What Are Your Favorite Joan Quotes?
Sure she's Mrs. Harris now, but marriage isn't likely to change Joan's candid, ever-seductive style of speaking. Whether she's delivering the hard truth to Peggy, or gently letting down a besotted roommate, Joan always knows the right thing to say. Tell us your favorite lines and quips.
We'll randomly choose one contributor to win a Mad Men poster, a Mad Men Dyna Moe desktop set, or some Mad Men DVDs. Your selection may even end up on the Mad Men website. All submissions should be posted in the comments section below and must include the season and episode from which the quote is taken.
Joan's d-bag husband: I don't want to get into a fight.
Joan: Then stop talking.
I agree with jafpowell:
Dr. Harris: I don't want to fight right now.
Joan: Then stop talking.
That's how my husband and I avoid fights. Seems to work just fine, lol!
"This is completely unnecessary."
"When you wake up in the middle of the night and wonder what you forgot, don't call me"
From Season 3 - Guy Walks Into An Advertising Agency
“Go home, take a paper bag, cut some eyeholes out of it. Put it over your head, get undressed and look at yourself in the mirror. Really evaluate where your strengths and weaknesses are. And be honest.”
--Joan, Episode 1.1 "When Smoke Gets In Your Eyes"
Basically sums up how much it must've sucked to be a sexy single gal back then.
That one's good, too, Nancy! :)
"Reads like stage directions from an Ibsen play" Season 3. Episode The Arangements
“Go home, take a paper bag, cut some eyeholes out of it. Put it over your head, get undressed and look at yourself in the mirror. Really evaluate where your strengths and weaknesses are. And be honest.”
--Joan, Episode 1.1 "When Smoke Gets In Your Eyes"
Basically sums up how much it must've sucked to be a sexy single gal back then.
"One day you're on top of the world and the next some secretary is running you over with a lawn mower."
Season 3, Episode 6: Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency
Season 3, Episode 6
Joan: I bet he felt great when he woke up this morning.
Season 3, Episode 6: "Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency"
"That's life. One minute, you're on top of the world. The next, some secretary is running over your foot with a lawn motor."
"No crying in the breakroom. That's what your apartment is for.
"Fun-loving girl, responsible sometimes. Likes to laugh, lives to love seeks size six for city living and general galavanting. No dull moments or dull men tolerated."
Season 3, Episode 4, "The Arrangements"
"Sometimes when people get what they want, they realize how limited their dreams were."
Season 1, "The Wheel" [I think.]
"I said congratulations didn't I? Although, sometimes when people get what they want they realize how limited their goals were."
Season 1 Episode 13 "The Wheel"
Season 3, Episode 3...Greg and Joan are arguing over the placement of their dinner guests. Greg informs Joan that he doesn't want to argue. In true Joan fashion...calm, cool, collected and composed...she utters the best line EVER, "then stop talking." That one moment, that one line, THAT is Joan!
Season 3, Episode 6, "Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency"
Paraphrasing Joan to Peggy: I would like to think I was partly behind your success.
"The medium is the message"
Season 1
The medium is the message.
Season 1, Episode 2 (i think)
"Loves to laugh, lives to love." (Season 3)
"One day you're on top of the world and the next some secretary is running you over with a lawn mower."
Season 3, Episode 6: Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency
"That sandwich is making me sad."
Season 1, episode 2, "Ladies Room."
...one day you'll lose someone important to you, and it will be very painful." ~~ to Roger when he discovers her crying in his office after Marilyn Monroe's death ~~
from: Season 2, Episode 9, "Six Month Leave"
"Roger, if you had your way, I would be stranded in some paperweight with my legs stuck in the air."
"Aren't you darling? You're going to be gangbusters."
(Episode 5 "The New Girl" of Season 2)
"Because you’re the one who got away? You. Out there in your poor little rich boy apartment in Newark or wherever. Walking around with your pipe and your beard. Falling in love with that girl just to show how interesting you are. ... Go ahead, what part is wrong?"
"Flight 1," Season 2, Episode 2
Season 1, Episode 6-Babylon
"You know what they say, the medium is the message"
“This is why I don’t allow crying in the break room. It erodes morale. There’s a place to do that, like you’re apartment.”
Season Two, Episode One, ‘For Those Who Think Young’
“Go home, take a paper bag, cut some eyeholes out of it. Put it over your head, get undressed and look at yourself in the mirror. Really evaluate where your strengths and weaknesses are. And be honest.”
--Joan, Episode 1.1 "When Smoke Gets In Your Eyes"
"But that's life. One minute, you're on top of the world; the next minute, some secretary's running you over with a lawnmower."
-Joan, to Don Draper regarding Guy MacKendrick's unfortunate accident, Season 3, Episode 6 (Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency)
"He has a place in South Hampton. I'm not saying I've seen it, but it's beautiful." Season 1, Episode 1, "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes"
"Don't be intimidated by all this technology. The men who designed it made it so simple that even a woman can use it."
-Joan showing Peggy around the office, Season 1, Episode 1. (Might be slightly paraphrased)
Season 1, Episode 1 (Smoke Gets in Your Eyes)
"He may act like he wants a secretary, but most of the time they're looking for something between a mother and a waitress."
"You won't be taken seriously until you start dressing like a woman. Stop dressing like a little girl."
Season 1, Episode 1:Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
To Peggy:
“Hopefully if you follow my lead, you can avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made here.” [Then Paul walks by and Joan looks at him] . “Like that one.”
Season 1, Episode 1:Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
To Peggy:
“Hopefully if you follow my lead, you can avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made here.” [Then Paul walks by and Joan looks at him] . “Like that one.”
Season 1, Episode 1:Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
To Peggy:
“Hopefully if you follow my lead, you can avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made here.” [Then Paul walks by and Joan looks at him] . “Like that one.”
"Don't be intimidated by all this technology. The men who designed it made it so simple that even a woman can use it."
-Joan showing Peggy around the office
Season 1 - Episode 1: Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
"You're indomitable! You'd never know you were the very bottom of the food chain."
Season 1, Episode 2 (Ladies Room)
Season 2 Episode 5 The New Girl
Joan to Jane
"Your decolletage is distracting."
"Why Mr. Draper, you're a sight for sore eyes!"
Episode 213, Meditations in an Emergency, when Don finally gets back to SC after his stay in California.
Season 2, Episode 5: The New Girl
"Your décolletage is distracting. This is an office that hinges on professional decorum."
(cue Freddy Rumsen on the zipper!)
" I said congratulations, didn't I? Although, sometimes when people get what they want they realize how limited their goals were." Season 1, Episode 13: "The Wheel"
"It's so obvious why you're seeing her. A supermarket check-out girl? The conversation must be stimulating: 'Lettuce costs a nickle'."
"Flight" Season 2, Episode 2
The most touching moment for me regarding Joan was not what she said, but, what she didn't say when she was applying makeup to Roger.
Her eyes welling up, her body language said it all...
Season 1, episode 11
Season 2, Episode 9
Joan (mourning Marilyn Monroe), to Roger (before he informs Mona he's leaving her later in the same episode) :
"One day you'll lose someone important to you. You'll see. It's very painful."
"I'm not a phony."
(To Paul Kinsey)
"Flight One," Season 2, Episode 2
"I'm not a phony."
(To Paul Kinsey)
"Flight One," Season 2, Episode 2
"I'm not a phony."
(To Paul Kinsey)
"Flight One," Season 2, Episode 2
Season One - Episode Ten: Long Weekend
Joan to friend Carol (who had just been fired for covering for her boss) "These men, we're always building them up, and for what?" Dinner and jewelry? Who cares?"
Season one, Episode one, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes:
"Also, men love scarves."
Season three and I still haven't figured out why men would love scarves.
“Your décolletage is distracting. This is an office that hinges on professional decorum.” — Joan Holloway, The New Girl (Season 2)
"I feel like I’m stuck somewhere between Doris Day in Pillow Talk and Midnight Lace, when what I need to be is Kim Novak in just about anything." — Joan Holloway, Long Weekend (Season 1)
"One day you're on top of the world and the next some secretary is running you over with a lawn mower."
Season 3, Episode 6: Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency
“You want to be taken seriously, stop dressing like a little girl.” — Joan Holloway, Maidenform (Season 2)
“But that’s life. One minute you’re on top of the world, the next minute some secretary’s running you over with a lawn mower.” — Joan Harris, Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency (Season 3)
"We can hire some prostitutes. I hear your prime minister enjoys their company." - Joan Harris, Guy Walks Into an Advertising Agency (Season 3)
Season 2 - Episode 12 The Mountain King
"You're tired, let me do the driving."
Joan to Greg during lovemaking
Joan speaking about Peggy to a couple of the guys:
"She's browsing. And like most of us she's disappointed with the selection of merchandise."
Season 1, Episode 2, "Ladies Room"