Horror Power Ranking - December 29, 2008
Ah, the holidays... It's a time for gathering your family around a roaring fire, and then tossing them in that fire to call forth your devil god. That is, if you're a character in my new screenplay, Home for the Horrordays. I'm taking offers, Hollywood. In case that doesn't work out for me, I've still got the Horror Power Ranking, and we've got some great stuff to look forward to in January, like My Bloody Valentine 3D, and The Unborn. We've also got some movies to be cautiously optimistic about, like The Thing remake. So let's get to it, and Happy Horrordays to all:
| Horror Power Rankings | ||||
| Rank | LW | Movie | ||
| 1 | 1 |  |
My Bloody Valentine 3D The fact that my wife turns to me every time we see a commercial for this movie, and says, "That's the best tagline of all time," despite the fact she never wants to watch horror movies, convinces me that this is gonna be huge. |
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| 2 | 2 |  |
The Unborn Yes, number one and two hold steady this week, but it's Christmas, so people aren't too interested in blood and guts. That being said, My Bloody Valentine is going to blast away the competition, but The Unborn looks like serious, fun horror. |
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| 3 | 6 |  |
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans Is it so wrong that the thought of vampires fighting werewolves, while talking to each other in arch, faux-olde english sounds like the perfect antidote to holiday cheer? Also, Bill Nighy is awesome in everything. |
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| 4 | - |  |
The Thing So you can get upset about Universal remaking John Carpenter's The Thing, or you can remember that The Thing was also a remake, of Howard Hawks' 1951 The Thing From Another World. So maybe this threemake will be even better? |
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| 5 | - |  |
Body Snatchers Apropos of remakes, since The Invasion (the fourth movie adaptation of Jack Finney's novel) was a huge failure, I started thinking about what would be next decade's take on the tale. I have some ideas, but I'm curious to see what you guys think... |
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| 6 | 4 |  |
Friday the 13th I'm starting to get worried that Jason may have peaked a little early. We haven't seen hide nor hair of the be-hockey masked killer in weeks. When you're more excited about a hypothetical remake of Body Snatchers, it's time to get things rolling. |
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| 7 | 8 |  |
Nightmare on Elm Street Speaking of getting things rolling, and also apropos of remakes, I'm anxious to hear what's going on with the Nightmare remake. It may be good, or bad, or even, but I'd just love to see some concept art. Make it happen, Hackers. |
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| 8 | - |  |
The Uninvited The other "The Un..." movie, The Uninvited opens three weeks after The Unborn, and given the incredible pedigree of The Unborn, and the, um, not so incredible pedigree of The Uninvited, I'm sure this movie will get uninvited from theaters. |
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| 9 | 5 |  |
Final Destination: Death Trip 3D It's surprising that I'm so excited for the 3D remake of My Bloody Valentine, and so unexcited for the always reliable Final Destination's latest entry, but I think it comes down to the marketing, and they're making this look bad. |
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| 10 | 9 |  |
New Moon The more we hear about Twilight, the more its sequel seems doomed. From fights on the set, to cocky young stars, to the ongoing director's seat scandal, this movie seems like it may be the biggest disaster of next year. |
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Lets see, Body Snatchers 2010? I could imagine the angle would be that a person's online avatar, be it Sims, or facebook, or myspace, or whatever would become more of an actual existence than a person's biological entity. It could become a world where computer relationships and contacts become the reality and a person's husk or empty shell sits in front of a computer screen and merely performs the necessary keystrokes to fulfil what the avatar desires. By degrees people would disappear from society but at the same time appearing more active and "alive" in a computerized context. The internet's ability to link people from all over the world into one collective intellect could transform the human experience into a series of calculated electrical impulses buzzing along so many power lines and micro chips. Not exactly sure where the horror slant is or how visually interesting this would be but that's my take on the new body snatchers. I think we may have become the aliens. Instead of getting you when you fall asleep, they get you when you sign on..
I think Stephenie Meyer may have covered the next generation of body snatchers in The Host--the body snatchers have taken over most of the earth, but some of the aliens are having a hard time controlling their hosts... falling in love with the guy their host was in love with. Then another guy falls in love with the alien and NOT the host, and they must find a way to remove the aliens from the hosts without killing the aliens, because now the humans have seen that the aliens aren't violent.
Hopefully it will get a bigger budget than the Twilight books.
And can we get some enthusiasm for Saw VI? After watching "Scream Queens" I'm psyched to see how Tinedra bites it. As well as how they will continue to milk this series, since Jigsaw died in the 3rd movie (after looking pretty much dead at the end of the 2nd as well).
If you want terrible sequels, I have three words for you-
MORTAL KOMBAT ANNIHILATION.
@David: Good idea with the Body Snatchers... I think whatever it is, the idea needs to be modernized, as Stepford Wife style conformity just doesn't cut it anymore.
@spoffk: Good point also... Given Twilight's success, I'd be surprised if we don't see an adaptation of that book. And I'd have more enthusiasm for Saw VI if the Saw movies weren't diminishing returns... Though I'll be at the theater like everyone else come October.
@LaDracul: But... They had giant rolling hamster balls that went through tunnels in the Earth! And Raiden got a haircut for no reason! That movie is great, you're wrong.
Actually, it's because of that film that I want James Remar's head on a pike.
That's a very Dracula thing for you to say, LaDracul.