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Scott Sigler - Let the Greatest Supernatural Teen Tournament Begin

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Last week we sought nominations for the Greatest Supernatural Teen Tournament. You, Dear Reader, pitched in with some fantastic suggestions. We at AMCtv.com have processed these suggestions through our patented Fighter Filter™, and with that high-tech, very scientific tool, produced the sixteen contestants.

So, how does the Fighter Filter™ work? Well, I proudly take the cop-out of every "leading edge" and "industry standard" corporate salesman out there -- it's proprietary. That fancy-pants talk for "I can't tell you." What I can tell you is that the Fighter Filter™ produced a serious lineup, and here we go:

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No. 16: River Tam (Serenity)
Yeah, she was also the sixteenth seed for the Greatest Monster Hunter Tournament. Unfortunately, she ran headlong into the eventual champion, Buffy Summers. Summers, coincidentally, didn't make this tourney, mostly because it had to be someone from a movie and not a TV show. But River has been featured in both formats, not to mention she has borderline supernatural telepathic abilities. What can you do with it this time, girl?

No. 15: Lydia (Beetlejuice)
Is she supernatural? Well, she's all kinds of Goth, so that gets her halfway there. She lives with the Ghost with the Most, and that gets her even closer, -- close enough to warrant the fifteenth seed. Can Lydia's experience shacking up with Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice translate into enough supernatural street cred to notch up a few wins?

No. 14: Ginger (Ginger Snaps)
Dude, she's a full-on hottie werewolf. In a land of supernatural teens rife with sappy, overly dramatic Sad Panda vampires, Ginger is in. If you haven't seen Ginger Snaps, it's a fantastic indie horror flick, definitely worth a queue-up in your Netflix. So with the  fourteenth seed, we have it all: She's supernatural, a teen -- and deadly.

No. 13: Donnie Darko (Donnie Darko)
Ever hear the saying "that kid has issues?" Well, that kid is Donnie Darko. You'd be messed up, too, if you were dealing with plummeting jet engines, on-again/off-again psycho meds and some dude in a funky bunny suit. It's hard to even explain this movie -- suffice to say, Donnie could have an endless bag of tricks in that messed-up melon of his, enough to do proper battle in this teenage showdown.

No. 12: Sean Crenshaw (The Monster Squad)
Is Sean supernatural? No. Does he whoop supernatural ass? Hell yes. He's in the frickin' Monster Squad -- you feel me on that? This is a tournament filled with supernatural monsters, and here's a teenager who's gone toe-to-toe with Dracula, the Wolfman, Frankenstein and probably a bunch of also-rans Sean didn't bother to put in the fine print of his resume.

No. 11: Nancy Thompson (A Nightmare on Elm Street)
How many people have gone head-to-head with Freddy Kreuger and lived? Hint: It's not a big number. You don't need a crib sheet from the geeky math whiz to pass that pop quiz. Nancy is a Dream Warrior. 'Nuff said, she's in.

No. 10: Sarah Bailey (The Craft)
Hello, welcome to your first day at Witch High School, USA. Meet Sarah Bailey, witch-to-be, then witch-in-training. And you thought high school girls were catty enough without supernatural powers? Aside from the much-appreciated plethora of Goth schoolgirl outfits, there's actually a decent (if familiar) plot to this witchy coming-of-age flick. Sarah can hold her own, and she's a fighter to watch in this game.

No. 9: Melvin Ferd (The Toxic Avenger)
OK, I'll admit it, we couldn't confirm Melvin's age. But come on -- a scrawny kid, bullied by his coworkers, who is pushed so far he comes back as the Law Givah? He's a janitor, a job you can get at eighteen. So while we can't confirm age, he's the freakin' Toxic Avenger. Big, green, muscular, kills bad guys: Sold!

No. 8: Damien (Damien: Omen II)
He was a kid in the first Omen, but in the sequel that kid became a teenager. Who sends the damn son of Satan to military school? People who don't like military schools, that's who. Old Scratch Jr. is a dangerous foe, to say the least.

No. 7: David (The Lost Boys)
The leader of the teenage vampire clan from The Lost Boys is a bad mamma-jamma. It's Kiefer Sutherland in his pre- "TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS" days, but even back then he was a badass. A badass that could fly, crush a skull with one hand, make you hallucinate and then drink your blood. Let's see Jack Bauer do that.

No. 6: Regan (The Exorcist)
Her head spins around, she crawls in a reverse crab, and she target-vomits split-pea soup with more accuracy than a frat pledge in the final week of hazing. Done deal.

No. 5: Scott Howard (Teen Wolf)
He has fur and makes dunks that would send Kobe back to the schoolyard for more training. He's a teenage werewolf, yo, and although he's way more campy than Ginger (see above), there's no denying this Michael J. Fox character hit the big screens hard.

No. 4: Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)
When it comes to supernatural teens, it's hard to top the Harry Potter series. So much, in fact, J.K. Rowling's little darlings have two in the top four. You can probably guess the other contestant. And no, you don't get extra credit. Hermione is a powerful teenage witch, and she's got the skills to go far in this affair. 

No. 3: Carrie White (Carrie)
I'm older and wiser than most of you, so here's a little hint to make you a happier, healthier person -- don't drop a bucket of pig's blood on a telepath with adolescent issues. It's a bad call. The adaptation of this classic Stephen King novel scared plenty, and Carrie has the supernatural superpowers to take it all if the prom night lights line up just so.

No. 2: Edward Cullen (Twilight)
Nothing like a dreamy teen vampire boy to set the female hearts aflutter. Stephanie Meyer's supernatural phenomenon Twilight series put Edward up on the big screen, and a million sighing teenage girls validated the effort. The hottest horror movie, from the hottest horror book, among a segment of the culture that lives online? This cat is primed to take the title, if only he can beat that other supernatural teen literary juggernaut ...

No. 1: Harry Potter (Harry Potter)
Meyers has made an awfully big pile of cash from her Twilight books. If she was to put all that money together and buy a house in J.K. Rowling's neighborhood, it would be a tiny, one-bedroom hovel. Who am I kidding? Nothing is for sale in Rowling's neighborhood, because she bought the whole neighborhood, and the fifteen closest ones around it. The books? The movies? Monster blockbuster smashes, one and all. Harry is the kid to beat, and he'll lay more than one smackdown with that stylish wand.

Let's Get It On!
We'll be back tomorrow with the first-round match-ups, allowing you to cast your votes in this single-elimination battle. The prime fight? First seed Harry Potter versus sixteenth seed River Tam. It's Rowling's minions against the Wheedonites, so tune in to watch the fun! And remember, Round 1 closes on Tuesday, January 27 so get to it!

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New York Times bestselling author Scott Sigler writes tales of hard-science horror, then gives them away as free audiobooks at www.scottsigler.com. His new novel, Contagious, hit bookstores on December 30 and is currently available. If you don't agree with what Scott says in this blog, please email him scott@scottsigler.com. Please include all relevant personal information, such as your address and what times you are not home, so Scott can come visit and show you his world famous "Chicken Scissors."

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Filed under: Polls and Games, Scott Sigler
Tags: a nightmare on elm street, beetlejuice, carrie, donnie darko, ginger snaps, harry potter, serenity, supernatural teen tournament, teen wolf, the craft, the exorcist, the lost boys, the monster squad, the omen, the toxic avenger, twilight

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i hope carrie eventually whoops harry potter

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