When it comes to quoting horror movie dialogue, there's a thin line between clever and stupid. It's all in the timing: Randomly firing off quips -- or worse, monologues -- is a one-way ticket to social Siberia. But choose your line and your moment wisely, and you'll be hailed as the pope of of pop-culture parrying. So leave Shakespeare to the brainiacs (though that guy could really turn a phrase) and arm yourself with these comebacks, put downs and zingers, handpicked from eight decades of scary movies. Oh, and no funny voices, except where otherwise noted.

1. "Who died and made you f--king king of the zombies?" (Shaun of the Dead, 2004)
Best. Put down. Ever. Need to take some smug, bossy, would-be leader of the pack down a peg? Wait and beat, lob this little number into the conversation and sit back. The ensuing laughter will shrivel that outsized ego to the size of fly dirt.

Continue reading "The Top Ten Most Quotable Horror-Movie Quotes" »

You know horror movies. We know horror movies. You love horror movies. We love horror movies. You love lists. Well, we have lists (and they're lists that you can rank).

Everyone knows The Shining, Carrie, and Misery are stellar fright flicks, but how do they stand in relation to each other? Rank Stephen King's movies here.

What's the crème de la crème of classic monster movies? Is it Frankenstein; Godzilla, King of the Monsters; or The Blob? Rank your favorite monsters here.

Is Interview with the Vampire better than Bram Stoker's Dracula? Where do The Lost Boys fit in? You can rank your favorite vampire movies here.

We're always adding new lists for fright flicks, so come back any time. There's always something new. Check out our full list of horror-movie lists here.

There's something captivating about the werewolves. They are mindless, savage monsters, and yet, most days of the year, still human. Some, such as Lucian from Underworld, are political activists. Some, like the Teen Wolf, are just geeks under all the hair. And still others struggle to get themselves out of their situation, like the original Wolf Man. Which of these eight distinct wolf-men has what it takes to bite and claw their way to victory?

Edward Cullen is a handsome, handsome dude. And if you're read Twilight, you're reminded of that about five times per page, on every page of the book. He charms the ladies, that's fo 'sho, but here's one wee slip of a girl that just might be immune.

And in this corner, weighing in at about 100 pounds soaking wet in pig's blood, we have Carrie White (Carrie). This legendary lil' cupcake is just the kind of awkward, teenage girl that has pumped millions into the coffers of Twilight author Stephanie Meyers. (Or she was that kind of girl, before she went wacko with the mental powers and slaughtered everyone at the prom.)

But now there is more to this story than boy-kills-girl or girl-kills boy -- we have the dust-up created by Carrie author, Stephen King, regarding the writing ability of Meyers.  These comments are largely harmless, just King's take on the fact that you don't always need to be skilled in the nuts-and-bolts of "good writing" in order to tell a story that entertains people, but they've created a bit of an online furor.

So, if you're part of the ongoing Stephanie Meyers backlash, this is your chance to put a stake in the heart of her main character. And, if you're one of the swooning masses pining away for an Edward to walk into your life, strike back at one of King's classic characters, Carrie. Edward, are you ready? Carrie, are you ready? Let's get it on!

Oh, what a delightful underdog run this kid has had. The name is Crenshaw. Sean, Crenshaw. Erstwhile leader of The Monster Squad, the lad who once coached a fellow Squadmember to defeat the Wolfman by kicking him in the nards. And that advice proved rather sage in Round 1, when Crenshaw surprised No. 5 seed Scott Howard from Teen Wolf. Crenshaw kept that momentum rolling, notching an absolute shocker of an upset by defeating No. 4 seed Hermione Granger (Harry Potter). He dusted that magical schoolgirl to take his place in the semifinals. Who could stop him now?

Hermione's best friend, that's who.

The No. 1 seed, the 800-pound gorilla in the supernatural teen world, Harry Potter himself. That's who. Harry is none too happy about this upstart Crenshaw knocking his girl out of the tournament. After all, The Monster Squad was a one-off, little-known movie from 1987 that has grossed a whopping six million in the past 20 years. The Potter films, on the other hand, have grossed upwards of $4.5 billion. Potter topped River Tam (Serenity) in the opening round, then edged out Damien Thorn (Omen II) in the quarterfinals. Now, he faces Crenshaw.

Can Crenshaw's wild ride carry him into the finals, or will Harry get some vengance for his girl (you did her wrong, Crenshaw!). Sean, are you ready? Harry, are you ready? For a trip to the championship match, let's get it on!

Another chapter closes in our Greatest Supernatural Teen Tournament. The big news: Sean Crenshaw (Monster Squad) registered a shocking upset, besting Harry Potter heroine Hermione Granger. A lowly No. 12 seed, Crenshaw registered a first-round surprise win over No. 5 seed Scott Howard from Teen Wolf. We had written him off for dead against the J.K. Rowling juggernaut character of Hermoine, the No. 4 seed. Well surprise, surprise, surprise, Crenshaw comes out on top again, and is ready to face top-ranked Harry Potter.

Continue reading "Scott Sigler - Greatest Supernatural Teen Tournament: Welcome to the Final Four" »

Whoa. That's all I would say, but I have to say more since AMC would withhold my check if I start posting single-word columns. Why "whoa?" Because Carrie White (Carrie) notched the most lopsided win in the history of AMC tournaments, racking up over 1,000 votes against her Round 1 opponent, Ginger Fitzgerald (Ginger Snaps), who barely topped 100 votes. A 10-to-1 beatin'? Yeah, whoa indeed.

So now Carrie prepares to dump that telekinitic ten-gallon bucket of whoop-ass down from the rafters and onto the head of her Round 2 foe, Regan MacNeil from The Exorcist. Regan also notched an easy first-round win with a 2-to-1 victory over Nancy Thompson of Nightmare on Elm Street fame. It's Carrie's mental powers up against the demonic, puke-shootin' skills of Regan in a battle to reach the semifinals.

Carrie, are you ready? Regan, are you ready? Let's get it on!

Vampires have a long, storied history in horror... and the key word here is horror, as in, bad people who do bad things. You know, scary. Something has happened to our vampires in the past decade, something rather disturbing -- the horror is gone! Replaced by romance! Vampires who don't kill!

So here, Dear Reader, is your chance to cast your vote for the past or the present (I don't really want to think of the future, the way things are going). In one corner, you have tradition -- David from The Lost Boys. David is suave and handsome. Ladies want him and men want to be him -- right up to the point where he tears out throats and bathes in human blood. And in the other corner, we've got Edward Cullen from Twilight. The leading man in the new category I've dubbed "Smoochie-Pants Vamps." You know, the romantic undead with morals and what-not.

So it comes down to this -- are you a traditionalist? Like your vampires evil and deadly? Or do you prefer the dreamboat vampire that passes you sweet notes in history class? David, are you ready? Edward, are you ready? Let's get it on!

She's a schoolgirl, she's a witch and she notched a Round 1 win over Donnie Darko. Who is she? She's Hermione Granger, friend to Harry Potter and bringer of magical whoop-ass. She's also the leading lady in one of the the world's biggest movie franchises, so what will it take to stop her? Why, it would take a giant killer, someone like Sean Crenshaw of The Monster Squad.

Crenshaw found out that, yes, the Wolfman does have nards, and Crenshaw knocked those nards out of the park thanks for a Round 1 upset over Teen Wolf's Scott Howard. The Michael J. Fox pedigree didn't matter against the nard-knocking Crenshaw. Can the leader of the Monster Squad transfer his baddie-stomping skills from werewolves and apply them to witches?

Crenshaw, are you ready? Granger, are you ready? Let's get it on!

The battle of the schoolboys! Clearly, no one wants either of these kids. Pack 'em up, ship 'em off to boarding school (and/or wacky magic school, and/or military school). So we've got the 800-pound gorilla of the supernatural teen world, the billionaire-creating Harry Potter. He's the big man on campus -- is there anyone who can stand up to his power and popularity? Well, how about the son of Satan?

If anyone can give Potter a run for his money, it's Damien from The Omen II. Spell for spell? Curse for curse? Harry won his first-round battle against River Tam by garnering over 900 votes, while Damien wasn't far behind as he collected almost 900 en route to a first-round win over the Toxic Avenger.

So it's schoolboy vs. schoolboy. Harry, are you ready? Damien, are you ready? Let's get it on!