Scott Sigler - Run... Run for Your Life! The Orphans Are Here!
Just what the world needs: A cautionary tale about adoption. No, I'm not talking about Madonna or Angelina Jolie: I'm talking about the horror-thriller Orphan, which hits movie screens tomorrow.
The powers that be kept a tight lid on pre-release plot details, but the movie tells the tale of Kate and John Coleman, who lose their baby to a miscarriage and adopt a 9-year-old girl to fill the hole in their hearts. This being a horror flick, the wee lass is not all she appears to be. The trailer (see it here) kicks ass and hints at intellectual horror with an unguessable twist -- I mean, come on: Could it really be a cut-and-dried case of little Esther is an evil brat hell-bent on taking out anyone she dislikes? Doubtful.
In any event, Esther is hardly the first scary orphan on the block... not by a long shot. See if you remember these "sugar and slice, she'll cut you twice" movies.Samara Morgan, The Ring (2002)
What list of murderous orphans would be complete without the lovely Samara Morgan? Adopting this kid. Bad call, Ripley, bad call. And sealing her away in a back attic of the barn? Also a bad call. Look, the first time my kid puts evil mental projections into my family movies, it's infanticide time. Yes, there is a justification, and behaving like Samara is one of them.
David, Screamers (1995)
Peter Weller (Robocop) plays a grizzled Colonel in this far-future scifi tale of Von Neumann devices gone haywire. Don't know what a Von Neumann device is? Well Phillip K. Dick did -- he wrote the story upon which the movie was based -- but let's not digress into lightyear-spanning, self-replicating robot technology. Let's stay on point, the point being dangerous orphans. The little stray boy here is, of course, not what he appears; in fact, that might be the understatement of the century. Fun scifi flick, even if it doesn't pay much attention to plausible science. You like mechanical monsters and blood? Rent it.
Rynn Jacobs, The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane (1976)
Jodie Foster and Martin Sheen team up for this psychological thriller that leaves you guessing just how evil this little girl might be. She doesn't start out as an orphan, but becomes one due to some tasty cups of cyanide-laced tea.
All the kids on the island, Who Can Kill a Child? (1976)
Seems the American bicentennial was a bad year to be a parent. First Jodie Foster makes you drink some souped-up killer tea, then a couple takes a vacation to an island full of child killers. No, wait, the children are the killers, so while they are "child killers," they are more aptly named as "adult killers." Also known as "The Island of the Damned" or the original Spanish-language title "Quien puede matar a un nino," this is akin to an early Children of the Corn only with more guns and less He Who Walks Beneath the Rows.
Malachai, Children of the Corn (1984)
Did I just mention this flick? Hell yes, I did. Perhaps it's not high-grade cinematic art, but it's a hot time for small town orphans. Why are they orphans? Because they killed their parents. Some with a meat slicer, which is particularly nasty. The movie kicked out one of my all-time favorite horror quotes: "He wants you too, Malachai ... he wants you too." Damn! When that line is delivered? Just shudder-ville.
Adopt! Adopt!
Please, don't let this list of flicks dissuade you. Adopting is a very cool thing to do. Honest. But, a few caveats. Make sure your prospective family member a) is not a card-carrying member of the NRA, b) does not quote his or her own, freshly written scripture, c) comes wandering in out of a nuked-out, wasted warzone holding a teddy bear, d) likes tea parties ... a lot, or d) dumps her thoughts onto your old VHS copy of Who's the Boss.
If the child covers any or all of the above, perhaps it's time to consult a fertilization specialist instead.
New York Times best-selling author Scott Sigler writes tales of hard-science horror, then gives them away as free audiobooks at www.scottsigler.com. His novel INFECTED was named as the Border's #1 mystery, thriller and horror novel for 2008. His latest hardcover, CONTAGIOUS is in stores now. If you don't agree with what Scott says in this blog, post a note in the comments section below. Please include all relevant personal information, such as your address and what times you are not home, so Scott can come visit and show you his world famous Chicken Scissors."
Don't forget Bonnie, from The Godsend (both a novel and a surprisingly faithful film adaptation). Her mother abandoned her to the Marlowe family out in the country, after they put her up for the night. Just split in the middle of the night without a trace and left an infant. The Marlowes took the infant in, raising them as their own child. Over the years, little Bonnie goes all human cuckold chick on the Marlowes, and takes out their 4 biological kids in "innocent" mishaps that make her look completely blameless.
She smothers the youngest child.Bonnie claims she held him until he went to sleep, thenShe's young at this point and hasn't learned to be all ninja-like yet. She gets better. MUCH better. So good, in fact, that inspite of damning evidence, Mrs. Marlowe keeps rebutting with "She's ONLY a CHILD! Only a MONSTER would have done what you're suggesting!!" That's right: Chelsea Jewel the 1st is playing papa, making him seem unstable mentally. More on that when we get to how Lucy Marlowe gets offed.
A few months later the next youngest male appears to have fallen off a small seaside cliff that had an edge overgrown with tall weeds, concealing the drop (looks like he ran off without noticing the edge...until Mr. Marlowe notices Bonnie's sundress has a bit of fabric missing from a sleeve, and noticed their dead son was clutching said piece of fabric when they found his body. The fabric "somehow" disappeared after Bonnie heard her adopted parents discussing it...Bonnie is later spotted by dad retrieving the fabric from behind a bookcase, clenching it in her fist, then hiding it again. Mom thinks Dad's losing it at this point). Dad by now is telling the kids to haul ass back to the presence of their parents if Bonnie starts "acting strangely" when they're alone with her.
The next son, 13 year old Peter seems to have fallen from the family's hayloft, managing to get his neck caught in a loop of rope on the way down. Huh. Guess who was with him. A bruise and several scratches are found on Bonnie's chin and arms after the incident...Bonnie only cries and won't answer as to how she got them. Slick little monster, isn't she? Mom, being naive, says Peter must have tried to grab Bonnie to prevent himself from falling, but she was too weak to help him. Dad says it looks like he tried to keep her away from him, and backed off the loft. Dad, pissed at the loss of his last male child (and mom's siding with Bonnie who is now looking at him behind mom's back with a burning hatred, her crying act forgotten), slaps her. Mom gets a separation, takes their surviving daughter Lucy, and hauls ass to the city. He's allowed to call and talk to his daughter, and Lucy says Bonnie just stares at her, and follows her everywhere. She's AFRAID of the kid. Dad tells her to NEVER under any circumstances be alone with her.
After a few days, mommy and daddy Marlowe talk things out, and dad re-joins the family. About a month later, poor little Bonnie comes down with mumps...and sterilized her dad "accidentally" (she heard what mumps can do to grown men who've never been exposed). Dad is pissed...but that's cool. He maintains. Could just have been an accident. Lucy is almost killed in an incident with a fold-out ironing board, but dad intervenes. He snaps, blames Bonnie, and is kicked out again.While he's gone, mom decides go see him and arrange for a split, permanent like. Lucy calls and interrupts, and tells dad she's getting real creeped out by Bonnie's behavior. Here's how it went down:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0DtQMM-1IE&feature=related
This summer (1980)...EVIL. IS. BLONDE.
Rhio2k: Without a doubt, that is the longest, most extensive blog comment in the history of mankind. And Bonnie? That little cupcake is freaking me right out.
Nice, I must say I have always loved horror movies but to have great movies laid out, and some that I haven't seen before is very nice.
Great blog post again sigler, will have to add to que on netflix!
-Carnie
Carnie: Thanks! Glad you're digging it. There are some truly sneaky horror films out there that -- even if you know they are going to be bad -- you just have to see.
'Village of the Damned' could probably throw in some useful titbits.
First off don't trust any child in a film adapted from a John Wyndham novel.
But more importantly if your village suffers a mass coma while at a BBQ, then all the lady folk become simultaneously pregnant and have identical looking children who pair up and kill things with their minds..... then the only real form of punishment that should be administered is to take off and nuke the planet from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.