So it looks like my sister-in-law, who I'd started to think was gestating an elephant, may be put out of her misery soon. Just got a call from my wife -- apparently that baby decided to be born sometime before the next decade. Way to go little girl! Your Uncle Hank is ready to scare the living crap out of any schmuckface boys who come courting.

We're trying to reach my brother-in-law right now, but Sky's on her way to the hospital, ready to push that sucker out. Thank God I will never know exactly what that feels like. I know this putz who's actually jealous of womens' ability to give birth. Ha! Yeah, I can safely say I've never wanted to, you know, basically crap a baby. Jesus, it takes all kinds I guess. Anyway, better run... everyone's been called in for the blessed event. I'll be the one handing out cigars in the waiting room... far, far, far away from the miracle of birth.