I love this question. I think he'd have died in the mid-eighties of a heart attack during sex with his much-younger fourth wife. His kids, grandkids and all of his ex-wives would skip the funeral, but it would be well attended by colleagues past and present. Pulitzer prize-winning author Ken Cosgrove would give the eulogy. A few years later, Sally Draper writes a tell-all book about her legendary father and how her bad childhood turned her into an alcoholic. She's recovering now, thank goodness, because she has re-embraced Christianity with the help of Jim Bakker and his wife Tammy Faye. She becomes disillusioned after Jessica Hahn but pledges to stick by them.

Neat question, Helen!

I think he would be the survivor of 3 near fatal heart attacks (and a quintuple bypass survivor) who lives at the Shady Pines Retirement Home where he is the stud of all the 60+ chicks who live there.

Go Don!

Top Ten Predictions for the 83 year old Don Draper:

10. A prostate the size of a basketball.
9. Nearly blind from untreated syphyllis.
8. An addiction to Cialis - after hearing one of the side affects is a possible erection lasting four hours, Don "the Magic Wand" Draper sets an age world record of 36 hours. The loss of blood circulation to his brain results in permanent damage.
7. The onset of dementia causes him to refer to his ex-wife Betty as Anna.
6. Despite his advanced age, Don is quite computer literate. As a frequent contributor to the Mad Men blog, he goes by the avatar "Visan".
5. As the creative director emeritus of Sterling Cooper, he writes the copy for James Garner's reverse mortgage ads.
4. While standing in line for lunch at the Shady Pines Retirement Home, he recites old Jello ads from the 60's.
3. His love of automobiles has never waned; the highlight of his week is the group trip to the local Safeway to ride the electric scooter/shopping cart; the only down side is waiting for the 29 year old, 350 pound diabetic welfare mom to give up her ride.
2. Through the miracle of genetic testing, Don Draper's offspring have been identified; in addition to Sally, Bobby and Adam Draper, Don has 22 other children from 18 different women, resulting in his enshrinement into the NBA Hall of Fame.

And the number one prediction for the 83 year old Don Draper (in his words) - "the mind and body may be shot but at least I outlived Campbell!"

Let's see... good looks, completely amoral, likes to re-invent himself, lies like a rug - gotta be in Congress.

Amen, Polar Bear,...damn clever..... couldn't top that if I tried........... {/-(

Lois.....well, at least he died doing what he loves.

SCfan (love the new avatar) .....met one like that myself.....laughed my pants off.....oops!

flower..........he'd be too upstanding for Congress, unless he has lots of pictures......(of the other guys of cource)

You guys are the funniest!

Polar, I could just visualize all those "adventures" you envisioned for Don...36 hours, huh? He must have been the proudest fella in the ER that day!

He'd be living in Cali driving a cherry red Cadallic convertible with white interior still trying to pick up chicks while driving 25 miles per hour. He'd have given up smoking back in the 70's when he was driving one day and saw a billboard that said "Let's smoke old cancers and live it up." Where upon he tossed the Lucky's, that and his ex-wife Betty died of cancer. Sally and the grandkids would be living close by he'd spend time with them doing jigsaw puzzles and taking them out for chocolate milkshakes, they just couldn't drink them in the cady.

The nurses at Shady Pines would be fighting over who gets to give him his shower!!

No, Don died in 1981 of AIDS, one of the first heterosexual males to contract it.

I have never, ever, read anything so clever. All of you are to be commended, but Polar Bear.........you have missed your calling!

Not sure I understand... You are expecting Don to have cared about his future...? Are you reading ahead of the episodes? Because as far as I can see, he already tried suicide on his daughter's birthday... Do you think he'd be taken by a disease 20 years later? I'd say he'd straighten up by then or heck, succeeded at his goal way before...

Remember when he says "ahh. suicide!..."

Let's regroup and stay focused... It's Dick Witmann we are talking about, people!

You're right, MMStyle, it is old Dickie we're talking about....I'll say what I've said before--he goes back to selling and restoring cars, his first love. I remember his eyes lighting up when he was talking to those car-jockeys who were elbow-greasing their hybrids.

Dickie comes from an era where every young blooded Americal boy owned and worshipped his car. There was nothing under the hood he couldn't fix or improve on. It, literally, was in their blood......just check out the auctions of restored autos on TV......and all the clubs in the country dedicated to this. It's still a whole sub-culture and now very lucrative.

In spite of what everyone thinks 'silverminx' means, it actually was a stately old estate car made by Hillman........chosen by moi after watching Dickie goggle over the old cars at Anna's. It wasn't unusual to see cars like this in the old Oyster Bay where I used to summer. This town was the site of many old-money estates like where the too rich and stuffry Sterling Cooper's lived.....but that was then.....

Don is 83 years old and regrets that he spent 10 years behind bars in California for having sex with a minor named Joy. Betty is no longer his wife since she divorced his ass in 1963 after he lost $500,000 in the sale of Sterling Cooper. Don didn't realize that when he didn't sign a non-compete contract, he also didn't sign the main contract that made him a partner. Don lives at Shady Pines next to Duck Phillips. Duck helps out Don by taking care of his new dog Polly. However, Don hasn't seen Polly in awhile? Sally drops by now and again and brings Don his liquor and cigarettes. She has to take the bus now since her license was revoked for too many DUI's. Bobby visits his father on the weekends on his way to drug rehab and his 12 step program. Father Gill visits Don almost daily and gets jaw dropping confessions from him. Peggy visits Don just to flirt with Father Gill. It's a wild ride at Shady Pines when you have Don Draper as a resident! Cheers! ;o)

....and, er, Shady Pines is located where.......???

Since I was the one who envisioned DD at Shady Pines I will say it is just outside Ossining...ol' Don stayed close to the old stompin' grounds when he retired.

(I'm sure you all know I stole that from "The Golden Girls"...it's the home where Dorothy had put Sophia--- and she would always threaten her with putting her back in it saying, "Shady Pines, Ma...Shady Pines!" to get her to behave! lol)

He is using the name Greenspan nowadays....

Personally, I'd like to think that our Dick Whitman changed his name again. What is his new name and what did he become?

He changed his name to Seinfeld (can't remember his first name) and he lives at the Palms at Del Boca Vista, Phase II in Florida. His son, Jerry, by his second wife, visits from New York and sometimes brings his girlfriend, Elaine. Everyone thinks he's losing it when his old stories get mixed up: was he in advertising or the dress business? And who's this Sally and Bobby he sometimes mentions? Isn't Jerry an only child?

I think maybe his name was Morty...but not sure, Mambo.

Yep, I think Jerry was an only. Not sure on that either, though.

@Polar Bear...

Very funny stuff.

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