Once upon a time, horror-movie fandom was a boys' club: no cootie-ridden girls allowed. But we've come a long way: today, every dark-and-scary night is ladies' night. Women make up a solid half of the audience for fright flicks, and we have our own favorite girls on film. Remember the thrill of seeing Halloween's Laurie Strode (the inimitable Jamie Lee Curtis), the Über-final-girl, stand up to the bogeyman (with a knitting needle)? Well, there's more where that came from.

Flick: The Descent (2005)
Chicks: Sarah (Shauna Macdonald) and Juno (Natalie Jackson Mendoza)
Why Chicks Love This Fright Flick: Take a pack of estrogen-fueled thrill-seekers, drop them in an unmapped cave somewhere in the Appalachian Mountains, unleash something super-nasty on them, and, rest assured, they won't run and scream: they'll bring it on. Even in this dude-free zone, Sarah has the final-girl look, and you love to hate Juno, the alpha bitch who gets them into one hell of a mess, then looks out for number one when the going gets tough. The Descent knows that women's friendships are complicated.

Flick: Ginger Snaps (2000)
Chick: Ginger Fitzgerald (Katharine Isabelle)
Why Chicks Love This Fright Flick: Sisters Ginger and Brigitte (Emily Perkins) aren't into girlie-girl games and don't buy into either the commercial crap about self-empowerment through slutty dressing or the touchy-feely Our Bodies, Ourselves celebration of female physiology. There's a bracing truth at the heart of the movie's wicked central joke -- that there's a reason the "curse" ebbs and flows with the moon. And the Fitzgerald girls' growing realization that becoming a woman is a series of scary trade-offs? We've been there.

Continue reading "The Top Ten Horror Flicks for Chicks " »

I've often walked out of the theater after seeing a horror flick and had a friend ask what I thought. If it was good, I usually reply, "That movie was frickin' sweet." But while many horror movies are sweet, few are actually about sweets. For the edification of good citizens everywhere, I've gathered some of these influential films into a list. Behold: I give you movies that star confectionery killers.

The Gingerdead Man (2005; watch the trailer)
What list of sweets-related horror flicks (and I'm sure there are many) would be complete without this phenomenal Gary Busey effort? In this cult classic, Gary voices a pissed-off, psychotic gingerbread cookie. No, I'm not making this up. But if I had been the guy who made it up, I could die a happy man.

Continue reading "Scott Sigler - Confectionery Killers Serve the Sweet Taste of Death" »

Hey, remember when we talked about great horror taglines and how the very best ones got you so excited you could hardly stand to wait to see the movie? And how they stick in your head even after the movie has faded? That was cool. But let's face it -- Mission Awesome Tagline doesn't always succeed. In fact, sometimes a tagline is so awful that the effect is the complete opposite of what was intended: it acts as a sort of audience repellent.

The art of the tagline is an arcane one, you see, and the reasons they can end up sucking are legion: they're dull, nonsensical, needlessly complicated, too wordy, or not wordy enough. In my book, the worst offenders are those that fall into the bad-pun category. Please, whoevever is responsible for these things, I beg you: no more bad puns! With these guidelines in mind, here are ten of the lousiest horror-movie taglines in history.

1. Psycho (1960): "A new -- and altogether different -- screen excitement!"
"Altogether different"? Please. That's a Monty Python joke, not a come-on.

Continue reading "Stacie Ponder - The Ten Worst Horror-Movie Taglines Ever" »

What's a guy to do when he skyrockets to fame by acing one of the most iconic and beloved roles in pop-culture history? If he's Daniel Craig, here's what not to do: consider starring in what looks to be a lame variation on one of the most overused horror-movie story lines of all time.

Okay, maybe it's not as bad as all that. Some haunted-house movies rule -- particularly if they unfold at 112 Ocean Avenue, Amityville, Long Island. But generally speaking, it takes more than a spat with stubborn supernatural tenants to get horror fans' juices flowing. Which is why the news that lavishly lauded Bond-guy Craig is considering the upcoming thriller Dream House went down like a lead balloon.

Continue reading "Web Stalker - Should Daniel Craig Just Say No to His Dream House? Fans Say Yes!" »

 

I can hear it now: Villagers with burning torches, stomping through the dark night to the castle, screaming "we demand a recount!" How could this have happened?

Number 14 seed Madeline Kahn, who played Elizabeth in Young Frankenstein, shocked the world by winning the Horror Brides Tournament championship despite her low ranking. Kahn laid down her wrath against the No. 1 seed and heavily favored Bride of Frankenstein. But while other rounds raked in as many as 400 to 500 votes, the final ended at just 51 votes -- 31 for Kahn, 20 for Bride of Frankenstein. The vote ran the scheduled 24 hours, just as the previous round did, and yet interested parties have already filed a protest. Don't change your Twitter icon to green just yet.

"It's a travesty," Frankenstein's monster said. "In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's a travishamockery. Everyone knows my Boo's fans are goth kids who don't even get out of bed until damn near midnight. By the time they finished putting on their mascara and ripping some fresh fishnets, it was all over. Yeah, my Boo started slow, but come on, that hair is streamlined -- she's built for a sprint to the finish."

This reporter confronted Frankenstein's monster about the fact that he has had relations with both Bride of Frankenstein, whom he did not marry, and his legal wife, Elizabeth, whom he did marry in Young Frankenstein. "My sex life is none of your damn business," Frankentein's monster said. "Now beat it, before I rrraaaaarrrr!!!"

For the record, Frankenstein's monster is still legally married to Elizabeth. They separated in 2004, but have not officially filed for divorce.

An asterisk on the title, but a title nonetheless. Lovely Madeline Kahn in the role of Elizabeth, you are the Horror Bride Tournament Champion!

See The Final Tournament Results!

You know horror movies. We know horror movies. You love horror movies. We love horror movies. You love lists. Well, we have lists (and they're lists that you can rank).

Everyone knows The Shining, Carrie, and Misery are stellar fright flicks, but how do they stand in relation to each other? Rank Stephen King's movies here.

What's the crème de la crème of classic monster movies? Is it Frankenstein; Godzilla, King of the Monsters; or The Blob? Rank your favorite monsters here.

Is Interview with the Vampire better than Bram Stoker's Dracula? Where do The Lost Boys fit in? You can rank your favorite vampire movies here.

We're always adding new lists for fright flicks, so come back any time. There's always something new. Check out our full list of horror-movie lists here.

Janet goes down! Janet goes down! Okay, this phrase doesn't surprise anyone who's seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show, But I'm talking about her shocking semi-final loss: Janet was the No. 2 seed in AMC's Horror Brides tournament, crushing all foes and on an apparentcollision course with a championship tilt. But one thing got in her way: Young Frankenstein's Madeline Kahn.

Kahn's Elizabeth is a lowly No. 14 seed, and yet here she is in the finals, following her upset victory over miss toucha-toucha-toucha-touch me. Upsets are nothing new for Kahn in this tourney: She bested the third-seeded Brides of Dracula (Van Helsing) in the first round, a one-on-three whuppin' that left readers scratching their heads and wondering where they could see more goth-supermodel vamp triplets (yes, I'm sure there's a great site; if not, you can probably register it). And Kahn didn't stop there. She went on to top sixth-seeded Winona Rider, playing Lydia in Beetlejuice, then moved on to the showdown with Janet.

So go, Cinderella, go! And what do you get for such a stellar performance? Why, you get to go toe-to-toe and beehive-to-beehive with the most iconic female in the history of horror: the Bride of Frankenstein.

Frankie's honey bun was seeded No. 1 from the start, and with good reason: Everyone expects her to win. She crushed Hazel Court of The Premature Burial (No. 16) in the first round, laid some righteous smacketh upon Kim Catral and Suzee Pai of Big Trouble in Little China in the second (No. 8), and made short work of The Corpse Bride (No. 5) in the semi-finals.

Her lightning-streaked tower of tresses is the very symbol of horror, right up there with the Frankenstein monster's big melon, Count Dracula's cape and the Wolfman's Flowbee. Now the Bride is one win away from the tournament championship. One win from claiming her rightful place as the grande dame of horror. But can she lay that final beat-down on Elizabeth, or will the Wrath of Kahn deliver one final upset?

Bride of Frankenstein, are you ready? Madeline Kahn, are you ready? For the championship victory, let's get it on!

Did Cinderella ever marry Prince Charming?

Say "Cinderella" is, in this case, No. 14 seed-Cinderella Madeline Kahn, and that "Prince Charming" is actually the Horror-Brides Tournament championship. Okay, so it's not the best analogy, but dammit, Janet, it just works.

Madeline Kahn's Elizabeth, from Young Frankenstein, didn't rate high on the potential-champions radar, as evinced by her low seed. But she took that in stride. Nay, she used it as mental ammunition to unload an artillery barrage of ass-whup on her first-round victims, the three Brides of Dracula from 2004's Van Helsing. Those brides? Those gothy, third-seeded brides? Click-clack-boom, bitches, Kahn had your number. And the second round saw another fusillade as Madeline busted the dreams of Winona Ryder's red-clad Lydia from Beetlejuice.

And now Madeline brings her wrath of Kahn to bear on the No. 2 seed, a true pinup girl for corrupted innocence -- Janet from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. No one has even challenged Janet, dammit; her first-round victim, comely Yvonne Monlaur from Brides of Dracua (the 1960 version), and her second-round foe, seventh-seeded Mrs. X from So I Married an Axe Murderer, fell before her like wilted rose petals from a bride's bouquet .

Can Cinderella prevail and march down the aisle to the finals? You, Dear Reader, will be the judge of that.

Dammit, Janet, are you ready? Elzabeth, are you ready? Let's get it on!

We've entered the semifinals of the Horror Brides Tournament, and it's only fitting that two of the four final contenders have "bride" right in the title.

First up: the ultimate icon of female horror, a woman so celebrated that her very silhouette is instantly recognizable. Yes, we're talking the one, the only Bride of Frankenstein. Elsa Lanchester's classic portrayal burned up the screen back in 1935 and has cast a long, long shadow over our culture ever since. Frankie's bride opened up the first round by giving Hazel Court (The Premature Burial) a serious whupping. In the second round, our tall-haired heroine dropped the hammer on the double team of Kim Cattrall and Suzee Pai (Big Trouble in Little China). And now? She faces her toughest foe yet: The Corpse Bride.

For her part, the Corpse Bride is one upset away from a shot at the title, and while the Bride of Frankenstein is a formidable opponent, getting this far was no easy feat. The first round wasn't difficult: The Corpse Bride easily topped alien-ated housewife Gloria Talbot of I Married a Monster from Outer Space. The second round, however, pitted her against the plastic powerhouse known as Bride of Chucky; that win brought the Corpse Bride to the semis and gave her that bride vs. bride experience that could prove crucial in the final round.

So for a trip to the finals: Bride of Frankenstein, are you ready? Corpse Bride, are you ready? Let's get it on!

Pssst.... want a free head-to-toe makeover? Before you say, "Sure, go to town," consider the lessons to be learned from these movies about ordinary folks who underwent extraordinary transformations.

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2007)
Professor Crowley (A Nightmare on Elm Street star Robert Englund) just wants his balky plumbing fixed, but tinkering with the pipes transforms him into a ravenous, lavishly tentacled cross between a snaggle-toothed Jabba the Hutt and one of Dr. Who's Daleks. He should have put up with the low water pressure.

Continue reading "The Horror Movie Makeovers - Think Twice Before You Say "Yes"" »