I guess that really is the $64,000 question, isn't it? Being a woman, I have no idea, but I've heard men say that men cheat not because the other woman is prettier or has a better figure or is nicer, etc, it's only because she's "something different"; that for men, it's all about the chase, the conquest, the thrill of the new. I personally think men have to believe they are the center of their woman's world, and if they feel ignored or taken for granted, they will wander! So, ladies, pay attention to yo man!

Okay, you men on this forum, what's the answer to Chelsea's question?

I agree with you Mambo...I have heard the same thing..."the male ego"... whatever that is.... I have been married to the same man, and the only man I have ever been married to, for almost 33 years (this coming Aug)., and I can honestly say I am still learning about men...and they say women are hard to understand!

Olympia Dukakis' character asked this question ~ "Why do men cheat?" ~ to quite a few men in "Moonstruck" and got different answers.
I kind of agree with her own opinion that "ey fear death". I don't really get the connection, but it makes a crazy kind of sense I suppose that they think they can cheat death if they return to their youth via a younger/prettier/more attentive woman's affection/love...somehow it will hold their own aging at bay. Makes as much sense as anything, I guess....??

My personal thoughts on it are that they cheat because the object of the affair makes them feel good about themselves and loved and special, if their wife/significant other does not. I'ts just that simple, IMO.

Guys?
I

"they" not "ey"...... sigh......

I think the fear of death may be the reason some mean cheat, but a lot of men have affairs with women that are the same age as their wives, so that wouldn't be the explanation in those cases. I just think it comes down to the fact that men need to keep feeling that "spark" or excitement that comes with new relationships, and in long-term relationships it can disappear; you reallly have to keep it going. Women don't need the thrill as much, especially when they start having children (I've seen too many woment become "super moms" and totally ignore their husbands). Like I said, and what you just said SC, pay attention to yo man!

PS, I've been married (only once) for 27 years.

Because they can.

Same reason they drink milk out of the carton instead of using a glass.

See this from Oprah.com:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/10/03/o.why.men.cheat/

.....One reason might be because, in that initial "honeymoon" romantic period of time, both people can be the people they want everyone to see.

They can be new, there's no baggage - just what they want the other person to see.

Men can pretend they are young again, and haven't been married for 20 years with a mortgage, kids and responsibilities, and that their biggest problems are their waistline and their car.

Maybe it's a way to put off the inevitable - a form of denial.

In a case like Roger and Jane, Roger may want to hit "rewind" and do the whole kids and family thing all over again - through the eyes of a 20-year-old.

It's like a mental vacation - an escape from reality. Each is providing the other with his fantasy partner.

The people try much harder to please than in a stale marriage, where they wake up and don't even look at each other before starting another (dreary) day.

(The hypotheses expressed on this blog are not necessarily the opinions of the author.)

AA.....Great link. You can't argue with Ms. O!

It's interesting in reading that article, and then thinking about the long-marrieds among us here.

As a small slice of public sampling, to my eyes, it seems largely that the marrieds among us DO appreciate their spouses, and DO let them know on a daily basis.....if I'm not wrong.....

And, to my eyes, the long-marrieds seem relatively happy in that monogamy.

No "Don Drapers" in this crowd!

You're right, Auburn Annie and Dry. It's heartbreaking to me for the first wife and kids when I see men who were absent fathers and bad husbands marry the much younger second wife and have kids with her. Then suddenly he's Super Dad and Mr. Thoughtful Husband. I could throw up on them. It really still is a man's world.

I know I said up there that wives need to pay attention to their husbands, and it's true, but sometimes the husband is just a rat from the get-go. I'm afraid Don Draper falls into that category.

And I've seen that guy on Oprah's show, he's very good. His book is probably very enlightening.

So . . . the men certainly conspicuous by their absence, aren't they?

They sure are, Mambo...ha?

I like the remark Estelle Reiner (mom of Rob, wife of Carl) made years ago (and not the classic line she had in "When Harry Met Sally"! ~~ "I'll have what she's having" Heeeee!!) when asked how her marriage had lasted so long, she answered "Marry someone who can stand you." or words similar....

Sounds good to me!

I agree with those saying you need to pay attention to your man (I try to, I really do) but I will say that my "job" is made easier by his paying attention to me...he kids me about my "boyfriend" (Don Draper) and does a 'countdown' on Sundays when MM is running ("...only _____ many more hours til HEEEE comes on!!") and the other day after I had watched 2 epis On Demand of MM S1 shows, he started singing "Band of Gold" to me and, off-key as it was (the man 'sings' (?) worse than I do -- which is hideous) it was heart-melting, let me tell you. Women love spontaneity as much as men do. It's just easier to pay attention to a man who seems to be paying attention to you is all I'm saying.

When we had to go to a "pre-wedding talk" with the minister who married us (who has himself been divorced twice since marrying us! weird) he made the remark that a husband and wife have both got to give 110% in a marriage and we have tried to live by that....there have been disagreements (loud sometimes!!) but we have so far been able to stow our pride long enough to work things out...that and I told him it would be pretty hard to drive himself to the ER with a cast iron skillet where the sun don't shine and another embedded in the side of his head.

Works for us!

Great comments, SC, sounds like you got a keeper! I think one of the most important factors (if not THE most) in a marriage is a shared sense of humor. Humor will get you over a lot of rough spots, for sure. My husband thinks I'm hilarious, and vice versa.

Why Do Mean Cheat?
1. Because they can!
2.Because there is always someone willing to cheat with them!
3. Because they always can go home to the little woman, and she'll take him with open arms!
4.Because he has a need to do whatever he wants too!
5."Because, Because, Because, Because, Because! Because of all of the wonderful things he does!"

Good advice Mambo Deb and probably good advice for both sexes. Hey happy early anniversary ScFan. BTW I loved that song Band of Gold too. ..... all that is left is a band of gold and the dreams I hold......... Where are the guys opinions? We don't know where you live so we cant' blackmail ya. You could tell us about your friends that may have cheated. Is it still a double standard? For example one of my best girlfriends from High School cheated on several occasions. When my Dad heard about it, he wouldn't even look her in the eye and from then on thought of her as a tramp. But her husband turned out to be gay and they both decided to stay together because of their children.

The human animal is not biologically programmed to be monogamous. That said, if you find a mate whose hormones are about the same level, you've got a match. I think people should get hormone tested before they marry. A good sex life smooths the way for a lot of other stuff.

Wow, flower, we is gettin' risque...well, not really.

I agree.

Yes, Mambo, I very much have a keeper...I'm fortunate for sure. I guess he meant what he said all those years ago. ha

If you've been married to the same man for 27 years, you must have been "payin' attention to yo man" pretty darn well seems to me!

And what you said about humor is so true. If you can make each other laugh (we have been lucky there as you and your husband have) you've got a major plus in marriage, I've found over the years.

This all sounds like I have a perfect marriage...not at all...we've had our ups and downs like any other couple. It's all a mix (marriage) just like life. I guess the key is to appreciate each other and try to see the glass half full. No expert...just an old married lady who's still in love, corny as that sounds.

Hey, guys....where you be?????

You know what, Mambo...I just thought of something...I can't remember any episodes where Don and Betty are laughing and kidding each other...hhmmmmmmmmmm

If you don't laugh together you don't stay together, I guess.....

Yes, SC, after I said that about a sense of humor, it occured to me that Don and most of the other MM characters are completely humorless. Roger probably has the best sense of humor, but he frequently uses it cruelly and as a way to put other people in their places.

And I need to add that HUSBANDS must pay attention to their wives, too. Marriage is a two-way street.

.....Mambo.....More and more your comments make me laugh out loud.

SCfan.....The depiction of your married life was adorable. I got tears in my eyes and then laughed about the frying pans.

flower.....That is such a "flower" thing to say!

You're all so funny.

Thanks for hanging out all these months!

Yes, Dry...Mambo, your stuff makes my sides ache, yours, too, Dry...I still laugh about the wonderful way you chimed in with the second line of my "Alfie" guess-each-line-from-the-song post waaaaay back there.....("Bleh, Bleh, Bleh, Bleh, Bleh......ALFIE....am I close.....Heh???!!!" --- or some such silliness) for some reason that one gives me a chuckle even now...among many over the years.

And, Dry, Yes, I do think just the image he (my hubby) got in his mind (the first time I threatened him with the skillets routine) standing by the side of the road trying to hitch a ride (because he couldn't sit in the car!) all bent over with a skillet handle sticking out of a very embarrassing area, plus the smaller one jutting out above his right temple) does tend to make the man think twice about trying to rile me when I'm in the general area of the kitchen....poor darlin'.....

...And yes, he does read this forum stuff sometimes...there's generally a half-hearted chuckle, then a hmmmm, then he walks off, eyes heavenward, shaking his head....he knows me so well!

ok, ladies. i'm male. 30s. my marriage was destroyed by this (a bit later on this).

why do men cheat? 1 reason and one reason alone: we are risk prone. ladies on the other hand are risk adverse.

men take risks, even when we know when they shouldn't. we are wired that way. take a look at mark sanford. even i have to admit his wife is cutie. so why leave her and jeopardize the marriage? risk prone.

and jon & kate. by any definition, kate's a bombshell. why risk it? risk prone.

ladies, some of you will never understand. it's in our make up. find a man who tells you otherwise and you have a liar. granted some men can control it better than others and not act on it, but don't kid urself for one minute. we all think it.

ok, a bit of bio. no kids but had a bombshell espana wife. married almost 10 years (no kids though). and i had something going on with her her co-worker, if u can believe that.

dumb, dumb, dumb.

and i was otherwise a wonderful husband (gave her more than she could spend). but, now, i'm single and alone and she's carrying on with her life.

like i said. dumb, dumb, dumb.

stdenverst@yahoo.com

Hmmmmm, simon, did you include your e-mail so you could maybe find another lady, since it sounds like you learned your lesson...

Well, I guess I wish you luck (if you HAVE learned your lesson)...only God can point the finger...

Oh, Chelsea, no biggie, but, I think your "Band of Gold" you mentioned up there was the one by Freda Payne.

I got serenaded (if you want to call it that -- ha) with the "Band of Gold" by Don Cherry (the opening song in S1 Epi1 of MM -- "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes") I love love love that song...as I've posted before, Don Cherry had a great voice for a golfer!

As I said, no biggie at all...I like the one by Freda, too!

no, didn't leave it for that reason.

i am playing it solo, getting my act together, and trying (more like begging) to reconcile with Mrs.

i threw my alternate email out as an open invitation to help other males who may be struggling with this issue; some (most) guys would probably not be comfortable with sharing their experiences and asking for advice on a public forum.

I admire your courage in opening yourself up in a sea of estrogen, simon...good luck in whatever happens

BTW, Maddicts New and Old: Here is a cool link for anyone wanting to catch up to everything so far:

I put it on here because this seems to be a live thread still...hope this link works...

http://www.buddytv.com/slideshows/everything-you-need-to-know-about-mad-men-71593.aspx

Yeah to Simon for being brave to share. We all make mistakes so don't beat yourself up. Life is about learning and building your character. If your wife has moved on maybe you should start fresh.

Thanks SCfan for the correction I always like learning new things on this forum and your husband sounds cool that he shares your interest in this forum even though he doesn't post.

Flower your homone testing got me to chuckle. I think they should add a compatability test to getting a license. I mean you have to be licensed to drive a car, etc..

To Mambo it is a little disgusting about the men being such great family men the second marriages.... Michael Douglas comes to mind.

Do you guys want to hear about the time I almosted cheated on a boyfriend?

see of estrogen? crap....what blog did i just subscribe, too? i thought it was a forum just for why men cheat.

ok, "madmen". i take it that's a tv show. let me research it a bit. i'm afraid i just walked into lady's purse (the horror! the horror!).

madmen.

ok, never heard of it, but appears not too male-bashing of a show. i may check it out one day.

good bye all.

and men...hang in there (no pun intended).

Where's your frying Pan SCfan? I need to borrow it!

oh chelsea.....u r making this difficult for me.

as much as i would love to hear the torrid details i have to say....no...maybe....well, if you go ahead and write i will try not to read it but no promises.

Yeah, Chelsea, let's hear it!

...simon, close your eyes and put your fingers in your ears....just hum awhile....and beware, we've all recently had Troll-Rid classes....

torll-rid..k, had to look that one up to.

ouch.

ok, ok. i get it. geez, just throwing a little male humor to spice the convo up a bit. sorry for the offense.

men/women....so different.

can tell am def not wanted here. my last post.

good bye and good luck all.

Like I said I didn't cheat. I was at a party without my boyfriend and his boss (mine too) had to much to drink and ended up skinny dipping but nothing happend. It was night time and I didn't even look! Really. At the time my boyfriend had just cheated on me. The reason I think I didn't is that I didn't want to hurt the guys girlfriend whom I knew. Now that was about 20 years ago. My point being is some people cheat because of alcohol.

Come on Siman lighten up we all have a good sense of humor here... don't be so touchy geez

.....Huh. That was interesting.

Where's my fly swatter?

.....SCfan.....Now that you remind me, I do vaguely remember that thread. There have been so many!

My problem is I forget everything ten minutes after I write it. It's a congenital case of CRS, I guess.

You on the other hand, seem to have a pretty good memory....

Anyway, it's nice to know at least someone gets my twisted sense of humor.

Conspicuously absent haha I love it. I can't speak for the married folks, 37, never married, and not interested. I just know myself and I know I wouldn't be happy in marriage. Some of us are just wired different and find happiness more in independance than anything else. The amateur and hackneyed response usually is fear of this or that. But the truth really lies along a basic simple disinterest. I couldn't be happy not being free. Maybe others are like that but don't see it until after they're married.

As for politicains and their filanderings, it comes down to this: power for some men is a narcotic, and power for some women is an aphrodisiac. And it's a cocktail that sadly mixes very well. Remember those old Reese's commericals, when peanut butter and chocolate collide...

So one thing I'll put forward is this: Remember when SaraBeth came over to Betty's, started talking about Arthur, and Betty says, "It's a switch you can flip on and off"...?

Well a lot of times the difference between us is it's a switch that doesn't flip off, no matter what; even love.

They know they can get away with it. Most of the time they do, the wife never finds out.

I don't believe all men cheat and not just because they don't have opportunities, I think some men just have good character.

Flowerpower offered her usual solution to everything - more sex. But, that is not a deterrent to a cheater. His cheating speaks to his character and his behavior, it is not his wife's problem. Good sex comes from good communication and a respectful relationship, not the other way around.

When you see the most beautiful women in the world being cheated on by husbands - Christie Brinkley who was cheated on by that homely little Billy Joel and then again by the last husband - Liz Taylor, Jennifer Aniston, - and the list could go on - you know it is something endemic. It's just too easy for men to do and there is a subculture in the male segment of society that encourages it.

Did you get that horsefly that was buzzin' round here, Dry? I've got a great big can of Fly Zapper if we need it.

When it comes to cheating spouses, it does take two to tango. I have often wondered what makes a woman go after a married man. There is an awful lot of baggage you would have to make room for. Either he will be eaten up with guilt over what he is doing to his wife and family, or he won't be eaten up with guilt. If it's the latter, what is to stop him from turning around and cheating on his new partner? Even if he doesn't, I would think the new partner would always have to be on her toes, looking for signs that he is unfaithful, and who wants to live like that?

I agree, z.

I couldn't live with a man I didn't trust...what's the point? Both my husband and I were naive by today's standards when we were dating and after we married...which, looking back, I'm glad we were...not going into a lot of intimate detail, we learned as we went along...everything.

Damn, there's that fly again....

BBBBzzzzzzzz.......Bbbzzzzz......bbbbzzzzz....

....BAM........got 'im!

(those big ol' cast iron skillets are really handy!)

And Greg....I admire the fact that you recognized you were not supposed to be married, and didn't find out after you married some woman for a shallow reason, and then ended up screwing up both your lives....who says everyone needs to be married? Not so. I think it's admirable that you know your own mind so well.

Although, I have heard of men who were confirmed bachelors and well along in their 30's (40's even!) who suddenly met someone, got hit with a bucket of love and decided they couldn't NOT be married...it happens sometimes...and usually when you're not even looking for it. Just the unpredictability of life....

Chelsea, some folks use alcohol as an excuse (think Harry/Hildy) to cheat. Sounds like you were responsible (relatively) in spite of the influence of alcohol. Did anything ever happen with that co-worker you posted about way back there? (no need to answer, it's actually NOMB...)

I have been reading these posts for a few months, but have never posted. This will be only the time I do.

There is a little coterie of posters here who apparently run the talk forum. I thought AMC had a moderator for that. The zerelda person is particularly nasty and has a very inflated opinion of her cleverness and self-importance, taking it on herself to "instruct" any new poster who dares express an opinion.

You folks are like a nasty high school clique. You give this great show a bad flavor. Adios.

Wow. Do I deserve that spanking I just received? I am going to have to go back and re-read my postings of late.

Ruthsgirl, I hope you stick around long enough to read this. To be nasty to the other members of this Forum, old or new, is never my intent. If that is the way I am coming across, I owe everyone a most sincere apology. I am truly sorry.

I love this show, and the last thing in the world I would want to do would be to spoil anyone else's enjoyment of it.

Nope, z...you do NOT deserve it.

To slither in here spouting lies and insults, and then expect a welcome....go figure.....

If she'd really been "reading this forum for a few months" she'd know that AMC does NOT "have a moderator" (unless you count dropping in every 6 months to pretend to give a damn) and that any poster who posts intelligent, interesting (as opposed to threatening and insulting) posts is welcomed with open arms.

Dear God......

WOW ruthiegirl is ruthless and WAY off topic! Don't go away mad just.... I think everyone is welcome to chime in .... Miss Z I always enjoy your posts. No SCfan in answer to your pregunta

Ok, I have to comment on "ruthsgirl's" statement. Why did she continue to return to this blog and read the posts for MONTHS if she didn't like any of the comments that were made?
I have been coming to this blog myself for over a year and have only started to post, but I enjoy the comments that I've read.
You normally don't continue to watch a tv show if you don't enjoy it, why would you keep coming to a blog that you don't like reading?
In the words of the late Ray Charles:

"Hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more"

Peace & Love
Chatty

Good one chatty.... I like that Ray Charles song and very fitting.

Hey Greg if 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30 then you are only 27 and way to young to be married yet.

Flowerpewer mentioned more s.e.x. and some may have thought that a tad risque however, my Father told me in his later years that was exactly the reason why a few of his male friends cheated on their wives. He didn't condone theme but he didn't blame them either

.....What a pile of horse hockey.

.....Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!!

.....Actually, I think I know who that is......

.....chatty.....Love that song!

I'd say this is a good, simple example of troll behavior.

Someone with deep, smoldering resentments and insecurities, attempting to shake up and dismember a whole group of perfectly happy, somewhat-well-behaved-and-intentioned, harmonious people.

To that, I guess I'd say, "Take it somewhere else, sister!!"

Whew! for a minute I thought you meant me Dry.

.....Silly girl.....

We had two right in a row there (ruthsgirl AND simon)....is that a new record?

Holy,moly!!!...where do these guys come from....they probably walk around with flame throwers under their trench coats..... So not true, this is by far the best thread.

I'm so glad I found you guys. All the life experiences we've had brings new facets to the interpretations of these characters because sometimes we know what they feel. I find it so amazing that these writers can grasp that.

Anybody who visits this thread will at some point come back because it is like no other.

.....I just don't get the ones who see a forum as an either/or situation. Like there isn't enough room for everyone, and someone has to go away for one reason or another, invented in their own minds. Ridiculous!

And the ones who lurk for months, harboring all these festering resentments (what EVER) without chiming in.....

Well I have no sympathy for them, if they never even bothered to step up and join the conversation like a human being.

You know, Maddicts are a pretty friendly bunch, and chiming in just might find someone "new" actually having some fun and sticking around.

Putting the responsibility where it belongs, if those people feel repressed or falsely-imprisoned in some way, it's of their own making.

Someone lurking for months, whose sole contribution is to pop in under an assumed name and unleash a bunch of arrows, doesn't carry much credibility in my book.

Just sayin'.

I'm so glad you put into words what I have been trying to find the way to express ever since our first major troll encounter (shudder) --- "they" accuse us of holding them back...it IS a PUBLIC forum, for God's sake! Jump in and make your thoughts known...if they're even remotely interesting (we're easy to please, at least I think so!) we will jump on them like a duck on a june bug and the yakking will go on for hours....

And...how can we be accused of running the forum, or be a "coterie of posters who 'run' the talk forum" and a "nasty high school clique" when we happen to be just the die hards merely holding down the fort til showtime??---- or trying to.

I will never "get" that mindset that attacks....what does it really get them?..other than the momentary thrill of rocking the boat....PATHETIC.....

I have a feeling we thought we had two right there together...but, I bet it was the same one.....

And isn't it ironic that the complainer called Zerelda controlling and critical (which she's not, of course) when that was exactly what she (or he, who knows?) was trying to do? I had an early run in with the nameless troll, but his bulls**t was way over the line. As far as I'm concerned, if a poster's comments are not hurtful or vulgar, they can say whatever they want, even if I personally think it's silly, dumb or off topic. I would never presume to judge someone elses's statements.

I also think those kind of people either have no happy memories/thoughts to share or are just unable to join in the free-ranging type of conversation that happens here so they get angry and resent everyone else.

Yeah, Mambo...I'd almost feel sorry for them if I could...ha?

I like it also when there are widely varying comments posted...I don't think any of us are judgemental...just outspoken...what's the point, if we're not, right?....how boring that would be!

I think that was a lot of the problem with our Major Troll of yon....we got lulled in because of the fantastic humor, imagination and creativity of his posts....and then....well, never mind....sigh

.....Mambo.....Exactly.....I can tolerate most anything, even if I do have my preferences, but these anonymous attacks on the forum and the people here are completely over the top, as you said, and are the one thing to which I do strongly object.

Show your face, coward!!!

It's like something Matt said a while back about people who show up on the IMDb or The Envelope forums. Something about how these people go to all this trouble to register, sign in, and then post how much they hate him and his show.

WHO DOES THAT???

To me, it's a simple, infantile bid for attention from someone very unhappy, projecting that unhappiness on unsuspecting total strangers.

We ALL have problems, some of us more than our share, but you mostly don't see us dragging them here and beating others to death with them.

It's so weird, too, because the plurality of these people follow the same patterns over and over.

It's a whole "troll" thing common to most all who come here brandishing that, and it probably won't be the last time you'll see it here, either.

The "semi-trolls" are also a breed apart. Those are the ones who seem friendly, fun and fascinating at first, who may or may not have a lot to contribute, but behind it all is a plot for total domination, usually targeting (victimizing?) the large ratio of women to men.

I call it "The Harem Syndrome." There were a few of those last season, also. Ugh. Bleah.

People come to a forum for a wide variety of reasons. Some to write, some to be social, some to manipulate others and feed their egos, some to cause trouble, some for therapy, and some a combination thereof. You begin to recognize the patterns, and the people to avoid, if you are paying attention.

[Just to qualify here, I've been plenty guilty of troll-like behaviors, some justified, some not, but I take responsibility either way.]

With that being said about the subject, it could have been a lot worse last season.

We got fairly lucky in that the one or two resident trolls at least knew to stay in their own threads and do their brawling there.....at least until the end.

Without any kind of intervention or posted policies, we will have to fend for ourselves, and by that I do NOT mean clamming up and pretending that person didn't just drop a giant, steaming pile of poo in front of our faces.

No need to be snarky, childish or insulting, but voicing an honest reaction should BE the reaction, not allowing it to continue.

To that, all you can do is do your best (even when it's not that great), admit when you are wrong, don't take any crap that doesn't apply (this is a big one, because of the whole projecting of blame thing), and apologize when it does.

The whole thing about this forum is that it's really mostly a-political, which is the thing I don't like about many forums.

Here, anyone can come or go, say mostly what they want, be greeted in a friendly manner. And, we are spending our time here writing, joking and having fun rather than expending tons of energy plotting our next political chess move.

Bah! Who wants THAT?

As to zerelda, I'd have to say she's one of the better-behaved among us these days! No names mentioned, of course!

And Mambo, you are so well-behaved I can't imagine you getting "trolled" by anyone.....I guess no one is immune, right?

To any and all trolls here - now or in the future - I say, "I'm crushing your head!!"

"Crushing!"

"Did we give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No!"

(I hope everyone gets the reference, I'm really not that dumb.)

LOL Aahh Mambo ... yes one of the all time funny movies ... 6 years of college down the drain.

What I don't understand is the whole women's purse reference by Siman. (the horror, the horror) I mean my purse isn't scary.... You'd find sunglasses, makeup, some nice smelling perfume, my grocery coupons, some money, a few credit cards, gum and some ibupropen... What the heck is scary about that? Now have you ever accidentally walked into a men's restroom? Now that's scary!!! OOOhh the horrors .....

Hottalotawomen that a nice compliment you gave us all. I don't post on others either as I find them too mean.... you want to talk about mean. I enjoy this site too as you can learn something, share common thoughts about the best show on t.v., take a walk down memory lane, get advice or just have a laugh.

*When* a guy admits to it... it always comes down to "thrills", "didn't really think about it" and "now I'm fucked"...

:)

P

ruthsgirl, what an interesting observation! Please don't let that discourage you. All comments are welcomed. It doesn't matter if they're not apprectiated or if no one responds to you directly. If you have something to say, by all means say it. I do believe AMC/Lionsgate are the originators of this forum. Folks just jump in and say whatever they may. Don't take it personal, afterall
you never know what goes on in peoples lives in the course of 60 years, 60 minutes or after a few rounds for that matter. Sure "there is a little coterie of posters" so on and so forth, but they don't run nothing but their mouth! It's all good. Let them talk them seem to enjoy themselves. Just do like the Godfather told Sonny at the meeting with what's his face "Never let anyone outside the family know what you're thinking". Keep the goods to yourself and just comment on the show. Afterall, what's the name is on your bank account. It don't matter, enjoy yourself. I haven't heard of anyone winning a Golden Globe for posting. Besides these girls have been around for a while, trust me they're harmless!

Don't you just love the way AMC tailors the ads to fit our threads:

Catch Cheating Husbands
Record Emails, IMs & Chat Messages. Easy to Use. 7-day Free Trial!

Wife Adultery
Find out why so many women today are committing adultery

I gotta say I prefer the Dunkin Donuts ad. So pretty!

Chelsea, I agree about the woman's purse remark. While I admit to carrying a pocket knife in there, the only really scary thing in mine is my driver's license picture. It's a good thing I don't pack it too full, too, as my husband is always handing me things when we go out together and asking me to stash them in my purse...wallet, cell phone, keys, checkbook, maps, you name it. He hates putting things in his pockets, so he loads up my purse.

I have always wondered what Queen Elizabeth carries in those handbags of hers....do you think they are full of things Prince Phillip doesn't want to carry?

Patrick another brave soul. I've heard guys say "it" doesn't mean anything when they cheat ... so would that excuse apply to the woman who cheated?

pink you are soooo right... I've posted since Ep 2 Season 1... off and on and I still get ignored most of the time...

But I love reading the boards... during the season(s) it's great to read 200+ posts... the ideas and charm and bile and humour and insight and babble flow out equally... and it's all good... as you say...

P

Patrick, you can call on me anytime. Don't run off. I'd love to engage in cyber chatter from one Maddict to another. Seems like Men aren't the only ones cheating!

First of all guys are essentially full of it and themselves... oddly, that's what a lot of women LOVE... egos projecting, assertions into the density of the female mindset, flirting and ignoring the very subject of your attentions...

Tell a beautiful women she's intelligent
Tell an intelligent women she's beautiful
Tell a beautiful and intelligent women she's the one person you've met in a year who's honest
And use your eyes to tell every women you are attracted to they are the center of the known universe... and... things tend to go well...

That's what dasterdly males do... so beware! :)

P

Yeah Mz Z those adds are so scary how they conform to whatever the topic is (how they do that?) I think the Queen in her pocketbook, probably has her hanky and the crackers and sugar packets she stole from the restaurant......

AND the golden globe for posting goes to _______ ...PINKY you fill in the blank ......

and women dab on the perfume, undo a couple of buttons, flutter their lashes and lick their lips and basterdly males fall for it every time......yes, they do.

Chelsea... honestly... I've always been dumbfounded how a guy who cheats on his lady/wife gets twisted out of shape when the boomerang hits him on the b-hind...

Certainly men are hard-wired for cheating, sad to tell you ladies... you can't play a round of golf with your buddies and not have every semi-attractive women in the club house, on the course, puttering around in the beer cart or in the resturant or proshop rhetorically bent over for servicing the male fantacy fetish reflex... men are always looking, imagining, wondering... though yours may not be capturing, investigating and plundering...

A man lives at the threshold of desire... love is the line in the sand... for some it demarcates the security of their chosen lives from what would have been/could be... for some it's a contractual divide tempting them... for others it's nothing more than a line, which is easily crossed...

P

So the moral here is don't ask and don't tell?
Actually Patrick probably the reason the guy is so dumbfounded as you say could be that a guy who cheats may not in most cases really care for the lady but usually if a women is gonna cheat on her guy, she really likes the guy which is a threat to her guy and his ego..... JMO

No wonder Dad's are soooo protective of their little girls.

I bet that Simon is either British or Canadian. I have a friend whose father is English (from Manchester) and he uses the term "big girl's handbag" like Americans would call someone a dumbass or loser or schlemeil.

Apparently English men have issues with women's accessories! :-)

And to add to Patrick's comments: Remember what Billy Crystal told Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally"; men and women can't be friends, even with ugly girls.

.....and the Posting Golden Globe for "Best Honesty In A Thread"goes to.......... Patrick Kehoe! For his outstanding honesty and detailed insight on the subject "WHY DO MEN CHEAT"? I do believe that your post was very informative and it also answered many questions we dare not ask.
No to say the least, he also explains "Why He Just Isn't That Into You"! It was a tough choice, but the members of the Academy finally came to an agreement. Great thread Chelsea.

Z, I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets loaded down with stuff ..."Here, can you put this in your purse?".... by my husband, too. Does yours then say "Why is this thing so heavy??" ha

I have a deal of pepper spray in my purse....otherwise, it's just the same junk any other gal carries...remember when Art Linkletter used to dump out a woman's purse on "People Are Funny" and go through all the crap that fell out and everyone would laugh?

My purse is so boring by comparison.

...and, z, my DL pic is bad, too...if I thought I even remotely resembled that skank, I'd never go out in public again.

Eeeeeek

.....I bet Joan could answer the question.

I keep thinking about her statement to Roger in regard to cheaters..... "The sneaking around is the part you like best....."

Just guessing, but different men probably cheat for slightly different reasons. I don't like it when women are generalized and diminished, so I wouldn't do it to the men.

Patrick's post was very poetic (I always enjoy his posts), though I found particularly bothersome the male perception that women as a whole (providing they are the slightest bit eligible) are like mares in heat, restlessly milling around the pen in anticipation.

In your mind, and the mind of some others, but again, that seems like a blanket generalization.

Sorry if I took that on the offense, but the real aphrodisiac for many of us dangerous, sinister and mysterious creatures is chivalry and respect, not hormones and stealth.

.....Hey, Patrick.....What do you tell a beautiful, intelligent, honest woman?

Ha!

[.....Heh heh.....she said "skank".....heh heh.....]

.....Saying all that, and reading Patrick's posts again, it would seem (from that perspective) there is a large percentage of people to whom sex is a game, they approach the whole thing in that way, and playing the games is what they like best.

Maybe that is just an extension of how they approach life in general.

I can't spend time here today, but the single theme I see running through the men who can't imagine being "tied down" or prefer singlehood (and I don't just mean here) is simply that they do not know how to relate to women as human beings.

The Playboy bunny is the distant ideal, and women are largely objectified in a variety of less-than-flattering or respectful ways.

Women are a "they" with unique, burdensome and convoluted rules, and the men pursuing them are titillated, but never actually comfortable.

I honestly think the men who have the best chance in that circumstance are those who are able to have women friends, without bringing sex into it every minute of every day.

No offense intended at all, everyone is entitled to their opinions and perspectives, and not to belabor the point, but I feel sorry for the ones who haven't found happy monogamy.

Monogamy isn't a prison - to the contrary. The wrong relationship CAN be a prison, but if you are in the right union, you are twice the person you'd be on your own, with twice the opportunities to enjoy the meaningful things in life, and maybe even build something together, be it a business, a houseful of pets, a charitable organization or a family - whatever.

I was a happy-go-lucky, jet-setting single career girl for years, and have also been very monogamous. At this point, I wouldn't trade the latter for the former, for any amount of money.

Been there, done that, and there is no comparison in my mind.

There have been a lot of really interesting topics on this thead, but I just want to throw this out there:
I'm in the younger generation of Mad Men fans (under 30), and the question "Why Do Men Cheat?" seems to me to be a relic of the Mad Men era which is almost obsolete in today's world.

Among the people I know, women cheat just as much as men. When people cheat, their partner/spouse usually understands what the reasons could have been, wherever they fall on the spectrum between "unhappy with the existing relationship'' to "the random stranger was cute and I needed validation". So, they spouse or partner might be enraged/devastated/angry, but they don't really ask "Why" in quite the same way they once did.

Also, with social norms relaxing and personal decisions playing a larger role, sex, cheating, divorce, etc. have become more mainstream. Remember how much shock and pity Betty first felt for Helen Bishop? A man cheating on a woman in those days could destroy her entire world and sense of self, and she could be left scorned and alone with children to care for. That doesn't quite happen in the same way today, maybe partly because women have more rights.

Please challenge my ideas - maybe I'm being naive but I'm just trying to express why I felt that the question "Why do men cheat" doesn't really apply to my life at all....

Dry..... I couldn't agree more.

It seems you have definitely "looked at love from both sides now" -- to quote Judy Blue Eyes...and now appreciate your good fortune in finding a good man ...I say "Good for you!" -- and me, and Z and other marrieds on here who appreciate our good fortune.

"There's nothing better than a good marriage....and nothing worse than a bad one..."

I don't know who said that, but it rings true.

Dry - do you really think so? Aren't there positive, non-hurtful, mutually beneficial, and mutually accepted ways for people to be non-monogamous?

I think it's a huge generalization to say that all men who are not interested in monogamy objectify women or can't relate to them as human beings.

Why can't each person have the autonomy to decide what is right for him or her?

What if...maybe....sex is a game?

Dry wrote:
.....Hey, Patrick.....What do you tell a beautiful, intelligent, honest woman?

Ha!

You say: "Will you marry me?"

P

I feel compelled to post the quote from the long married Roger Staubach after being asked about Joe Namath's famous remarks about sex with many women and how he (Joe) does just the opposite of the accepted "rule" of "no sex before a game" .... Roger said:

"I enjoy sex as much as Joe Namath, only I do it with one girl."

'Nuf said.

Dry wrote:
Patrick's post was very poetic (I always enjoy his posts), though I found particularly bothersome the male perception that women as a whole (providing they are the slightest bit eligible) are like mares in heat, restlessly milling around the pen in anticipation.

In your mind, and the mind of some others, but again, that seems like a blanket generalization.

Sorry if I took that on the offense, but the real aphrodisiac for many of us dangerous, sinister and mysterious creatures is chivalry and respect, not hormones and stealth.

----------
No problem... good post... what else can we do but generalize upon the wonderment of attractions which, I agree with you, are manifold and diamond like, ever turning and refracting the light of meanings...

Some people are simplistic and others complex, some yearn for simplicity and other fixate upon random complexities... some men are always on the hunt, others just encounter the world as it comes at them and utilize their various gifts accordingly... if a woman presents herself as given to mystery and the sinister, well... she's likely to run into/find the power dynamics in a male over and over... if she wants to encounter chivalry and something paranthetical to courtly love, she has to be able to distinguish eros from the tremulous beginnings of love...

P

.....Patrick.....Already taken, but thanks for the sentiment! {:)

not not.....I think everyone here is right, from their perspective on the time line, circumstance, sex, etc. A lot of great and very different perspectives from everyone, and it's mostly all true, too, for each of us.

Also, sure I think everyone has their deal, and if it works for them and they are happy, fabulous - with the operative words being "works" and "happy."

I don't necessarily agree with the "game" part, only because I hate them in general, so that would obviously extend to the matter of the whole man-woman thing.

(Or whatever the genders!)

Call me crazy, but I think it's way more exciting when two people are being totally authentic, rather than role-playing they may or may not be able to maintain.

If you like yourself enough, that isn't a fearful thing but rather comes naturally. If you already think you are lovable with some charisma, why would you NEED or WANT to play those games?

Maybe I'm overthinking this. (I'm definitely procrastinating a huge pile of work!!!)

I guess what I was saying up there is that there ARE a lot of very different perspectives, and many people kind of go around the whole wheel in the process of living a life through the years.

In my 20s I ran screaming from the engagement rings (kicked myself later on a couple of those) but now recognize all that, really, as personal issues, not issues with the opposite sex, relationships or marriage as an institution.

It's a matter of your priorities at the time.

Life changes you in various ways, and you may find your position on any given subject changing, depending on WHATEVER your trip is, at that moment.

[Wow - that was a whole lot of nothin'!]

.....SCfan..... "There's nothing better than a good marriage....and nothing worse than a bad one..."

OMG how true. It can be Heaven, ir it can be Hell.

Patrick.....So what you're saying here is that you guys just can't help yourselves? (Heh.)

Sounds like you are also saying that those who enjoy the games are naturally drawn to others who enjoy the games also, which I guess is one good thing about that......

In any case, this "she" is pretty clear, on pretty much all of it (at least I like to think so)!

You say potato....ha ha - it's all good, right?

Wow, these Maddicts are some kind of wordsmiths...I can never get over the amazing ways everyone expresses themselves....so cool.

I'm so proud to be on this forum with all these wonderfully expressive folks.

Amaze me some more guys!

Way upthread, somebody - was it you, Chopin? said my "Usual answer to everything was more sex" and somebody else said I was being risque.

So I do want to clarify that my post was about sexual compatibility - which I firmly believe (having been married more than once) is very much at the heart of a successful marriage. And my point was that people ought to consider this aspect before they get married, are woefully mismatched, and have to pay a huge price for something that is not
inherently any one peron's fault.

Also forgot to say that I respectfully must disagree that good communication and mutual respect, while they are very important attributes to any relationship, lead inevitably to great sexual adjustment. The chemistry has to be there. You can communicate successfully and have respectful relationships with many people that you would never think of "that way".

You are so right, flower...gotta have that spark in marriage, too. It's either there or it's not...and it's usually apparent very early in the relationship.

Also, I was the one who said (in jest) that you were "getting risque" up there a ways...I maybe should have made it clearer that I was kidding, but...I did say I agreed with you...I don't mind posters getting a bit raunchy...you know me better than that! lol

just joshin', really....

.....flower.....I don't think either of those things is true about you, and I don't find anything you write objectionable, ever.

You are very intelligent, contribute a unique point of view to every thread on which you participate, and have a droll sense of humor which I find very enjoyable.

I keep coming back to this, but isn't expressing yourself freely (albeit mannerly) the point of an adult, public forum?

I would not presume to censor anyone else's comments made in good faith, and I hope no one censors me.

Geez. Don't we have enough of that in our regular lives???

Dry...to quote Senor Wences and Johnny (and Pedro!)

....So Right!

Thanks for those affirmations, but I have been told that I am too blunt and outspoken sometimes, and I forget that we have folks from all over, various ages and outlooks, so I will keep that in mind when I post. I feel so much like I know everybody here and sometimes assume (never assume!) that it's ok to say stuff that I would say to people I have known for a long time and maybe that is not right. There is a certain anonymity on the internet that sort of breaks down inhibitions and lets you say what you think but that does not always fly!

Right Flower I understood what you meant and agree.... hmmm that begs another question SCfan touched on. Is it better to be really good friends with your partner and not have chemistry or have great chemistry but not be really good friends or have a lot in common???..

Chelsea, I think it's better to be really good friends (like each other as well as love each other) AND have (sexual) chemistry, too....IMO I remember in some movie a character was talking about marriage and made the remark..."well, ya gotta get out of bed sometime..." So I think that if you have both the sexual compatability and are great friends (in "like" with each other as well as love) the friendship and things in common just naturally fall into place over the years.

And flower...Go right ahead and keep posting what you feel like!..can't please all the people all the time...no sense in even trying to. I enjoy reading posts from all the Maddicts, ESPECIALLY those who are to the point and "outspoken"...makes me feel not so much like the Lone Ranger! lol

I didn't mean I was "to the point and outspoken" like I think flower is ... what I am is more like.... impulsive....a problem I've worked on all my life...to not much avail....alas.

.....Amen, SCfan. Trying to please everyone, all the time, is literally impossible. And bluntness doesn't bother me, as long as it's coming from a sincere place and not entirely untruthful.

It's the internet, with a bunch of faceless strangers we'll never meet, not your living room with your mother-in-law, so why not be frank and honest.

By that I don't mean rude (I should talk), but if you can't be yourself and say what you really mean under a fake name on the internet, where CAN you??

People don't know what to do with that, and so they target, categorize, metabolize and spin it in all kinds of inaccurate ways.

Anyway, I suppose you can't go by me, me being the "Evil Bitch Monster of Death" and all....

"Evil Bitch Monster of Death"....??????.... Heavens to Mergatroid, Dry...No No No....Never!

And as far as your being "rude"... I, for one, can usually sense when your "rudeness" (I'd be more inclined to call it mischeviousness, myself!) is just your wonderful, unique way of shaking up the forum and sending all those off-season cobwebs flying.

Thank God you've been stubborn (and entertaining) enough to keep me and z and Chelsea and Drink and flower and Mambo and ho and rozsie and Auburn A. and grey and jamm, and any others I've forgotten, please forgive me...not intentional! (CRS!) -- company in the wilderness....it's so wonderful to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel now....I have a feeling these last few weeks will drag the slowest of all!

......SIGH.....

Hey, Ms. Dry, I am the appointed "Nasty Bitch of the Week" on this Forum. I got my title on Monday, so I figure I have until next Monday to wear my sash and tiara - I know you are jealous 'cause I am looking so fine in them.

What does "Evil Bitch Monster of Death" get? How many times do I have to be elected "Nasty Bitch" before I get your title? You aren't like the Queen of England and have to die before somebody can take over from you, I hope?

Hey, Z...want to wear the Sacred Hoover's Hose (insert Maddict Chant here) the speaker of the week uses during our Maddicts Meetings (over at the Ossining Park's gazebo) draped over your shoulder --- along with your sash and tiara? It is our most revered MM artifact (donated by Peggy herself!)

It would be just the touch, I think....

.....Ha ha.....Glad you see it that way, SCfan. I can guarantee you are a minority (even though you are largely right), but thank you.

z.....You look mahvelous in your NBo'theWeek tiara!

As to the EBMo'Death crown, I don't think you want that.

It's extremely heavy, and has a force field around it that repels all potential friends within a 200 mile radius!

LOVE it! Can we please have some tee shirts made up with those titles?
One of my students called another teacher a bitch last year and she just turned around casually and said."That's MS bitch to you" and went right on teaching.

.....Hilarious.....(?)

Yikes teaching must be so hard now, with the educators having their hands tied in so many ways, and kids becoming more hard-core, rebellious and violent at an earlier age.

The news yesterday had some young kid just WAILING on a school bus driver, and all the driver could do legally was cover his or her head, knowing the whole thing was being recorded on video.

They don't get paid enough for the importance of the job.

Oh, yeah, love the T-shirt idea too.....

Great idea for a T-Shirt. Hey SCFan you forgot "hotlottawomen" she checks in all the way from Hawaii. Wonder if there is anyone from Alaska?

Whew what a long week at work I had. Now have a nice long weekend off. What's everybody doing for the 4th? I for one and going to CHEAT!!!

(on my diet) LOL

My Granddad used to say he was having a fifth on the Fourth.
Wasn't it the Fourth when Betty and Don went to the club and saw the fashion show? Betty was enbarrassed because Arthur saw her with her two children.

Hey, Chelsea...have a twinkie for me! God, those are good...hell, make that a whole pie!...well, that reminds me, gotta treadmill tomorrow...30 minutes of sweat and misery...oh well...either that or flab city....make that July 5.....sigh

Oh, I did mention holottawoman up there, I just call/called her ho, but I bet I forgot some others...CRS is the sh**s....if I could REMEMBER everybody, I'd mention them...just know that, Maddicts! lol

......"Your Cheatin' Heart"!

A fifth on the fourth!! LOL Flower that is priceless and I will add that to my repetroi (sp?)