In season 2, episode 1, Hank sees the security video of Jesse and Walt stealing the barrel of chemicals and says, "These guys know their trade. Wait, I take it back. What, they didn't think about stealing a hand truck? Hey, try rolling it morons! It's a barrel! It ROLLS!"

Season 2, episode 9, after the doctor announces Walter's remission, Hank leans in and says "Just when I tried to get out they pull me back in!" I thought that was a great line for Hank - who else would quote Michael Corleone/Carlito Brigante under those circumstances. Hank seems to take pride in acting more bad-ass than the guys he busts, inflating his DEA stories to anyone who will listen, while Walt is struggling to contain his dark deeds. Maybe that's why Walt explodes on Hank at the party in episode 10...?

"How about a Windy, Wendy" - Location: Crystal Palace

"My apologies to the HR Department, grow Tumescent with anticipation". Season 2 - episode 2. Location: DEA briefing

to saul......

"yea......your commercials? they suck!........i've seen better acting in an epileptic whore house"

(Season 2, Episode 8)

"Chick's got an ass like an onion. Makes me wanna cry."

wendy says come on i have to pee wheres my root beer i have low blood sugar i have medical issues Hank says medical issues what medical issues penis withdrawl shongus interuptus. later on hank says come on wendy you know you want to go back to giving out wendys wendy.

"Tortuga was the name of our snitch. Bean-speak for tortoise."

"We're gonna go talk to that skinny yeast factory of a girlfriend ya got. (Season 2- episode 3)

In season 2, episode 2 Grilled, Hank says: "So, study the face, study the file, get a big old raging hard-on at the idea of catching this piece of shit!"

Season 2 Episode 2 "Grilled" When he realizes it's Tuco standing at the car he says, "Oh, shit!"

Hank's Funny Lines are too numerous to enumerate but here's my personal favorite--
Walt: "Hank, you want another beer?"
Hank: "Does the Pope shit in his hat?"
(Talk about random!)
season one, episode 3.

"You ever smoke anything else, Wendy; sausages don't count."

My favorite though: "Don't think so hard, it's gonna hurt your brain."

Ha ha

"You ever smoke anything else, Wendy; sausages don't count."

My favorite though: "Don't think so hard, it's gonna hurt your brain."

Ha ha

Chick's got an ass like an onion... makes me want to cry.

Chick's got an ass like an onion... makes me want to cry.

Season 1 episode 6, "Crazy Handful of Nothin'"

season one, cancer man show....

Walt, Jr
Hey, I want a beer.

Hank
Yeah? I want Shania Twain to give me a tuggy.
Guess what? That ain't happening either.

...classic Hank!

So be on notice – we got new players in town. Now we don’t know who they are or where they came from, but they possess an extremely high skill set. Me personally...I think Albuquerque might just have a new kingpin.

Season 1, episode 4 'Cancer Man'

Season 1, Episode 1

During the DEA bust.. "Watch this, make some shit.." (humming Ride of the Valkyries) as they roll in..

At the dinner table Walt Jr. asks Hank something about shooting when Hank is talking about his job and Hank says something like, "Haha, don't worry buddy, the only thing you shoot is into Kleenex." Pretty sure it's from season 1. Hilarious.

Walt Jr. says that he wants something and Hank replies, "Oh ya, well I want Shania Twain to give me a tuggie but that's not gonna happen." Haha. Season 1.