The last time I talked about making your own horror movies, I was a little Yoda-esque. You know what I mean -- all philosophy and "Do or do not, there is no try." Philosophizin' is all well and good, but eventually you've gotta stop thinking, get out there and make your dang movie. I've been through the no-budget fire, my friends, and I've learned a few things along the way. So this time around I'll be a little less Yoda and a little more Obi-Wan as I show you how to use the Force. It's time to get practical!

Formatting Your Script
Even if you're making a horror movie in your backyard that stars your mom as a mad scientist and your dad as a severed head, there's no reason for your script to come out of the printer looking all wonky... and trust me, if you write it in a basic word processing program, that's what's gonna happen. Show your actors you mean business by handing them a beautiful document, courtesy of a real screenwriting program! You don't need to spend gobs of money on Final Draft or Movie Magic Screenwriter to do it, either -- there's a free program called Celtx that formats your screenplay and a whole lot more. By the way, I totally want to see the movie starring your mom as a mad scientist and your dad as a severed head.

Continue reading "Stacie Ponder - Eight Do-or-Die Tips for Micro-Budget Horror Moguls" »

When you buy crackers, you expect to get a bunch of grain smooshed together in some sort of geometric shape. It's the flavors on top that make one cracker different from another, whether you slap a piece of your own cheese or opt for a pre-made "flavor" of mysterious origin -- yes, "Chicken in a Biskit," I'm looking at you.

I bring this up for two reasons: First, I could really use a snack. And second, haunted house movies are a lot like crackers -- you know you're going a house that's haunted, but each has its own distinct flavor. So you'll know what's in store behind the doors, I've compiled a little guide to some of horror's most famous scary domiciles.

The Belasco House, The Legend of Hell House (1973)
Reputation:  "The Mount Everest of haunted houses."
History: Millionaire wackadoo Emeric Belasco was a bad, bad man who enjoyed exploring the lurid side of humanity inside his sprawling house. He disappeared the night of a large massacre on the property, and the place has since been the site of all manner of paranormal phenomena.
What to expect: Flying furniture, bad kitties and sexy times. Belasco engaged in necrophilia, cannibalism, bestiality -- you name the perversion, he indulged it. His spirit -- as well as those of like-minded revelers -- can put visitors in an erotic trance.
How to make it through the night: Bring along a fancy ghostbusting machine and look for walled-over rooms.

Continue reading "Stacie Ponder - A Home Buyer's Guide to Haunted Real Estate" »

Rejoice, my friends! The time is nigh for the long-awaited DVD release of Fred Dekker's cult classic, Night of the Creeps (1986)!

The movie begins in 1959, as a rogue alien launches a cylinder containing some sort of "experiment" from a UFO. It crashes in the woods near Corman University and a curious young fella decides to investigate, getting a mouth full of space slug for his trouble. This B&W prologue gives way to color as the action shifts to 1986. It's pledge week, and a frat prank gone awry results in that young fella from '59 being thawed from a cryogenic deep-freeze... and where goes the young fella, goes the space slug. Before you can say "Holy crap, there's a massive brain-sucking slug outbreak on campus," there's a massive brain-sucking slug outbreak on campus.

Long a favorite with the horror crowd, this funny-creepy tale of alien parasites and the geeks who battle them is finally getting a second lease on life, and I hope a whole new crowd of genre fans will fall in love with the it. In fact, I'm making it my mission to preach the gospel of Night of the Creeps, hence my ten reasons why it rules!

Continue reading "Stacie Ponder - Night of the Creeps Rules for So Many Reasons, Space Slugs Being No. 8" »

I'm not a fan of the term "guilty pleasures," particularly in reference to movies or music. If you enjoy a movie, why should you feel bad about it? I'm not talking about movies whose camp value launches them into the realm of "so bad it's good": There's no shame in loving Shark Attack 3: Megalodon or Mausoleum or anything else that's a real, genuine hoot. A true "guilty pleasure" is a something you actually like like, even though no one else does. You dig it, go in search of kindred spirits, but when you look it up on IMDB, you find it's rated a 2 and everyone seems to think it's a big pile. So while they're laughing or rolling your eyes, maybe you're actually a little scared. You feel embarrassed, and may begin to question your sanity -- why did you like the movie when no one else did? Did you actually like it?

Yes... yes, you did like that horror movie! And you know what? That's OK. Sing their praises out loud, my friends! Stand up and say, "I enjoy these movies and I'm not going to feel guilty about it!" Here, I'll go first.

Continue reading "What's Your (Guilty) Pleasure? Five Fright Flicks Stacie Ponder Hates to Love" »

"Cat people" and "dog people" will argue until the end of time about which make better companions; cat people think dogs are dumb, dog people think cats are sneaky, untrustworthy jerks. When it comes to horror movies, though, there's no debate: Dogs win, paws down. Cats may have a spookier reputation in real life, but on screen the canine competition gets all the glory; they're louder and their teeth are bigger, after all. Here are some fiendish Fido-flavored flicks (I can't believe I just wrote that) that may cause you to switch sides in the pet wars.

The Breed
Though riddled with stereotypical (and largely stupid) characters, corny one-liners and a bad case of explaining-too-much-itis, The Breed is still a better movie than you'd expect. A group of college students are spending the weekend on an island that happens to be home to a research laboratory... and here come the angry, genetically-mutated doggies! A familiar setup, sure. But the action is fierce and the dogs are 100 percent D-O-G. CGI be damned!

Continue reading "Stacie Ponder - Cujo Knows a Dog Is Man's Best Fiend" »

I'm a "Monster Kid." Horror movies have been a huge part of my life ever since... well, ever since I've had a life. Growing up, Saturdays meant watching Creature Double Feature on Channel 56 before going outside to play. When my uncle took me to the store for my birthday and told me I could pick out any toy I wanted, I chose a huge plastic Alien toy -- yeah, the Alien xenomorph, complete with a li'l snapping alien inside his mouth. Just what every little girl wants, right?

It was all horror, all the time -- with some breaks for The Facts of Life and Matchbox cars. I saw and read about so many movies in the pages of various monster magazines... but there are some that burned themselves right into my brain and remain there to this day. Here are the most influential horror flicks of my youth; some are still among my favorites, while others are now all but unwatchable. Regardless, they gave me an education and helped solidify my love of the genre.

The Amityville Horror
Though I now laugh at Jody, the giant purple pig with the glowing red eyes, he was once the stuff of my nightmares. Flies, bleeding walls, vomiting nuns -- this movie's got it all!

Continue reading "Stacie Ponder - 15 Horror Movies That Made Me a Monster Kid" »

I've talked about microbudget/D.I.Y. horror movies before and recommended a few titles worth checking out. Sometimes, though, it's not enough to sit around on your duff watching films made by other people. Sometimes you're struck by a fit of creativity and you've just gotta dance dance dance! Wait, I don't mean dance -- I mean make your own backyard masterpiece.

Believe me, I know that feeling well; in the last year I've made seven short movies, seven fake trailers and one feature, each on a shoestring budget. Actually, "shoestring" might be too generous. The money I spent on all those projects combined probably wouldn't buy a 20-year-old used car. But I've learned an awful lot making them movies, and today I'm going to impart some wisdom. Because as you know, I care!

Continue reading "Stacie Ponder - Five Rules for Making Your Own Low-Budget Horror Flick" »

Before the advent of "torture porn," slasher movies were generally considered the lowest rung on the horror ladder. There are plenty of die-hard genre fans who are quick to blurt "...but I'm not into slashers!" when speaking of their love of scary movies. But not me: I love 'em, and I always have. Sometimes they're good for a genuine scare (Halloween, My Bloody Valentine). Sometimes they're good for a laugh (Slaughter High). And sometimes they're just plain awesome for featuring the most ridiculous, ludicrous and fabulous death sequences you'll ever see. As you probably know, Mr. Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th fame can fill a "creative kills" list all by himself. But he's by no means the only slasher movie killer who thinks outside the box when offing horny teens. The usual "knife, knife; stab, stab" shenanigans are way too milquetoast for the wackadoos in these horror flicks.

Black Christmas
Barb (Margot Kidder), the foul-mouthed boozehound of ill-fated Pi Kappa Sigma sorority, is killed with a crystal unicorn she displays next to her bed. What else is there to say about that besides "killed with a crystal unicorn"?

Continue reading "Stacie Ponder - Drop the Knife! Celebrating the Most Creative Kills in Slasher Movie History" »

Way back when I was a doe-eyed innocent living at home, one way my parents and I would engage in "family bonding" was over horror movies. My mom and I would hit up New England Home Video and bring back some delightful tape that was sure to melt our brains as we sat in the living room munching on snacks. Though that particular video store is long gone, my parents and I continue the tradition and engage in scary movie madness whenever I'm home. It wasn't until the Internet was born and I was able to connect with other genre fans that I learned that the Ponders weren't the only ones who spent quality time together this way -- most of my cyberpals say that they too were introduced to horror by mom and/or dad.

Plenty of families in horror movies partake in activities that bring them closer together, too. Of course, these activities usually involve murder, mayhem and madness. Here are ten cinematic families I sincerely hope do not resemble your own.

10. Kiss Daddy Goodbye
Telepathic/telekinetic twins reanimate their dead dad and enlist him as a sort of zombie bodyguard; he protects them from skanky bikers and well-intentioned social workers alike. This fairly dreadful flick is mostly notable because it features performances by former teen idol Fabian and Texas Chainsaw Massacre alumna Marilyn Burns -- otherwise it's an entirely "so bad it's good" affair.

Continue reading "Stacie Ponder - In Horror, Families That Slay Together Stay Together" »

Any good "-ploitation" movie should skirt the lines of taste, and blaxploitation flicks oblige, vacillating between the racism of perpetuating stereotypes and the empowerment inherent in minority actors seizing the spotlight. Knowing that the writers, producers and directors of blaxploitation movies were overwhelmingly white just adds to the confusion, and it can make for some uneasy moments: "Gee, an afro-ed, leather jacket-clad Pam Grier gettin' her vigilante on and blowing away bad guys is great! Oh, right, but all the other black characters are hookers, drug-addicts and thugs."

That said, blaxploitation movies were meant to be -- and are -- pure entertainment. And hey, if you're the type of scary movie fan who, you know, likes to be entertained, you should be thrilled to discover that blaxploitation has a horror division. Blaxploitation horror is, in essence, historically "white" horror seen through an urban filter: Sometimes the plots are paper-thin; sometimes they touch upon themes relevant to the "black experience" of the 1970s. More often than not, they're uncomfortably entertaining. Here are a few notable entries in the genre.

Continue reading "Stacie Ponder - Blaxploitation Movies Brought Horror to the Hood" »