A performance like this could make you wonder why we even bothered to have a tournament in the first place: Christine was the number-one overall seed, so right out of the gate we kind of saw it coming. Was there a chance for an upset? A Cinderella story? Well, this girl has been killing peeps since before she rolled off the assembly line, so if there's a glass slipper to be found she ran that shiz over long ago.

Continue reading "Death on Wheels Tournament - B-B-B-Bad to the Bone Christine Takes All" »

Hail to the King, baby! We've been grinding gears, popping clutches and (insert your favorite automotive reference here) for weeks, and now we're down to the final round. And the same damn horror writer is responsible for both contestants.

Yes, it's Stephen King's Christine vs. Stephen King's Goblin Truck from Maximum Overdrive). Winner take all, hoist the trophy and throw the belt over your shoulder. Or maybe throw the belt in the back seat and move on to more slaughter and destruction.

This round it's speed (Christine) vs. brawn (Herr Goblin). The top seeded Christine dusted the No. 8 Landmaster from Damnation Alley in round one, then killed a second truck when she crushed the 1941 Chevy COE rust-bucket from Jeepers Creepers. Meanwhile, the fourth-seeded Goblin Truck whupped ass on the Land of the Dead RV known as "Dead Reckoning," then in Round 2, upset the second-seeded Stuntman Mike's '69 Charger from Death Proof.

And now it's on to the championship -- and somewhere, Stephen King is laughing that evil laugh of his. Christine, are you ready? Goblin Truck, are you ready? Then let's get it on!

Stuntman Mike's third-seeded '69 Charger from Death Proof, which put a hurting on the 1955 Peterbilt from Duel, is going hood-to-hood with the No. 4-ranked Goblin Truck, that smilin' semi from Maximum Overdrive.

While few would call Maximum Overdrive "good," even fewer would say "Goblin Truck? Never seen it, what the heck are ya talkin' about?" That's because damn near everyone has seen this iconic vehicle, in movie trailers, in clips, on DVD, or (unfortunately) on an actual big screen.

Take a look for yourselves, fight fans. The trailers below give you some solid snippets of each contestant's automotive malice.

Maximum Overdrive theatrical trailer

Death Proof theatrical trailer

Goblin Truck, are you ready? Stuntman Mike-mobile, are you ready? Let's get it on!

In Round 1 we had four matchups featuring cars vs. big-ass trucks. First-seeded Christine demolished the pimped-out RV known as Dead Reckoning. And then the squat, seventh-seeded Chevy COE bested the second-seed, the hot-modded Corvette known as Frankenstein (from Death Race 2000). Don't know what a COE is? Well, Dear Reader, that's the rusted-out crap-bomb that carted around a nasty villain in Jeepers Creepers.

In the semifinal matches, the car vs. truck action continues. Sleek, classic Christine goes head to head with the upset-minded COE in an awesome beauty-and-the-beast match-up.

It's also trailer vs. trailer. No, not truck trailers, movie trailers:

Christine theatrical trailer

Jeepers Creepers theatrical trailer

Christine, are you ready? Creeper COE, are you ready?

In the first round of the Death on Wheels Tournament, three hopeful Cinderellas can go back to mopping floors, because the top just seeds weren't having it.

Christine (No. 1 seed), Stuntman Mike's 1969 Dodge Charger (No. 3 seed) and the Goblin Truck from Maximum Overdrive (No. 4 seed) all followed the script, beating their lower-seeded opponents. The only upset came from the rusty, seventh-seeded 1941 Chevy COE from Jeepers Creepers. The Creeper's crusty ride beat out the No. 2 seed, the modded Corvette known as "Frankenstein" from Death Race 2000.

The Creeper's COE will have to perform an even greater feat of fearless fortitude if it's to win its semifinal match against Christine. Christine, a 1958 Plymouth Fury from the movie of the same name, demolished the eight-seeded Landmaster from Damnation Alley by a vote ratio of seven to one. That's an ass-whoopin', folks, and with good reason -- Christine is arguably the most famous movie car of all time. Oh, and she's a supernatural piece of bad mama-jammaness.

The semifinal matchup between the Goblin Truck and Stuntman Mike's '69 Charger is a different story. Both won their first-round encounters with just over 300 total votes, so they appear to have the same level of fan appeal. Goblin beat up on the Dead Reckoning RV from Land of the Dead (No. 5 seed), while the Charger did the nasty on the 1955 Peterbilt from Duel (No. 6 seed). The Charger, which hails from the flick Death Proof, clearly has the capacity to dust a semi, but will that be enough against the Green Menace?

The answer to that, Dear Reader, is in your hands. Prepare to rumble!

New York Times best-selling author Scott Sigler writes tales of hard-science horror, then gives them away as free audiobooks at www.scottsigler.com. His novel INFECTED was named as Border's #1 mystery, thriller and horror novel for 2008. His next major hardcover horror/thriller ANCESTOR will be out on May 4, 2010.

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