Guy walks into a bar.

He sees a horse sitting at the bar.

"Buddy, why the long face?" he asked the horse.

Corny, but I couldn't resist. hehe

MadMenSuze----chuckle chuckle---not "corny"---funny!!

....A man took his pet duck to the movie theatre. He was worried about not getting admitted if someone saw the duck, so to hide the duck he stuck it inside his pants.

After awhile (inside the movie theatre) the duck began to get uncomfortable, so the man opened his zipper so the duck could stick his head out. That was alot better.

There were two women sitting next to him in the theatre. One woman said to the other one, "Muriel, that man has his "thing" out". Muriel said, So what you’ve seen one before. "Yes", replied her friend, "but this one is eating my popcorn!"

.....A woman walks into a bar and the bartender says “Hey where’d you get the pig?”

The women says “This isn’t a pig it’s a duck”

and the bartender says

“I was talking to the duck!”

.....A man walks into a bar and asks the barman,

'Was I in here last night?'

'You certainly were,' replies the barman.

'And did I spend a lot of money?'

'You spent over $100, replies the barman.

'Thank God for that,' says the man,

'I thought I'd wasted it.'

So this Irishman walks out of a bar....

It could happen.

(I'm Irish.)

....Hilarious - good one!

You guys are sooooooooo funny!

Where are you Drink&Smoke???...this is your kinda topic!!!!!

I take a little break and look what I've missed. I'm here SCfan - love your new icon! ;o) Okay, this thread is made for me. Here goes a Creme de Menthe joke, MM style... Cheers!! ;o)

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink here named after you." The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Bob?"

Two guys and their pets were driving through a dusty town and were ready for a beer. However, it was so hot they hated to leave their dogs in the car.

The first guy said, "I have an idea. Just watch me, wait a few minutes, and come on in." He put his shades on, walked into the bar with his German shepherd, and ordered a drink. A few minutes later his buddy came in with HIS shades on and HIS dog, which was a Chihuahua. He sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The bartender said, "Hit the road, buddy -- no dogs in the bar." The guy said, "But this is my seeing eye dog!"
The bartender said, "Get serious. Nobody in the whole wide world has a Chihuahua as a seeing eye dog."

The guy responded, "They gave me a CHIHUAHUA?"

Again I say you all are hilarious!

Hi gang!!
I'm having a Freddy moment while laughing at some of these jokes!!
I have heard so many over the years...but, do ya think I could remember one now? Noooo, of course not!

Oh, I just remembered John Slaterry's classic response on SNL last night. "It's 12 o'clock, I have to get to the bar"!!

.....Sandy.....That was a total cackle!

Roger's lines, at least in this episode, are starting to resemble sharp stand-up lines.

Slattery does it like no one else, but I hope we don't reduce Roger's role to a Henny Youngman or whatever....

No disrespect meant to the comic genius.

SCfan- I agree - like your new icon. But please no blonde jokes. Blonde bleu here.

Thanks for the laughs everyone, and thanks to you, SCfan for this thread. After 38 years of listening to my husband's jokes (he is the best!) you would think I could contribute at least one, but no, I can never remember a joke to save my life.

Mary Jane, you'll never hear "blonde jokes" from me. I'm a natural redhead but have chosen to be a "bottle blonde" at times before, but decided that (at 57) I'll just stick to what I have naturally, although now I get help from Clairol !

you all are so funny! terrific posts.

A priest, a rabbi, a guy with a parrot on his shoulder and a blonde all walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"