I find it hard to judge Betty, because to me, she feels like less of a person, more of a representative of the unfulfilled housewives of the time. Like Weiner is using her to make a point about this group of women. And that is why she is so grumpy all the time. Her life is unfulfilled.

Since this is a show about how the dramatic changes in the culture had an effect on people's lives, the writers need to make a strong case for her unhappiness to show how it will positively effect her in the final result.

And in turn, her greater happiness and fulfillment will positively affect her attitude to Don and the children. In other words, finding a fulfilling role for herself will make her a better spouse and mother. Even if it leads to divorce - which it may...After all, she and Don married each other for what they represent. They don't really know one another too well, as people. Heck, they don't even really know themselves.

She certainly won't win any awards but she's doing the best she can with what she has. My heart goes out to her for the pain she's in.

Thing is, my heart no longer goes out to her; she's far too
unlikeable and unsympathetic in this season's incarnation.
(Matt Weiner: pay attention!) And, the advice she gave her
bored child to bang his head against the wall three times?
I remember hearing that from a Jewish mother (not mine)
decades ago to her similarly bored daughter: "Go bang your head against the wall three times, and yell hurrah."

zk

I have a deep sense of foreboding for Betty, that her fate may end in a similar Anne Sexton and/or Sylvia Plath scenario. I just hope she doesn't pick up a copy of 'The Bell Jar'.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bell_Jar

She may slip into a further malaise, as the season progresses. If Don does fall into bed with Sally's teacher, which I have a feeling he's going to, and returns to his cheating ways, it may be the last nail in Betty's coffin.

NeverNotTasty: How surprising to find you here...ha ha! I think yours and Stagekiss's comments on Betty are very astute.

I do think she is a representative of the unfulfilled housewife--we know she is educated and cultured, yet she is trapped in a role that requires some, but not all, of her education.

I am curious to see what happens with her marriage and her children as she evolves, and she is evolving. Don married her for her looks (he tells Ana Draper that she is "so beautiful and so happy"). Yeats, in a poem, says of a beautiful young woman "only God, my dear / Could love you for yourself alone / And not your yellow hair." It is her beauty that has attracted him and keeps him with her--but as she begins to come into her own, will Don appreciate her more or like her less?

@ Ta-town girl, great response and great question! I remember how devastated Betty was, when they told her they were not going to be using her as a model, for the Coke spread. I wondered why Betty didn't use that momentum, from her modeling, to try and get more gigs for herself. I sensed she allowed that setback to defeat her, sending her down a deeper path of malaise, and so much so, she snapped, and started shooting her neighbor's pigeons. It's nearly the happiest we've seen her, when she was modeling.
With the 3rd child, I fear for Betty. Plainly, she isn't happy, though I feel that that promise to herself, that she made to her shrink way back in Season 1, that she would be happiest if Don weren't cheating on her, hasn't happened. She isn't happy, though I can sense she knows Don isn't cheating on her now. Betty, it seems to me, must have a 'problem du jour', that she will always be unhappy about something, because she doesn't like herself. Betty suffers from wanting everything to be perfect; she is terrified of growing older, and being heavy. This drive to be perfect came down from her mother, whom, I feel, was a terrible influence on Betty, and Betty hasn't broken the string of that abuse-she inflicts it on Sally in SO many little ways.

Betty is becoming bitter, and fed up with what she is being relegated to, and as time is going by, Betty is getting older. I can only imagine how well that is going to go, when she starts seeing wrinkles and grey hair. Remember, there was no plastic surgery back then. It was all about aging gracefully.

Don married Betty, for very specific reasons. But, I do think on the women he has matched wits with, and taken to bed. I'm of 2 minds on this: either, Don will love the stronger Betty, or (and depending on if Betty becomes more embittered, more angry, and more dissatisfied) Don will return to his cheating ways, to escape Betty's bitterness, resentment and anger, until Betty discovers Don's cheating, and divorces him. I don't think Don will be the one to leave Betty, but vice-versa.

@Ta-town girl: The Yeats poem: ONLY ONE OF MY FAVOURITES! So telling of our superficial human nature.

Speaking as a woman in 2009, I think Betty would be so much happier in a job. And what a waste of a Bryn Mawr education.

I've been thinking about Betty's character a lot. So many people seem to find her unsympathetic at best. I can see why. She's not the easiest to understand character and not the nicest person in the world. Yet I have a *lot* of empathy for her-- if I'd been born in her era I'm afraid that I could have ended up a lot like her. I'm really glad I wasn't.

First of all, she suffers from depression and anxiety and tries to hide it under a perfect veneer (@Stagekiss I agree with you re: Plath and everything else in your excellent post too. I've suspected Betty might attempt suicide since the very beginning). Her mother died near the beginning of the show and now her father has died too. Nobody has given Betty any real support or empathy during either grieving process so far. I don't count Dr. Wayne because he sucks. Don has a good heart but doesn't know how to support her. He has so many issues of his own as we all know. She's lonely and isolated. She seems to have no close friends. Everyone expects her to act like she's fine or happy all the time. Recently Gene said Betty was a "fat" child and indicated that neither nor he or Mrs. Hoffstadt were particularly kind to her about it. One could safely presume she was teased by her peers growing up until she lost the weight. That kind of thing often leaves deep, lifelong emotional scars on a person.

I agree with NeverNotTasty as well. Speaking as a young woman today I can't even fathom having to get married and have kids whether you wanted to or not. We aren't all suited for it. I don't want kids myself. Never have. It's not for everyone. I've never been the slightest bit interested. I get that same impression from Betty; that she never really wanted to have kids, it just happened because that was how things were then. It seems like being a parent is foreign and unnatural for her. She seems very awkward, unsure of herself, impatient and a bit confused to be in that role. I'd probably be the same way if forced into it. I'm grateful to have the choice. It's just luck that I was born in the 80s instead of the 30s or 40s. Honestly, I too would most likely become severely depressed if pushed into the roles of mother and/or housewife.

I've wondered if a lot of the animosity some viewers have towards Betty has something to do with her looks and also her "ice princess" persona? I think this type of appearance and/or attitude can sometimes give others a wrong first impression. Some people seem to think that beautiful people don't have problems like more 'average' people do. Not true. No one gets to choose what they look like. We are all human beings. In addition, an "icy" or standoffish attitude often comes from a place of fear and anxiety. It is also a form of self-protection, such as against constant unwanted harassment. Betty is frequently sexually harrassed by random men. I've had it happen too, and it can definitely make you want to close yourself down and act distant.

So no, I don't hate Betty or think of her as a "b***h", but as a person who's suffered a lot just like most of the other lead characters on MM. Often people who are in a lot of pain lash out and inflict it on others, especially if they don't have a healthy appropriate outlet for their emotions. Betty definitely does this from time to time, especially in how she treats the kids.

One more thing-- Betty's about 29 at this point, right? She is probably terrified beyond belief of turning 30...

@Stagekiss and bluegirl: You both have great reads on Betty's character. I am enlightened!

@NeverNotTasty: I knew you would know that poem. Ah, Yeats. Wonderful. Sigh.

Great observations! Fo all her beauty, Betty has been dealt a lousy deck of cards. She had a great dad but a lousy mom. She has a handsome husband who's a great provider but he cheated on her. Betty could have had a successful modeling career but got married, had children so that's out the window. Then she got pregnant for the third time and now probably figures this is it....end of the line. She can't undo what her mother or Don did to her and that's pretty depressing. I'm not sure she has the tools to dig herself out of this unhappiness. No one else can do it for her. Living with someone who's that "unfulfilled", as NNT mentioned, is like walking on eggshells all the time.

The death of Betty's mother seemed to hit her very hard. Don seemed pretty indifferent about it. What did he call grieving? Extended self-pity, or something to that effect. I've been pretty hard on Betty, not because beautiful people have 'average' problems, but because she does have SO much and doesn't seem to appreciate the good stuff. Whoa! I'm not excusing Don's infidelity at all, but God, she does have so much. I think so many women would swap. Honestly. There are days when a little envy tugs at me; I see her beauty, her home, healthy kids, and the horses, looking so beautiful (yeah, I know, so profoundly sad) on the horses, and never having to worry about money (as Francine said, "Can you imagine worrying about money at our age?" Oh, and a maid.

It seems nobody is ambivolent about Betty, love her, hate her, pity her, envy her, identify with her, etc. etc. Here's an experiment: Close your eyes. Yes, close your eyes. Now, imagine she is not beautiful, but plain, even homely. Do it. Now, have your feelings changed, even just an iota?

(a la John Grisham's tactic in "A Time to Kill" about little Tanya)

It's too bad antidepressants were in their infancy then. Betty could have benefitted. If she ends up having a "nervous breakdown", she might be given ECT, which is very effective.

Yes, turning 30 will be hard for her. I remember in the soft drink modeling episodes, someone asked her if people often told her she looked like Grace Kelly and she said, "They used to."

Fascinating subject matter and responses here. Thanks everyone for your great, very thought-provoking posts.

I find the subject of "lookism" intriguing. Especially when you consider that it goes both ways in our society. Unattractiveness is considered a horrible flaw to be fixed at nearly any cost, but if one does meet society's standards of attractiveness, then you're a threat to some and an object to others. Basically, you can't win.

I remember seeing that Grisham movie as a kid and that specific moment, Deep Dish-- wow. Very powerful and very deep stuff there indeed. That's kind of what I was trying to say, that Betty's a human being and feels pain just like everyone else no matter what she looks like.

It's really interesting how this character provokes such strong reactions from viewers, mostly negative from what I observe, yet her behavior and sense of morality is comparatively no worse than that of many other characters on the show.

She does seem unappreciative of her good fortune financially, etc., but remember she grew up rather well-off, even more so than their current circumstances indicate. Such as when she suggested buying a beach house, Don said not yet, and she conceded that her family's place in Cape May would do for the meantime. She grew up spending time in a country club like Roger's, but the Drapers don't have any club memberships of their own yet. So to her, being a very sheltered person, an upper-middle-class lifestyle is "the norm" and very likely is the only lifestyle she's ever been exposed to. Betty is awfully naive in many ways. Also, people suffering from severe depression tend not to be truly capable of focusing on any good things in their lives (which is the reason I cut her a break in the area of gratitude). If she's ever able to heal from her emotional problems then maybe someday she'll "wake up" and be able to be grateful for the ways in which she's fortunate. I hope so!