My all time favorite Jesseism is "BITCh, I want my money" form the peek- a - boo episode, Which also shows Jess is a caring person when he yells at the skank for not providing care for her boy. I cant wait for the next season!!!!
I LOVE BREAKIN BAD!!!!!!!!

my personal favourite Jesseism resides in the pilot episode: "some straight like you, giant stick up his ass, age what - 60? He's just gonna break bad?'
a meaningful and foreshadowing quote, plus the only use of the show's title that I recall

Cow houses.

Season 1, episode 1

I don't remember which episodes it was in, but my favourite is his answering machine "Yo, if I know you, leave a message"

I can't remember which episode, but when Jesse is talking about cooking the meth, he says: I got mad skills, yo! Totally want that on a shirt. My daughter (16) and I love, love, love Breaking Bad. Keep up the great story!

"Cowhouse?"
"It's where they live ... the cows."

The way he says "the cows," exasperated, as if he can't even believe he is being bothered to explain this to Walter, is hilarious.

Next best: "You don't need a criminal lawyer. You need a criminal lawyer."

"A Robot"? - The look of amazement on Jesse's face when he says this to Walt in the episode of "Four days out" is brilliant. Its a classic Jesseism and my favorite of Season 2.

I forgot the name of the episode and im probably paraphrasing the quote but my fav is when Combo asks him about the hole in the ceiling and he says "This place is falling apart yo. The tub fell through the ceiling and gave me this black eye. Shit's bananas..."

When Walk asked Jesse why he is selling his house Jesse responded, "I got two dudes that turned into raspberry slushie and flushed down my toilet."

4 Days Out :
Walter :
"Now what element shall we use to conduct this beautiful current with ? hu ?"

Both of them are looking each other as if they were thinking about the same thing (huuuuum)
Jesse :
"Haaaaa , a wiiiiiire"

XD
Very short but that's exactly what i like. It's one of the moment in the show when you can see that Jesse is still a cool and nice guy beyond his drug dealer / murderer cover.

For Jesse, "It will be layered, like nachos"

For Walt, "Smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos and masturbating does not constitute plans"

I think the gratuitous Jesse malaprops need to be toned down on the series. We had a bellyfull of those on The Sopranos. "Ricin Beans" was funny because Ricin is pretty arcane, but sometimes the show doesn't credit the drug characters with enough basic intellegence.

The whole relationship between Jesse and Walt simply doesn't work if Jesse is not played as equally gifted and flawed as Walt is. The two characters need to compliment each others abilities.

Oh the criminal lawyer/criminal lawyer line is very good too. That is one of the moments where we see his street smarts.

I don't feel the Jesseisms come across as lack of intelligence, peterinbrat. Jesse just has kind of a unique take on everything.

The hilarious/frantic call to Walt when he thought all their product had been ripped-off.....cause he was smacked-out on heroin when Walt finally got the big deal to go down!

also......the night he broke into the lot where his repo'd R.V. was, falling straight through a port a potty in the process and covering himself in that blue s*it(no pun).......i felt so bad for him..........thats right about the time Walt started being a major prick! YO! hahaha

"You can think of something Mr. White. You made poison out of beans YO!"

My favorite Jesseism is from the pilot episode. "Nah come on man, some straight like you giant stick up his ass all sudden at age what 60 he's just going to break bad."

Hank Jr, - That's a good one...

Jesse - "It has a special Ingredient". Tuco - "What special Ingredient"? Jesse - "Chilli powder"! Tuco - "I hate Chilli powder"! - Season 2 -episode 2. Location: Tio's crib in the country.

Correction to last post: Jesse - "Its got a special Ingredient". Tuco - "What special Ingredient"? Jesse - "Chilli powder". Tuco - "I hate Chilli powder"! - Season 2, episode 2. Location: Tio's crib out in the country.

(The episode with the castor beans and Walt's deadly plan to extract the toxin from them) Jessie's all time best comment was, " Ricin? Ricin Beans?", with that totally puzzled look on his face. Classic!

By the way, my above comment was from an episode in season 2.

se 2 ep 4-

"I'm a fan of the hard wood" to his landlord.....lmfao

"Your fence is too easy to climb" to Clovis.....

I'm so mad that nothing is coming to mind about Jesse, because he's one of my favorites! Pretty much any malapropism Jesse utters is cause for some great laughs!

"Without even talking to me, you told this insane-ass clown, dead-eyed killer, that we'd give him two pounds a week. No don't talk to me about hours, what about sudo man? How are we gonna get that? You think the meth fairy is just gonna bring it to us?" S1.E7.

LOL

That or his first voice mail message:

"Yo, yo, yo, one, four, eight, three, to the three, to the six, to the nine, representing the ABQ, what up beyotch? Leave it at the tone."

XD

"Spooge? Not Mad Dog? Not Diesel? So let me get this straight, you got jacked by a guy named Spooge?"

From Peekaboo

Season One -Episode 3

Walt questionedJessie about Crazy 8's capability of violence in order to decide life or death for 8. Jesse says-

you mean like when he tried to kill us the other day

Yeah Mr. White....YOU really DO have a plan...... YEAH SCIENCE!!!!

Jesse ROCKS!!!!

By Wello on August 31, 2009 6:26 PM

"Without even talking to me, you told this insane-ass clown, dead-eyed killer, that we'd give him two pounds a week. No don't talk to me about hours, what about sudo man? How are we gonna get that? You think the meth fairy is just gonna bring it to us?" S1.E7.

So Tru So Tru! The Meth Fairy LOL

I think it's from the second or third episode of the first season. Jesse says something like "Hey, you came to me. It's not like I was like 'Hey, nerdiest old dude I know, wanna cook meth?'"

I was going to wait to post this Jesse quote til it showed up again in the rerun, so I could cite the title of the episode and exactly what the circumstances, were... But since there's already a spot for Hank quotes, I figured I'd better post my Jesse quote now.

Again, I wish I could remember the exact context, but Walt and Jesse were in some kind of trouble and were working out the details of dealing with it. Walt must have suggested something Jesse considered overly careful or over protective or something, and Jesse's response was "Just how gay are you,
anyway?" A little bit of off-hand, throw-away snark, typically Jesse.

rockmama, that was the scene when Jesse showed up at Walts class all pissed off because Walt broke into Jesses place while him and Jane were all nodded out and took the product. Walt had handed him a specimen cup and said he could have his half of the money if he could pass a drug test. Again, classic Jesse!

You're right, gracie! My memory was fuzzy about the context, but I remember loving Jesse's delivery of that line. LOL.

"What are you saying? I shot someone? With like a gun?" Season 2- episode 3

"It's just basic chemistry, yo" to Badger in the second ep of the first season, I think.

"You're talking about icing Gonzo, like, future-tense?" to Tuco in the second ep of the second season.

The entire back-and-forth about the "Cow house" in the pilot takes the cake, though.

Season 2, Episode 9

Walt: "And bring me brake pads!"
Jesse: "What are we building?"
W: "You said it yourself."
J: "... a robot?"

love it

Season 2 Episode 2.....after he shoots Tuco " Who's the bitch now?

My favorite was at Tuco's place, where he trys to explain what happened to Tuco's uncle, and he says, and Im paraphrasing, " maybe he got excited looking at those 'telenovela honeys' " but he says it
(tela-novel-ah) all classic white boy style, who knows something about the culture....excellent show!!

4 days out: "Ahhhh. Wire."
or
YEAH SCIENCE!

Jesse says to walt Good job wearing the pants in the family. Skyler visits jesse and jesse called walt later all pissed off because skyler almost saw crazy 8s dead cousin, and skyker says walts my husband and he told me everything he nearly chits himselfe and says he did then skyler says yea he told me you sell him weed. so jesse calls walt and ends up saying "good job wearing the pants in the family. that saying is good because in the next to last episode in season 2 walt says that too jesse after Jane talks with Walt.

From Crazy Handful of Nothin' in Season 1 when Walt suggests he should sell all the meth in one go

"Who to? What do I look like, Scarface?"

From 4 Days Out in Season 2 when Walt complains about the food he's brought

"Funyuns are awesome!"

I love the way he says "yo" constantly to the extent I've started to say it myself which is extremely tragic for a 35 year old white woman living in rural England.

Season 2 Episode 9
"Four days out"
"Wait! No! What if we just take some stuff off of the RV and build it into something completely different? You know like a... Like a dune buggy! That way, we can just dune buggy or.. uh.."

Ok, the one Jesseism I got a kick out of was "DBAD"-Don't Be A DUMB-ASS! But, he copied it from Jane. It's a good one because that's how all the computer and this generation's lingo is today. Also, I think it's Jesse's favorite because he really did love Jane and he will never forget it! (From Episode-Breakage) He said it to his friends when he had them over to his new pad-apartment-duplex!

Jesse with talking with Jane - "Jesse", "Jesse Jackson". Season 2 - Episode 5

"Ah, like I came to you, begging to cook meth. Oh, hey, nerdiest old dude I know, you wanna come cook crystal? Please. I’d ask my diaper-wearing granny, but her wheelchair wouldn’t fit in the RV!"
- Jesse

Walt: "Castor beans."
Jesse: "So, what are we going to do with them? Are we just gonna grow a magic beanstalk? Huh? Climb it and escape?"
Walt: "We are going to process them into ricin."
Jesse: "Rice 'n Beans."
Walt: "Ricin. It's an extremely effective poison."

I laughed so hard at this part!

New Zealand, that’s where they made Lord of the Rings. I say we just move there, yo, and, I mean, you can do your art. Right? Like, you can paint the local castles and shit, and I can be a bush pilot.

New Zealand, that’s where they made Lord of the Rings. I say we just move there, yo, and, I mean, you can do your art. Right? Like, you can paint the local castles and shit, and I can be a bush pilot.

Season 2 episode 12, "Phoenix"

"You're like only the second, biggest Homo" =)

I laughed so hard Season 2 Episode 9:

"We got an entire lab right here, alright. How about you take some of these chemicals and mix up some rocket fuel that way you can send up a signal flare, or you make some kind of robot to get us out, or a homing device, or build a new battery. Why don’t we just take some stuff off the RV and build something completely different, like a dune buggy, that way we can just dunebuggy our…what, what is it?"

Funniest line EVER!

"So you do have a plan...yeah Mr. White! YEAH SCIENCE"

"No, what if we just take some stuff off the RV and build it into something completely different... like a dune buggy, yeah that way we can just... dune buggy"

"You don't need a criminal lawyer, you need a "criminal" lawyer."

Jesse: "So, what are we going to do with them? Are we just gonna grow a magic beanstalk? Huh? Climb it and escape?"
Walt: "We are going to process them into ricin."
Jesse: "RICE 'N BEANS."
Walt: "Ricin. It's an extremely effective poison."

(episode 2.01: Seven Thirty-Seven)

"Cow houses", "Yeah science", "Rice 'n beans" ~ too many to count. One of my favorites is from the TwaughtHammer webisode when Jesse explains to Badger his "president" for being the lead singer AND the drummer like "the dude from Genesis...the fat guy."

oh oh ! (real small) "'you're gonna build a robot?" ... i laughed for about a week straight!

"We flipped a coin man! We flipped a COIN! The coin is sacred..."

There is also the nice soliloque where he goes on about complaining about disposing of the body and making Domingo a "guest."

What exactly would you call a "cow house" anyways?