In any tournament, the Final Four is a round of celebration. If you made it to this point, you're good and you know it. Some contestants are just happy to have made it that far, others see their semifinal match as simply an obstacle on the way to a destined, glorious championship. We started with sixteen of the greatest monster hunters in the history of movies and TV, and now twelve of those are off the island (hopefully ramping up for a sequel or a remake).

As for the four that remain, a quartet of the most effective monster hunters in the known universe, let's take a look at how they got here:

Buffy Summers (No. 1) vs. Ellen Ripley (No. 5)
If you want some versatility, it's tough to beat Buffy. She slays all kinds of easily-bested beasties. Thanks to the endless online army of Buffy fangirls and fanboys, she knocked out a game River Tam from Firefly/Serenity, then bitch-slapped her old beau, Angel, with more than four times the votes to move into the Final Four.

Ripley''s monster-fighting prowess brought her an easy first-round win against Blade, and a minor second-round upset against No. 4 seed Van Helsing. The star of Alien, Aliens, Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection, Ripley took the wife-beater/machine gun look to heights not seen since Rambo took up residence in the local trailer park.

But let's be honest here, folks. Ripley has about as much chance of making it past this encounter as grandma's turkey has of making it past the Thanksgiving family dinner in one piece. Sure, even if Uncle Jimmy doesn't show up and take both legs for himself (the selfish bastard), that holiday bird is goin' down.

Continue reading "Scott Sigler - Monster Hunter Tournament: The Final Four" »

If ever there was a shot an upset, this is it.

Hellboy made short work of Alice from Resident Evil, getting two votes to every one she got, but this win could be deceptive -- Hellboy had the lowest number of votes of any first-round winner. In fact, his Round 2 opponents, the Ghostbusters, actually got more winning votes in their victorious battle against Mulder & Sculley from the X-Files.

What's that math spell? Well, if math can actually spell anything, it would spell potential U-P-S-E-T (and probably U-P-S-E-T-3.14159265 because Math is a smart-ass like that and wants to show how smart he is and blow the curve for the rest of us, but just wait until recess, Math, because you're going to get a wedgie like you can't believe)!

Can the Ghostbusters knock off Big Red? Big Red is the King of Horror Hill right now, sure, but the Ghostbusters have been doing it longer and have the higher monster body count. So who's the better monster hunter? It's a toss-up, this is where the voting gets really tricky. Think, Dear Reader, think!

To see where your favorite monster hunters are seeded in this round, click here.

One has been killing monsters since 1981 and is a cult figure of the highest status. The other wears painted-on leather suits and appeals to the baser instincts of fanboys throughout the world. Neither broke a sweat against their Round 1 challengers (the Frog Brothers and Doctor Who, respectively). Truly, this is a match made in heaven.

Ash slays monsters on Earth and in multiple planes of existence. He slays them today, he slays them in the past, and, God willing (please please please Sam Raimi please, please make a fourth Evil Dead movie!) he will slay them in the future. He can make weapons, he can use weapons at hand, he can even make a hand that's a weapon. He's a BAD ASS in all-caps.

Selene is quite the challenger. She's got guns, she's got ammo... in fact, she looks like she should be on the cover of Guns & Ammo holding an AK-17 and wearing a leather bikini. She's got speed, strength and she sleeps with werewolves. Sure, I know she's a vampire, but still... sleeps with werewolves. That spells T-O-U-G-H.

So Selene, is your catsuit ready? Ash, is your mechanical hand and boom-stick ready?

To see where your favorite monster hunters are seeded in this round, click here.

And now we get down to the nitty-gritty. Sure, Van Helsing won a convincing Round One match against Nada from They Live, but that character was a one-hit wonder, not the massive monster-mashing franchise that is Ellen Ripley of Alien fame. This Round Two match-up pits specialization against generalization. Ripley kills aliens. That's it, and that's all. Van Helsing kills all kinds of monsters.

Tale of the Tape:
• Strength: Ripley (she's part alien now... I know, I know, unbelievably stupid plotline, but it's on film, so it is what it is).
• Weaponry: Van Helsing (His gadgety stuff gives him the edge, anyone can point and fire a gun).
• Longevity: Van Helsing has been doin' it, doin' it, and doin' it well for longer than Ripley, although she's been doin' it, doin' it and doin' it real well since 1979.
• One liners: Ripley ("Get away from her, you b---h!") hands down.
• Confusing emotional attachments with monsters they wind up killing: Tied.

It's a toss-up, folks. Judging by first-round voting, Van Helsing has the edge, but that's why we fight the battles.

To see where your favorite monster hunters are seeded in this round, click here.

Ah, fate, thy sting is the sting of things that fly and... well... get all stingy and such. OK, Shakespeare I'm not, but the irony here is so delicious you could roll it in a breakfast burrito and knock it back with a Super Mega Grande, or whatever the suits at Starbucks have decided name a "large" these days. But I digress ...

Buffy and Angel, sittin' in a tree. The forbidden love of a vampire hunter and a vampire. However, this time their fight isn't with words, nor is it with stakes and swords -- this time, it's about monster-hunting prowess. This is one of the best tales of the tape this tournament has to offer.

Hit TV show? Check for both. Supporting cast of monster hunters? Check for both. Super strength? Check. Saved the world, multiple times? You know it. A pile of monster corpses and vamp dust so big you could fill up all of John McCain's houses? Yeppers. These cats are as evenly matched as possible, with practically identical monster-hunting histories (and, err... identical plotlines, and supporting casts, and love interests .... but I digress...).

Buffy, are you ready? Angel, are you ready? Let's get it on!

To see where your favorite monster hunters are seeded in this round, click here.

The first round of the Master Monster Hunter Tournament is in the books. The ink is dry on the tournament bracket, the blood has been mopped up and the vampire dust has been swept into neat piles. Out of our Sweet Sixteen competitors, half are relegated to the webpages of history, and we are left with the Great Eight.

There was a notable lack of surprises in Round One. No major upsets, no big names slayed by little names. The only potential shocker was a run by River Tam of Firefly and Serenity, who took an early lead against Buffy Summers. That's right, the Buffy Summers. Then, of course, the Whedonites came in droves and put an end to that wee little rebellion. Those Whedonites were confused at first, startled and a bit frightened by two Whedon hotties head-to-head. "Fix!" they screamed. "We see what you're trying to pull!" they shouted. "Rabble-Rabble!" they called (but only the ones who had been watching a South Park marathon).

No, my poor oppression-minded Whedon fans, your delusions of persecution are sorely misguided. River brought out very few votes in the nomination round. Therefore, she got the lowest seed, and therefore, she went up against the wrecking ball that is Buffy. The Buffster rolled up the highest Round One total: At the time of this post, she had more than 1,900 votes -- twice that of the next-highest vote-getter, Ash of The Evil Dead franchise. (And in case you're wondering, those Frog brothers didn't even crack 300.)

The first round ran surprisingly free of drama or controversy (not counting the Whedonites' collective persecution complex), but Round Two is guaranteed to create a serious dust-up. Let's take a peek at these most awesome matchups. Winners move on, losers get flushed.

Continue reading "Master Monster Hunter Tournament - Round One Ends; Quarterfinals Begin" »

One's hot as hell, one's hot 'cause he's from hell. It's Alice from Resident Evil putting her monster-slaying skills head-to-head against those of devilish demon Hellboy. Big Red seems to have a clear edge here, in size, weaponry and in the monster trophies mounted in his rumpus room. Sure, Alice has a collection of handmade zombie-skull beer mugs, but Hellboy has a giant Cthulhu thing and a forest god trussed up like matching fourteen-point bucks.

How can Alice compete with that? You mean, besides the semi-revealing outfits, the sexy sneer, the arsenal of weaponry and a gymastic-like ability to throw knockout blows from any angle? How about because she's got three movies to Hellboy's two?

Alice is no pushover, folks, but she's up against it -- Hellboy is in his monster-hunter prime.

To see where your favorite monster hunters are seeded in the tournament, click here.

There are a lot of people in the ring for this showdown -- four Ghostbusters and two federal agents. Peter, Ray, Egon and Winston don't mess around. They joke around (it is a comedy) but they don't mess around. While there were only two movies about the Ghostbusters, it's difficult to count the number of monsters they locked up during the five-year animated series. Name the monster, they lit it up with proton packs and charged a hefty fee for the service.

But while the Ghostbusters were paid per job, Mulder and Scully toiled away for government wages. Two movies and an animated series for the Ghostbusters? Try six seasons of The X-Files and a pair of (really awful) feature films. That's a lot of vestigial tails and freak-show creepies, people. Both sides must have a massive backlog of monster-hunting paperwork to document all the critters they caught (Ghostbusters) or didn't catch (The X-Files), but which one will triumph when they meet up head-to-head?

To see where your favorite monster hunters are seeded in the tournament, click here.

Is a rockin' bod in a leather catsuit going to draw attention away from pure monster-hunting prowess? Yeah, probably. When it comes to looks, you can't top Selene from the Underworld movies. She slays vamps, she slays werewolves, she slays pesky humans who dare to resist her dominatrix-inspired visage. Short answer: She's badass.

But her opponent is no pushover. This is Dr. Freakin' Who. Try a monster-hunting career that began in 1963. That's right, 45 years of messin' up Daleks, Cybermen, and more miscellaneous beasties than you'd find in Chinese plastic toy factory. Sure, Selene is a vampire, she's already undead and that makes her hard to destroy -- but Dr. Who has been regenerated ten times. Destroy him if you can, or he'll just come back as another mid-list actor. Selene, are you ready? Dr. Who, are you ready? Let's get it on!

To see where your favorite monster hunters are seeded in the tournament, click here.

The man, the myth, the legend, the Ash of Evil Dead fame -- up against the Frog Brothers? Seems like a no-brainer, a done deal, like two Frog Brothers will get stuffed in one cheap pine box and buried in a shallow grave, only to rise again as skeletons... so Ash can destroy them a second time.

But nothing is a sure deal in this brutal tourney. Can the Frog Brothers pull an upset? That's a tall order. Sure, these Lost Boys icons own a comic book shop, and sure, their bathing habits are probably often called into question, but face facts -- they've killed a couple of vampires. That's it. Not much of a resume compared to Ash's.

Ash drops the Boom Stick on any monster that moves: Vampires, skeletons, undead in general, flying gargoyles, severed animated hands and even his girlfriend (but in his defense, she did get real ugly). Clearly, the star of Evil Dead, Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness is the hands-on favorite. But stranger things have happened...

To see where your favorite monster hunters are seeded in the tournament, click here.