There isn't a single shred of entertainment to be had in these scenes. A total waste, and more B.S. marketing.

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