Hank's Blog - En Español por Favor
As many of you know, yours truly recently got a promotion thanks to some serious badassery in the form of taking down public enemy numero uno. Well, the new title is great and that little salary bump ain't hurting, but the transition's been a little... bumpy. I mean, there's some serious shit going down El Paso way. Serious. Shit. I don't really even want to get into it, but I have never seen anything like what I saw the other week. It was... it was bad.
You know what -- let's move on, shall we?
Part of this promotion process involved the very strong suggestion from los Jefes that the Hankster learn a little Español. Yeah, I was thrilled all right -- there's nothing I like better than vocabulary exercises. My superiors want me to go to some classes. Ay yi yi. I'm not gonna sit in some shithole community college while some douchenozzle makes me conjugate verbs. I'd rather hammer nails through my scrotum you guys, I mean it. And my wife wants me to get some ridiculous CD-ROMs she saw on TV. Now, I'm not spending five hundred dollars on a couple of computer lessons -- I don't care if they are endorsed by NASA or whatever-the-hell. I promise you, when I need to learn Martian so I can bust E.T. the dope dealer, then I'll pay that five hundred.
Gomie's taught me a few phrases here and there, but I stopped trusting the bastard after I asked him how to say, "How many people on the premises?" and he "accidentally" taught me how to say... well, it was a little too filthy to share here without violating the website's terms of service.
For now, I'm trying to do this on my own. Borrowed some textbooks from my nephew and told the kid I'd take him to the shooting range if he helped his Uncle Hank learn a few key phrases -- just enough so I know what the guys in the El Paso office are saying about me. The kid seems up for it -- nothing secures a teenage boy's devotion more than the promise of firearms (or beer... but his mom'd kill me). Unfortunately, he told me that at school they don't teach him the, shall we say, more colorful vocabulary. It's a shame. I'm thinking maybe I might have to take that up with his muy caliente Vice-Principal.
So for now, adiós amigos!
that vice-principal's ass makes me cry too.
Hank, I'm detecting a little bit of an Attitude problem here. As you move up the food chain, you're expected to tow the line. I have two words for you "Rosetta Stone".
Too funny as the little woman says
It's third world enough around here
Hank, you better learn that Español. You never know what them Juarez boys are plottin!
I feel for you Hank!! I worked in a body shop in... well lets just say it was south of the border.... the Chicago border!! The arm pit of America!!!! Well at this body shop / bar , I had to learn a little Españo just to tell the new guy not to F up my work! He was going on and on about who knows what! Well after a week or so, I tried to repeat some of it to my best friend, who is from south of the border, the real border, and he had a good time translating it for me! It was colorful all right! I went back to work the next day and repeated a few lines I had learned and we soon came to a sort of truce. We started to get along better and so I taught him to talk like a trucker and my colorful Spanish improved too.
I will give you some advice, Do Not walk around the grocery store repeating it to your self to much!! Trust me on this one!!!
I don't know where u guys get ur ideas for shows, but a long time ago I was in the been there done that. That was right before I spent the 90's in federal prison.
If u guys ever run outta ideas, let me know. Ur show is great. I wouldn't rate is as a dark comedy though. It's more like the real thing. At least as real as it gets when everybody is using.
As a disclaimer I would tell anyone that making drugs has only one or two endings. The first is dead. The second is far more likely. Prison.
Great show. Of course ur stars got at best two years left. Probably less. Already too many people know, including the weasely attorney.
Hank
I am worried your wife is showing signs of a new habit, don't let work blind you from the signs at home!
-jj